TILL FOREVER FALLS APART

2) better days, or not?

𝗗𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝗯𝗼𝘁𝗵 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄
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✦ trigger warning ✦

__ mentions of eating disorder__ mentions of self harm__ mentions of low self esteem __

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↳ your pov ↲
I woke up to the sun shining through the curtains. We're still on the bus but in two days we will be finally sleeping at a hotel. Finally. My back has been hurting a lot because of these shitty a$$ mattresses.

Don't get me wrong, I love being on tour. But sometimes I wish we would have more comfortable beds. Like we can't even poop on this damn bus like... what if we got diarrhea?

Anyway, I'm drifting off topic.

As usual, I wore a big oversized hoodie and some sweats. I put my AirPods in and went to eat breakfast in the bus kitchen, once again. Yesterday I slept in and missed the performance, which also means; I missed eating. And that's not good.

I sat down and started to eat. Today it wasn't as hard as yesterday. I ate and ate and ate. I felt relieved and proud of me. I entered the tour bus chill area where Billie was hanging out on her phone. ~good morning!~ she said. I said it back and sat down next to her.

~should we go for a walk?~ she asked randomly. ~very random but yes of course let's go~ We got up and said goodbye to everyone else.

We went to a beautiful park, central park to be exact. The same one i went that one night to cool down my thoughts. On the way there we barely talked, but when we sat down on a bench next to tree she spoke up to avoid the awkward silence.

~how have you been y/n?~ she asked kindly. I didn't look at her, instead I looked onto the ground in front of me. ~i'm good~ I smiled and looked at her. She didn't say anything and just looked in my eyes. Yup she's onto me. She always knows when I'm lying, I hate it.

~You do know that I know when you're lying right? Talk to me y/n, please. We both know that it's not good to keep it all bottled up~ Again i didn't bare to look at her. I felt ashamed. I hate talking about my feelings, always have.

~I won't tell mom or dad or anyone else, okay? No matter what it is. But please talk to me, I won't judge you. How about I ask questions and you answer them? And if you don't feel comfortable answering them, you don't have to. But you have to talk at some point~ I nodded in response

~Do you like tour so far?~ I nodded
~Does tour affect you mentally?~ I shook my head no
~Do you have any scary thoughts, like harming yourself? Be honest~ I nodded shyly
~Have you ever done something these thoughts told you to do?~ I shook my head no
~Do mom or dad know?~ i shook my head again

~Alright thanks love, you did such a great job. I know you hate talking about your feelings. But I don't judge you okay? And if you're having scary thoughts again, talk to me, come up to me. I won't tell anyone okay? But if this is continuing you'll have to tell them at some point. We both know it's better if they'd know.~

~I don't want them to know. And i absolutely regret telling you everything and we won't talk about this again. Mom and dad won't find out about anything that I just said, understood?~ I said warning her and got up before she could say anything.

Instantly I began to regret what I just did. Again she was just trying to help me and I just pushed her away. I always do that to people who are onto me and know how I really am. Especially those who want to help me. I don't need help, I'm not sick or crazy or anything. I just have scary thoughts, that's it

She ran after me and put an arm around me. The walk back we didn't talk at all and I just went straight back in the bus in my bed. I've had enough for today. I almost immediately fell asleep..

Claudia's pov
I was eating lunch with Finneas since everyone else was outside exploring the city. We both heard the bus door open, Billie and Y/n came back from their walk. Y/n didn't greet us, she straight up went in her bed without making eye contact with any of us.

~What is wrong with her?~ Finneas asked

Billie shrugged her shoulders

~I tried talking to her since I know she never talks about her feelings and Delilah admitted that she's been worried about y/n so I wanted to talk to her~ she explained

~what do you mean Delilah is worried about her?~ i asked her

~i don't know? mentally i guess. We all know that y/n doesn't like to talk about her feelings and she keeps things bottled up until she breaks down. But I actually promised her to not tell you guys anything so I can't tell you guys more sorry! I really don't wanna shit in with her trust, she told me some things but like i said not gonna say as long as she's not ready. Sorry~ she apologized

Finneas and I nodded, clearly understanding that Billie doesn't want to ruin the relationship they have. At least she opened up a little bit to Billie.

Just on time Delilah, Felicia, Maggie and Patrick came back from shopping and exploring the city. Delilah whispered in my ear, asking where y/n was and I told her what happened, but whispered. I didn't want Felicia to know what's going on just yet.

The rest of the day we spend together and Finneas and Billie had a Show at night. Y/n woke up after her  2hour nap. We all didn't talk about it but if it won't get better, we will have to!

Let's just see what the future brings...