Ficlets

Alone With Your Replica

Enji sat in the solidarity of his office, eyes locked on the sleeping infant that laid just 20 feet away from him. The infant looked just like her mother. Save for her turquoise blues. Why has she been such a stubborn woman? Why couldn't she have just listened when he was pleading with her to abort? Being alone with a replica of her was pure torture. She'd never get to see her little girl grow up, never see her first steps, hear her first word, send her off to her first days of school, see her graduate, etc. The choice Izumi made was a selfish one.

Years after learning Izumi had been infertile they were blessed. Finally, finally she held a positive pregnancy test in her hands. She sobbed as Enji held her, tears welling in his own eyes out of pure joy. Elated they invited Enji's three children to the house to give the news. The children were happy for them, Fuyumi mostly, congratulating them for finally getting pregnant after trying for years. Izumi's first ultrasound had been so perfect, being able to see the creation of their love in the form of what looked like a bean. She cried on the way home, staring at it. She was a first time mom and it was exciting. She kept a scrapbook, the only contents being a pregnancy test and the ultrasound. Enji didn't quite understand it but he loved seeing her happy.

The first trimester had been rough on her body, most days she couldn't keep anything down. Doctor's just chalked it up to rough morning sickness and sent her home with an anti nausea. She'd sleep nearly all throughout the day and it was difficult to keep her eyes open. Of course her husband had been worried about her, Rei never had to deal with any of this when she was pregnant with his previous four.

The second trimester was a nightmare, fainting spells, vomiting, dizziness, and lack of appetite. Enji had enough of Izumi's suffering and took her to the hospital. It wasn't looking good. Their daughter was still very much alive but it seemed the pregnancy was turning on Izumi. Her body was struggling to keep itself healthy, diverting her energy to keeping the baby alive. The doctor gave her two options abort the babyand remove her uterus or continue with the likelyhood of death during labor. For Izumi the former option was not on the table. She wouldn't give up something she wanted for so long. She always wanted to be a mother. The doctor left to give them time to think.

Enji begged and pleaded with his wife to get the abortion. He couldn't lose her like that. He brought up adoption but she shot it down, saying she wanted to have her own baby. She wanted her little girl, she wanted a child that came from both of them. Ultimately the decision was hers. She chose to continue with the pregnancy with a high risk label and pre eclampsia diagnosis. So Enji did his best to keep her happy and comfortable. The fear of her death over the horizon.

She seemed to be doing so much better up until giving birth. She was energetic, walking about, being playful with her husband. Until he woke up to her seizing and bleeding. He got her to the hospital. Nearly four hours in surgery. Four hours of not knowing if his wife was alive, not knowing if his daughter was alive, and being afraid both would leave him empty and alone.

Izumi took a chance on him. Even when he was a stone faced asshole. When he didn't care about anyone else but himself and his personal goals. She saw past the things he did and gave him chance after chance when he didn't deserve it. She was stubborn. Incredibly stubborn. From just his sidekick to his girlfriend then to his adoring wife. Love took on new meaning when he looked at her.

He shook his head of the thought of how they came to be. Someone was coming to him. Her surgeon. The baby was alive and healthy, green fuzz on the top of her head with gorgeous turquoise eyes. When he asked about his wife? Izumi died on the table. Too much blood loss, too high of blood pressure. It shattered his world. He prayed to the gods that this was all just a dream and he'd wake up next to his loving and adoring wife. He'd pull her warm body against him and wake her up with gentle and loving kisses. He'd hear her giggle first thing in the morning, with a soft hum she'd push him back and complain about his old man breath. This was no dream. There were no gods. He held his newborn daughter in his arms, tears silently dripping down his cheeks. He bowed that nothing would happen to her, nothing would hurt her. He named her Izanami. Close to Izumi.

There was a funeral. Closed casket for he had his wife cremated, her ashes in a necklace he carried around his neck and never took off. Her wedding ring was on a separate necklace that held some of her ashes. That one was for their daughter, once she was old enough he'd give it to her. Her younger brother was inconsolable, blaming Enji for her death, for getting her pregnant and damning her to death. He supposed it had been his fault.

Enji blinked slowly, coming back to himself, as soft crying echoed through the office. Had he fallen asleep? No, no he had been dissociating. A quick glance at the time showed it was time for her bottle. He grabbed a prepped one from the mini fridge he kept and warmed it safely in his hands. Picking up his daughter, he gently shushed her. Pressing the bottle to her lips he took her to sit back in his office chair. The 5 month old suckling greedily on the nipple of the bottle. His mind drifted to how radiant his wife would have looked if she had been holding their daughter. He wiped his eyes off unshed tears as Izanami whined for her bottle back. With a soft apology he let her drink her fill, burping her afterwards and cleaning up the spit up. Nami snuggled into her father's warmth and went right back down for her nap.

It was hard without the love of his life but he was managing. However she was never truly gone, he had his memories of her after all.