worth it? Discontinued

Chapter 1

It is cold. Maybe that's not a weird thing, considering the fact I'm outside in the middle of winter. My hands and teeth are shivering from the cold. I have no idea where to go. Home, would most people say, to your parents, but I got kicked out again. The reason is unknown to me, like always. Mostly I'm fine with being kicked out, but it's freezing outside and if I don't find shelter soon I'm sure I'm going to freeze to death.

I feel my phone going off in the pocket of my coat. It's my sister, twin sister to be exact. When I picked up the phone, I didn't expect that she would say what she said. "Where the hell are you? We don't have ice cream, go buy some!", Layla shouted through the phone. I have no idea why I didn't expect it. Well, there is that voice screaming in my head 'you know why',  but I ignore it, or I try at least.

She said to go buy some food. I'm not sure what to say. I envisage two possibilities for how things will turn out. Option number 1, I tell her that I got kicked out and can't buy her anything. I'm afraid she will make fun of me, I don't want that to happen. Or I can go with number 2, lie. Say I'm busy. 'With what?' she'll respond. She will probably complain to mom about me, but I don't want her to.

I think I was too slow in responding because she said "Hello? Are you even listening? You know what, mom is right, you are a useless bitch". She then ends the call. That hurts me. I hope she doesn't mean it, but I'm not sure about that. She could have just asked me, but she chose not to. I think I'm not the bitch, but maybe. I decide to go to the store to buy her some ice cream. A way of saying sorry.

When I enter the store, I immediately feel warmer. I don't see many people; the only people I see are the cashier and an elderly woman. I am given a puzzled look by the cashier, most likely because of my appearance. My face is covered by the hood of my coat, hiding my blond hair and my hands are in my pockets.  I walk through the aisles until I reach all the ice cream. I pick up a box of ice cream and make my way to the front of the store to pay. When I have completed paying, the cashier begins speaking to me. "Aren't you a little young to be walking around at night all alone? Where are your parents?". I ignore the cashier and make my way out of the store. 'Aren't you a little young to be walking around at night all alone?', for god's sake, I'm 16. I hate these comments, they make me uncomfortable because I never know what I have to say back.

I hurry to our apartment, which is in poor condition. Our apartment is located in a  dangerous  area of Chicago, I'm afraid to walk  here at night. When I finally arrive, I realize that I need to make sure my mother doesn't see me. She will be very angry with me.

I try to enter the building as quietly as possible. Our apartment is tiny. If you enter through the front door, you will see on your left the kitchen and the stairway is located in the hallway. On the right, you will find the living room, where she is sleeping with a beer bottle in her hand. 'She' is my mother. I sneak upstairs and knock on the door of my sister's bedroom. "What?" she says as she opens the door. When she saw the ice cream, her annoyed look quickly changed to one of delight. "Thank you, Amara, you're the best", she gives me a hug while she says it. She told me I was a useless bitch an hour ago. I don't understand, but I don't mind. She's thanking me now.

  She keeps saying thank you. "Mom kicked me out, I'm not allowed to be here. Please keep your voice down", I tell her in a quiet voice. Layla embraces me tighter, she pushes my head against her chest in a way that I can't breathe or talk. I don't like being smaller than her. "Thank you, Amara!", she says louder, almost screaming. I told her to be quiet, and now she's speaking louder. Maybe she didn't hear me. But she must  be quiet, or else  mom will wake up. I try to get out of her embrace, but I am unable to do so because I am smaller, and I have not eaten for a few days. I can hear noises coming from downstairs.  Mom is already waking up. Layla finally releases me from her embrace. I try to leave the house before my mom is fully awake, but when I reach the stairs she is already standing there, blocking the door.  It's not possible for me to leave.

"What are you doing here? I kicked you out, you're not allowed to come back into this house", she screams as she climbs up the stairs with the beer bottle in her hands. I look back to where Layla is, but she is no longer there and her bedroom door is closed. I try to run to my room, but my mother pulls me back by my hair. She asks me again, "What are you doing here?", still holding my hair. I am scared and expecting the worst. My mom throws me against the wall and I fall on the ground. I am only thinking about not again, not again, please not again when she started kicking against my ribs and head. I start crying, but quiet. She hates it when she hears me cry. I am relieved when she stops hitting me, but then she throws her beer bottle at me. I thought that seeing stars only happened in movies, but I am wrong. The hallway upstairs appears to be swaying in my view, and I can't focus my eyes on anything. My head is throbbing. I see my mother descending the stairs while she is cursing at me.

I can hear the front door close. My mother has left the house, most likely to go to the closest bar in this area. My head is still throbbing, I bring my hand towards my head and feel a liquid. Blood. I try to stand, but the room is still swaying, so I slowly allow myself to sink to the floor against the wall. After a few minutes, I struggle towards my bedroom. I crawl into bed, everything hurts me while I'm doing it.

I'm almost asleep when I hear my door open. "Are you ok, Amara?" It's Layla. I want to tell her no, but I'm pretending to be asleep. She closes the door and I can hear her footsteps fading.

After a great deal of thinking about what I had done wrong, I was consumed by darkness.

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