i wasn't ready. no matter how much i say i was, i wasn't. it still hurt. i didn't wanna lose them. no matter how hard i tried to push them away first, it still hurt. my dreams didn't lie to me. my dreams have been a mirror image of my fear, everyone abandoning me. i missed them everyday. despite all the thing they did that i didn't like, including being an asshole to me and others, i still missed them. they were someone that made me somewhat happy and i'll always remember that. but why was what i did not good enough? even when i was mad at them i still always checked on them. no matter how hard i didn't want to care about them, i still did. but why wasn't that enough? i never did anything wrong to them. so why was i left behind without a reason? that's what hurts me. i couldn't say anything. and i can't now. no matter how much they hurt me, i still cared. i wasn't ready to lose that. i hurts that they called me they favorite person and the best but then it turns to this.
