Dismal

It was late when he got back to the office again. The air was still when he seemed to be the only being awake at this hour, until his other walked through the door. 

Max was spread out on the couch, watching a movie on their VCR, but not really watching it. He was more of just staring at the box as it flashed different colors. 

"Hey buddy, sorry I'm late again," Sam apologized as he took off his coat seemingly right after he opened the door. 

Sam not soon after flopped down next to him with an oof, he winced at the clicking of springs beneath him. 

"We really need to find a new couch," he chuckled, "but this one is just too damn...comfy." His voice trailed off as he looked at Max, eyes still glued to the screen. 

Max could see this from out of the corner of his eyes, but he couldn't bring himself to look at Sam. 

Hes usually all over Sam whenever he comes back, more-so when it's later than expected. But tonight it felt like he was tied to the couch, couldn't move, couldn't even muster a smile. 

He was silent for what seemed like forever...which was probably just a few seconds in reality, before he spoke.

"Max, are you ok?" 

Those words pierced through Max's soul like a burning needle. He tried to keep his composer. 

"I'm just tired." He said, still acting like Sam wasn't beside him. 

"Oh." Sam replied, but not satisfied with his answer. "Are you, um, sure it's just that?" Sam said while also turning to look at the TV. 

"Mhm.." Max hummed. 

He wasn't entirely lying to him. He was tired. But not the kind of tired people go rest for hours to get rid of. 

No, this was a different kind of tired.

Sam sat with him until his film ended. He didn't even know what was on. 

Max continued to stare at nothing, eyes drooped but not fully closed, such slow breathes that at first glance he looked asleep. His ears were unusually drooped to the side of him, as he rest his head on the couch arm. 

Sam was now more worried about his pal. 

"Max, are you sure everything's alright?" Sam asked again, "I don't want to force you to talk, but...you're starting to worry me, pal." 

It took everything in Max to not break into tears. His heart hurt so bad, but he doesn't expect Sam to understand him. He can't even understand why he feels so empty himself. 

"Could it be that you forgot to take your medication today?" 

"Why the hell would you say that?" Max finally spoke, it accidentally came out so quite he almost couldn't even hear himself. 

"Well you--" 

"Shut up Sam!" Max snapped back, starting to sit up as his ears perked back up 

"I don't need to RELY on stupid pills just to feel ok, stop acting like I do! WHO GETS TO DECIDE WHAT'S OK ANYWAY?? Those tablets are FUCKING STUPID, THEY DONT DO ANYTHING, I DONT RELY ON THEM!!" 

He realizes he's just going in circles and stops, holding back tears gets progressively harder to do. 

"Woah woah Max that's not what I meant--" he also sits up, hands hovering around Max, not sure what to do. "I didn't mean to make you upset buddy." 

"You always make sure to get them for me Sam but I dont need them! I'm fine without them, all the bullshit things I'm prescribed for is.. is bullshit! I don't need to take them, not ever. I'm feeling fine- I'm feeling just DANDY Sam see, I don't need to swallow anything!" 

"Max.." Sam scoops Max up and brings him close to him. 

Max can't hold back the sting in his eyes anymore. He burries his face into Sam in an attempt to still conceal his tears, but the tremble in his voice gives him away. 

"I hate having to rely on that shit, Sam." Max sobs as he very lightly hits his chest with a closed fist. "I just want to be normal, I just want to be ok." 

Sam holds him close, not saying a word for a while. 

Sam hears Max stop crying and slowly lifts his head to look at him. Max finally really looks at him tonight. He immediately regrets everything he just said, regrets crying like a baby in his lap. 

"Max, I love you for who you are, and because I love you, I care about you. I know you hate taking them, but they help you. If I didn't care about them I wouldn't go out of my way every 3 weeks to make sure you have more of what you need.." 

Sam dosent know where else to go with this. 

Max is silent for a second. He almost wants to cry again. 

"I'm sorry Sam, you're right, this was stupid I'm sorry." 

"No, it isn't stupid, dont say that now. I'm glad you're being more open with yourself. I'm sorry for saying that earlier, I shouldn't have." Sam places a kiss on his forehead. 

"Cmon, let's go to bed, you must be....tired." Sam says as he stands up, holding Max with him. 

Max can't help but let out a small chuckle, "Yeah, sure, Sam."

They walk out of their office and into their bedroom, just a little ways down. 

Max really doesn't deserve a guy like Sam. 

Before the enter the room, Max tugs on Sam's loose tie, just enough to grab his attention. 

"I love you, Sam....and thank you.." 

Sam kisses him on the lips this time. "Anything for you, pal."