Underground

15

People never change

they just become more

of who they truly are

May 16th, 2022

"You still blame me don't you?" I ask, and his eyes come up to meet mine, he has no emotion written in his eyes, just numbness.

"You did this to me Lily ." He says and I open my lips to speak but nothing comes out, my words would be pointless because he's right, I made the choice of getting in that vehicle, letting her drive.

"I know I'm sorry-" He doesn't let me continue as he speaks over me.

"You know, if she could see you now, she would be so disappointed." He says and that's when I look up at him, not being able to believe those words were nothing more than a figment of my imagination.

"What?"I ask with broken syllables, I have always thought that, how she would tell me to stop being so scared of the unknown, she would be so disappointed in how small I have made myself these past seven months.

"Your'e whoreing around with your boss? barely ever speak to me anymore and now you want to apologize?!" His exclaims make me jump, I look down, feeling smaller then I have in a while.

I never thought I would find my best friend so broken that he would raise his voice at me, call me a whore, and not accept my apology but here I am, allowing it.

I guess it's time to say hello to that small little girl he is making me feel like again.

My eyes stay closed as I have nothing I can say, what do you say when you continue to blame yourself. You can't say other wise because the guilt is still picking you bits by bits, you can't deny it.

"I loved her lily." He says and thats when I open my eyes to see tears in his own, tears in mine as well.

"I loved her too Georgey." I say, because he can't look me in the eyes and tell me I don't, that's something I won't allow. "And I'm sorry." My voice is so shaky with tears.

"She was always the strong one, she always kept us together and now look at us." He laughs, a genuine laugh until It comes to a complete halt. "Fuck!" he screams and it's now that I realize he is sweating, the light hitting each bead, he definitely has more then alcohol in his system.

"George lets get you home and safe." I say, my demeanor becoming more concerned.

"NO you don't get to do that, you don't get to act like I'm scaring you." He says pacing closer, and that's when I move closer to the bat and farther from him. "Oh my god, your scared of me." He sounds genuinely like I just took his heart and ripped it open, his biggest fear was to make me scared like the men in my life did when I was younger.

"George please just go." My voice cracks, completely shredded, no energy in this subject anymore.

"I miss her Uriella." he says and he looks at me like he's questioning saying something. "I'm gonna find her Ella." He says and that is when I look to him for any bluff, I was the one believed she might still somehow be out there.

"George she's gone, and I finally have admitted that, I think you need to take some time and let that sit in-" His next words cut me off yet again, clearly seeing no room for opposing words.

"She's alive lily! She has to be! And I'm going to find her, just you see." He comes closer slurring his words and rambling as I bring the bat closer to myself.