Underground

09

May 14th, 2022

When I lived in New York for most of my life the ocean was something we rarely went to, the few times my mother said we went being times I don't remember, times I went with my father is how she explained it.

As a child I don't think I have much memory of my first eight years, call it crazy, I know but I my first memory was one memory before my father's death and that's all. I think my memory really did come to me when his death happened and I sort of wish it didn't.

Remembering the pain he left is something a child shouldn't have to remember.

I find it crazy how the mind works, the brains we are born with so undeveloped it takes so long to fully do so, and we all develop differently.

My mind stops running the second my feet stop as well, opening the wooden gate in between the large green hedges guarding the swimming area from people's view passing by to our large Villa. It's about ten in the morning and the only sound is the crashing waves behind me, the harsh sound of my breathing, and the rough beating of my heart.

I woke up early without being able to fall back into slumber, everything has truly been spiraling in my head since lunch with Niall and Harry two days ago and I haven't had time to fully let my brain comprehend how insane the information they gave me is.

How trustworthy they find me is something I can't begin to understand, but I guess they have no choice when I saw Harry literally put a gun to ones head.

Ever since I left that restaurant my mind has been spinning, the fact that every two seconds I have a distraction has been helping distracting me. I am waiting for the spiral, it usually does come later but I truly have been to busy with this trip to even think of my own sanity.

My last two days in LA before getting on the plane had so many business files and meeting I had no time to even reflect on the mind numbing information.

That's why I decided to go on a run, let my brain have time to think while not thinking to much if having to run as well. My brain was in such a spiral as I looked at my watch to see I had been running and pacing the opposing direction for the last two hours so I ran back, getting here now at ten o'clock.

I've heard how dangerous the mafia and gangs are in books and shows but being near or apart of something even more venomous scares me, but I can't hide the small part of me that thrives off of the adrenaline of it.

That all goes to shit when I think about all the horrific things these two men could have already done, how many horrific men are around the corner if I stay succumbed into this situation and most of all, what does this make me?

Sure, perhaps the man that Harry had a gun to was left unharmed, and perhaps he was a bad man to start with, but how many times has he pulled that trigger? How many bullets are missing from that gun's barrel? How many lives are lost at his hands? And How many could be lost at mine.

Then there is the bubbly character that is Niall Horan, he admitted to being apart of this. how many people has he killed? I can't even think of that man raising his voice but I'm sure he has.

There are so many ideas and morals I believe are getting crumpled and thrown into the trash if I continue, but what choice do I have?

Harry already said that that man knowing my features and importance makes me a target, that brief moment of my curiosity has brought me into something I don't want anything to do with.

After I asked them if their was any chance of fleeing the country, or being away from any part in this Harry did something I thought he would never do.

He answered my questions with a moment of deflection.