Secrets

Chapter 1

   Most girls want the fairytale ending with a modern day prince to pick her up when she falls. Not me I always had a taste for the ones with a mystery underneath their belt. One that could make my hormones race not my heart. I didn't want a man to love, just one to have a good time with. I wanted to chase that never ending high, the one no drug can compare to---an adrenaline high. I wanted to do anything that was dangerous. As long as reality was on the back burner I was up for it. He became my medication to my cruel reality. I thought he was everything I would ever need but he turned out to be much more than I signed up for. He turned my already shaking reality into one a father never wants his daughter to be a part of. He claimed me and I was his. The high I once loved turned into a vortex of self destruction and pain. I thought about all of this as I sat on a bright pink couch in my therapist's office. Do I open up my mouth? The risk is too great. He would have me killed if he knew where I was right now. Do I want the child I am carrying to really have a monster for a father; my baby will never be a part of that world. If he finds out I'm pregnant all the progress I have made trying to get away from him will all be for nothing. He will look at it as a sign from god, that we are truly meant to be. A baby is not meant for this life.

"Miss, are you going to talk at all or just continue to stare at that bruise?" The nice doctor lady pulled me back from my thoughts. I guess I was staring at the now purple skin on my arm. You could clearly see it was the shape of his hand. This was not the only one on my body, just the only visible one. The messed up thing is I used to like when he got rough with me now he just takes it to a whole other level. The fun I used to have with him helped turn him into the man he is today. I went way too far with him and it is my fault for making him even more aggressive than he already was. I felt a tear fall from my eyes and I knew I was ready to tell my story.

"This bruise is one of many and a symbol of my past mistakes..." I was cut off by the abrupt sound of gunshots coming from the hallway. The door to our room swung open and I saw the terror lingering on the sweet doctor's face. Her once colorful rosy cheeks now pale due to the terror she was now facing. The light from her eyes drained and blood poured from her torso. Guilt ran through each fiber of my body. I knew I should have never come here. Her blood is on my hands and I will never be able to forgive myself. I turned my head to see the man I once loved pointing a gun at me. I instinctively covered my stomach with my hand. With this motion he lowered his gun for just a moment but then pointed it at me again with a tear running down his beautiful face. He mouthed I love you and pulled the trigger. I shut my eyes and felt the bullet enter my shoulder and shatter my collar bone. Everything went blank and I felt a man pick me up and kiss my forehead. It was him who shot me, but is going to save me? A wet drop hit the top of my lips and fingers went through my hair. Then, I was out once again and I could feel myself slipping away, my mind fading. I must have lost too much blood. I clung on to the person caring me, if this was my last moment I want it to be out of love not hate.

"No baby, don't leave me. I can't live without you. Don't you understand I had to or the boys will think I've gone soft. Don't leave me please I will never hurt you again. Please don't make me do this to you--to us." I almost believed he wanted me to live at this moment but I knew better by now.

It was almost as if time slowed and I was reliving the exact moment I laid my eyes on him. Oh he was so handsome that day no wonder why I couldn't resist him. My eyes traveled up and down his muscular body. His hair almost a golden brown and slicked to the left side of his face met with the bluest eyes I have ever seen. His facial hair was trimmed so cleanly you could even see the precise line where he wanted it to stop. He had on black pants and a white t-shirt but oh man did white bring out his ocean eyes. His eyes sparkled when I looked into his eyes and I knew. I would be hooked on this man for some time. I didn't want anything but a little bit of fun to keep my mind off of the problems going on at home. What kind of distraction is better than a model? Shaking like a leaf I walked up to the handsome man and said hello. Oh the way he smiled when I approached him made my stomach turn in excitement. He was so hot I knew he was from out of town. They didn't make them like this in our little town. He just smiled as his eyes gazed up and down my body until finally meeting mine. I was almost self-conscious about what I was wearing. What was I wearing? Oh who cares.