P. S. I LOVE YOU (Editing) #YourStoryIndia

CHAPTER 14: Doubts [EDITED]

Edited

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CHAPTER 14: Doubts

***James' POV***

Do you ever regret the things you did? Of course you do. Each and every person regrets something or the other they did in their life. And as a normal person i do too. I have always wanted to go back in time and reverse the things i did. Thethings i did to Claire. I have always regretted and wanted to reverse them.

But a sensible part of me said not to because if i don'tmake mistakes, I'll never learn. And that's the absolute truth.

Now as i walk towards school, i only could think of one thing. Will she even want to see me today after yesterday? I pored my heart out to her. I said all the things i have held in my heart except for one. I doubt she'll want to see me again. But as usual i gotta try. I still have to know if she has forgiven me or not. I still have to know if she considered me as a friend. Huh. Friend.

The word friend left a bitter taste in my mouth. Of course, i can only be her friend. She's already in a relationship and happy with that Zach guy. I can't just go up and ruin their relationship. She'll forever hate me. And i wouldn't be able to forgive myself as well.

I wanted to meet her as soon as possible to make sure she was okay or not. Believe it or not but I've always cared if she's okay or not. I wanted to see her so at first i went to our classroom to check. Only disappointment washed through me, cause she wasn't here yet. Though she wasn't here I could see Harry, Jack and Bonnie sitting at their table and gossipping. I went towards them to ask if they knew about her or where she was.

"Morning." I said to them with a smile on my face.

The three of them looked at me, surprised. Of course they would be. I have never ever talked to them except for studies or class projects.

Bonnie recovered from her shock first and said, "Morning, James." And smiled at me warmly. It made my heart beat faster and flutter.

Okay, i soundlike a girl.

But seriously what's wrong with me!

"Would you go ahead and tell us what you want?" Jack asked through gritted teeth.

This guy was seriously pissed at me.

Who wouldn't?

"Have any of you guys seen Claire?" I asked hoping they couldn't hear the desperate need in my voice.

"What do you want from her James? Haven't you hurt her enough? Or do you want to completely break her?" Harry asked looking at me with a pain-filled expression.

Ouch.

My heart pained and broke to hear this. Everyone thinks that I'm here because i hate her and want to hurt her.

At lest he didn't hate me. Huh. "I...i.." i hesitate.

"I.. what James?" asks Jack clearly irritated at my stuttering.

"Hey guys. Knock it off. Keep cool, alright? Let him speak first. Do not get so hyper. We know he did a bad thing to Claire but that doesn't mean he wants to hurt her again." Bonnie said.

"He must have changed." Bonnie added under her breath but i still could hear it. My heart went into overdrive at that.

Oh god. This girl is an angel. She knows me. Atleast trying to know and understand me.

"Bad people always remain bad." Jack snorted.

What was he, a fiveyear old kid? Bad people always remain bad.

I knew i should speak up. Defend myself. But i didn't. Atleast for a few minutes. You hear that sound? That my friends is my mind working on what i should say to make things right between us. I don'twant to be treated like that forever. Who wantsto be treated like that?

"I know i did a bad thing. And i explained.....every..mind you..every single thing to Claire yesterday. And i jus-"

Harry interrupted me before i could even complete the sentence . "I know what you said to Claire. She already told me."

Of course.

"Well. That's good, then. I don't have to repeat. I'm pretty ashamed of it, so yeah. I just want to know if she's okayor not. Because she ran after what i said to her with tears in her eyes. And..... i..... i just.... felt bad." I finished with a sad expression on my face

I could see Bonnie's eyes soften. Harry's too, a little. But Jack didn't budge.

"She's not your concern anymore. You had your chance and you messed it up." Jack retorted.

You don't know how much i regret that buddy. I blew my only chance.

I sighed. They'll never understand.

"Guys why do you have to have this fighting attitude huh?" Bonnie said to them with anger in his eyes. Then she turned towards me and motioned me to go outside. I obliged and followed her outside.

After stepping out of the class, she faced me. "Listen James. I know what you did. Heck, we all know. And i don't hold you responsible for it after i heard it, the reason, from Harry. But you ought to know one thing. Those guys will never forgive you for what you did to Claire. They care about her as their own sister. They're overprotective of her. Just like a big brother. So when you talk about her in front of them you have to be at your best. And if you promise them, or us, to not to hurt her anymore and show that you really mean it then they can forgive you." She said and smiled a little.

She cares for me. The reason she is telling me this. I couldnt help but ask. "Can you?"

I could see the question took her off guard. "I'm sorry? I couldnt get you."

I smiled a little. "I asked you if you can forgive me for what i did?"

I could not read her facial expression. It was something I couldn't decipher. And at the next move went it went completely black. She put her hands on her hips and..oh lord. Her hips are so sexy..whats wrong with me? I love Claire!

Do you?

Great. My second sense is back. I pushed away the thought. I looked directly into Bonnie's eyes. They were beautiful..light blue colour and her lips-

"James!" I heard Bonnie call and i flinched.

"Oh yeah. Oh. Sorry. I lost track. I was thinking of something else. Yeah so?"

"Clearly."

"So?"

"Maybe." With that she went away.

Doubts started forming and frustration started building in me.

What is wrong with me? Do I love Claire?

***