Past Photographs, Fulfilling Futures

 

"Daddy! Daddy! Look at me, I'm doing it all by myself!"

"I see you sweetheart! Keep going! I'm so proud of you!"

That was the first time I learned how to ride a bike. I remember that day so well. We were at the park, mum was there too but she was getting ice cream for me from the ice-cream van. Dad was always encouraging me to take risks, he was the one who taught me to swim and if he hadn't, then I wouldn't have been able to save my friend Julia when she went swimming in the sea and went so far out that she almost drowned. This photograph shows one lesson my father taught me, he could have taught me so much more but sadly, his life was cut short. My father was a strong man, with a lot of pride, he would never tell anyone when he was in pain. It was hard to believe he was ill, he was just so active and positive all the time, when really inside he was suffering badly. Dad had lung cancer, and he knew it was down to all those years of heavy smoking. I just wish he was still here, so much has happened in my life that he wasn't there for. I miss him.

"Sarah! We're supposed to be cleaning the attic, not fishing through everything and staring at it for hours, what are you looking at anyway?"

I didn't have to tell her, she already knew. She took the photo and smiled sweetly at me.

"I still remember this day so well", she said looking upwards, as if to stop the tears forming in her eyes from falling.

Mum still struggles to accept dad's death too, but we get through things, together. I see her face and I know she is still in a lot of pain, she misses dad as much as I do. I pick out another photo, this one's a little tatted and ripped, probably a little older than the rest of them. On the back it says, 'Beach 1999'. I see dad in this photo, as well as myself, but there's also someone I don't recognise. He has messy blonde hair and he has little orange armbands on, he's looking at me whilst I'm looking at the camera, smiling widely with a missing front tooth, and dad is watching us from a distance behind. I don't remember this day, or this boy, but I'm curious and want to know who he is.

"Mum? Who is this boy in the picture? Is he my cousin or something?" I said, breaking mum out of her trance. She was still looking at the previous photograph. Quickly wiping away a tear from her eye, thinking I didn't notice, she scurries over.

She scans the photograph and again, smiles sweetly down at a toothless grinning 5 year old me.

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"That was your dad's best friend Dave's son, the little boy in the photo's name is Luke. You both got on so well, you were like best friends, but after your dad died, Dave couldn't handle seeing us without your father being there, your dad hadn't told Dave he was ill. You know what your dad was like, the last thing he wanted was sympathy. But Dave couldn't grasp that your dad was gone, so he distanced himself from us, I tried calling him but he wouldn't answer so after a while I stopped, I had to focus on us."

"So we don't speak to them anymore at all? If this boy was my friend when we were younger it'd be good to speak to him again."

 I was a little disheartened by the whole situation. Why someone my dad would have known for years and considered a best friend run out on our family when we all needed support?

"Well, actually, Dave added me as a friend on Facebook a couple of months ago, his son will probably be on there too, you could have a look, but first help me finish tidying the attic please".