Sam & Max Stripper AU

Chapter 1

Sam has just turned 21, and wanted to celebrate by going to a bar and getting some drinks! Since now he was legally able to, he's never been at a bar before.

He called his older sister, Susan, to ask her if she knew any good places he could go to.

Little did he know she was tricking him.

Sam walked into what he thought was a regular bar, ended up being...

A gay bar.

He wanted to leave, but he didn't want to pay for more gas, so he decided to stay. He was extremely nervous.

He tried not to look at any of the men performing, and just went straight to the bar.

"Why so skittish, pup?"

Sam looked up at the bartender, he was 6'7, taller than Sam was, which is rarely seen. He wore a black collar, with brown pants, and had a blonde mullet type thing going on with his hair. Not to mention he was JACKED. The bartender was cleaning a glass with a rag, as all bartenders do.

"Oh..uh..this is my first time at a...place like this." Sam managed to choke out, trying not to make eye contact with the SEXY BIG MAN IN FRONT OF HIM...oh my god he totally did not just think that.

"Oh well HAHA, have a great time, sucker. Want anything to drink?"

"To be honest just give me something random. I don't care anymore, I just want to drink."

"Uhh ok."

He passes the embarrassed dog a cocktail or something idk.

Sam took a sip, then decided to actually look around.

However, one of the workers caught the hound's eye.

"Holy...who's that?"

"Aw jeez, you don't even know Max?" The bartender asked.

Sam just shook his head, eyes not leaving the bunny on the long stage.

"Ah, well, yeah that's Max, he's been working here for a couple years now. Yeah, he always grabs the attention, the other guys up there HATE him, always stealing the good tips night by night."

"Oh, well thanks." Sam hopped off his seat and started to make his way to the other side of the bar.

"Hey dummy, you're not supposed to just leave your drink!..ugh, whatever."

Sam was finally closer to get a better look at the bunny.

He had white fur that somehow seemed to glisten in the headache-inducing lights. He had long ears that stood up, and a cute little tail to match. He wore nothing but a pair of tight black panties and a black face mask, now that he looked, all of the workers wore face masks. (I guess to hide their identities better for obvious safety reasons... Though it doesn't really work for this Max guy, does it?)

He was down right gorgeous.

Out of nowhere, a green portal opened up, and two weirdos hopped out of it. The background music record scratched.

"Uhhh, Rick, what are we doing in a place like THIS??!"

It was...an old guy and a kid?? AT A GAY BAR???

The old guy let out the nastiest burp known to humanity. "SHUT UP MORTY, I HAVE SOME IMPORTANT BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO HERE!"

"LIKE WHAT, GETTING YOUR LIMP DICK SUCKED BY A RANDOM DUDE??"

"SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH MORTY! GOD!"

The old man ran out the front door, dragging the minor behind him...

'What. The fuck. Was that.' Sam thought after they left.

The bar went back to normal like nothing ever happened (??????) Did he imagine that or something???

Before Sam could try to piece together what he just saw, his attention was brought back to the lagomorph who was getting off the pole and coming right towards him.

He knew it was all part of the show, but holy mother of Mrs. Santa Claus 3 times removed, Sam felt like the center of the world. The dog and rabbit seemed to lock eyes for a moment, and Sam's face had never been that steaming hot in his life before that moment. It took everything in him not to touch him.

Before getting up again, the bunny winked at him, sending Sam's mind out the window. He just stared in awe for a few moments before gaining his composure again, heading back to his seat.

"I need to talk to him." He thought to himself while sitting down.

"If you're thinking about talking to Max, don't. I know this is your first time, but everyone should know you're not supposed to contact the workers after the show."

Sam turned around to look at the bartender. Could he read minds???

"Hey buddy, what's your name?"

"Uhh, Brock. Brock Samso--"

"Ok well listen here Brock, I DONT CARE!" He sighed, looking back at the dancing rabbit grinding on a pole, "I think I'm in love!"

"Yeah, sure...everyone says that." Brock walked off to serve other people wanting to drink away their gay little problems.

...

Sam waited until closing time, at 2am. Sam was dog tired by now

BA-DUM, CHING

He saw that Max was going out back, and decided to meet him there.

He saw the rabbit's ears peeking around a corner.

"Uh, h-hi! I uh saw you performing and i-- oh wow, teeth!"

Because of the face mask, he didn't know Max had massive fucking chompers I mean Jesus christ--

Max was now in shaggy, worn out sweater and pants, a totally different fit from what he was previously wearing a while ago. He also held a smoke between two of his fingers, as a trail of smoke leaked out from inbetween his, as previously stated, massive fucking chompers.

"Tch," the rabbit turned the other way, taking another huff from his cigarette.

"Ah, sorry! I didn't mean to offend you! I just--"

"You DO know you're not supposed to try and get with the strippers after work, right? I thought that was common sense." He took a huff and blew smoke besides him, taking another quick glance at who was talking to him. "Oh, you're that dog. Well it was nice meeting you, but I'm going home." He flicked his cigarette onto the concrete beside him and started to walk away. (don't litter kids, that shits lame.)

"W-Wait!"

Max expected to feel a rough hand yank his arm, leaving a bruise. But he didn't. All of the other men trying to have sex with him did, why not this guy?

He gave his attention to the hound.

"Look, I just want to...try to get to know you..! You seem like a uh..interesting guy-- god I sound stupid-- can I just get your number or something?? You might get this a lot but I never felt like I did in there before, and..."

The dog kept going on and on, Max wasn't even listening to him anymore. He was just surprised that this was the first guy who didn't try to take advantage of him, during or after work. Nobody was around, he could get away with it if he wanted to! But instead he stood there, fumbling over his words like a high-school boy a week before prom night.

The rabbit cut him off, "Fine, FINE! anything to get you to shut your yap!" The lagomorph pulled out a piece of scrap paper and a pen out of nowhere and scribbled down a number, slapping it down in the hound's paws.

"Now, goodnight." The rabbit finally took his leave. He hated to admit he was a little flustered. He never gets flustered.

Sam looked at the number in his hands, he felt his tucked tail try to wag underneath his pants. He shoved the paper in his pocket, and skipped away back to his car, clicking his heels together like the little gay bitch he is.