Audio and visual

Chapter seven

"And you forgave him?" Eliza asks, something ruffles on her side of the phone like she might've sat up. It's 2AM but I had suddenly needed Eliza's help with Jaxon.

"Uh, yeah." I mutter, sighing and running a hand through my hair.

"Taylor he sounds like he intends to change absolutely nothing, the thought doesn't count. It's what you do not what you think in situations like this." Eliza responds immediately.

I bite my lip, "Should I like, un-forgive him?" I squeeze my eyes shut, "Is that even a thing? God I wish you were here."

"Un-forgiving someone isn't a thing no, but you do have to tell him you're not a doormat! Get him to actually do something!" Eliza says authoritatively, "I wish I were there too." she adds more softly, "I'm really glad you called by the way."

I smile sadly, closing my eyes lightly, "I am too." I whisper.

"By the way, he obviously wants you to forgive him the most." Eliza sighs, "And I know he said to you that it was because he didn't get your reaction but I think it's something else."

My eyes open slowly, "I, I, are you suggesting what I think you are?"

"Well I don't know if he likes you-"

I grip the sheets, "He doesn't."

"He might not know it yet." Eliza finishes.

I scrunch my brow, "Eliza that doesn't make sense, you're to tired, get some sleep."

She sighs, "Keep me updated ok? Keep. Me. Up. Date. Ed."

I nod, "I will."

I hear her just breathe for a moment, "Goodnight Taylor."

"Goodnight Eliza." I whisper. And she clicks the phone off. As soon as she does I panic a little, this time I can't fall asleep after a late night call and know she's there to keep talking, I wish I had kept her on the phone longer. Tears spring up in my eyes and I shake my head, she's always gonna answer calls, I assure myself, she said so.

I know she won't always answer though, I know she'll be doing work and going to parties and kissing boys I'll never know about. I know that the family calls will get less frequent and I know she'll dread coming home over vacation and I know eventually she'll start skipping even those trips.

I burry my head in my pillow, feeling hollow and forgotten by a future version of my sister. The tears are now falling and I have to blink to gage what time the clock reads, 2:21.

Tomorrow- or I guess today now- is the first day of junior year but I don't want to do a single thing, I want to be left alone.

I don't want to sleep now but being alone with my thoughts is just gonna make me cry more so I stare at the wall and empty my mind as much as possible before I feel safe enough within my own head to close my eyes and be alone with it. Whoever said it was more distracting to open your eyes obviously wasn't a very active thinker.

It takes forever to fall asleep, and when I do I dream of a million things I can't take in, colors flash and people walk in and out asking me questions that seem out of context and insane, sceneries change and times do too.

Who knew sleeping could be so complicated?

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The next day I decide to do eyeliner and mascara and blush- my version of the works. For some reason today I want to feel like I rule the world, wether it's the whole first day of school complex or some after math of last night I wanna feel like Alaska from looking for Alaska, I wanna feel like a goddess.