Game Changer ♠ Remus Lupin

One: I Did Not Cry

It thought that when I finish school, the world would be open to me. That if I work hard enough, I can achieve whatever I want. After all, I was no longer tied by anything anymore, certainly not by my parents. I was supposed to ace my N.E.W.Ts, say goodbye to my second home and go out into the world. I had no idea how badly I might be mistaken.

It started shortly after Remus left. A rumour spread around the castle just a few days before the end of the year, about a teacher-student romance - as you probably well guessed, a love affair between me and Remus. I didn't have to look for the guilty party as it was obvious that Ryley was the one who had done it. These were his last moments in this school, he couldn't miss the opportunity to ruin my life without any consequences.

The students quickly caught on to the topic. It was just revealed that the professor was a werewolf, and there's something like that! The story got even more spicy.

A few days turned out to be a long time. I lost track of how many insults and rude jokes were thrown at me, as well as how many condemning stares I received. Unfriendly faces greeted me wherever I turned. Only one person appeared to be pleased with the turn of events and he was sitting at the teacher's table.

Connor took it the worst. He was devastated when he heard it. He found me as soon as possible, grabbed my shoulders and stared me down, visibly distressed.

"Is it true?" he asked. I think he was shaking me. "Tell me that everything they're saying is nonsense."

I wasn't sure what to do. I wanted to stop lying to people, I wanted to be better, but I didn't want to hurt anyone and that's exactly what would happen to Connor if I were to told him the truth. I would have hurt Remus by making his situation worse.

"Don't know anything about it," I said without batting an eye. So much for being a better person. "It's just Ryley being a jealous ex-boyfriend."

He took his hands off me, took a step back and looked down at me. "Why don't I believe you?"

Because you shouldn't. Because I'm a terrible person who uses people over and over again. Because you don't really know me, because I have never fully opened up to you.

"Why aren't you speaking out against him? Why are you allowing people to talk about you like this?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "It would just entice them."

He started shaking his head, as if unable to accept what had been said. "The Ethel I know wouldn't just sit around."

"And how well do you know me? Huh?" I grumbled as my patience got thin. I didn't have the strength to have this conversation with him after everything that had happened.

"Apparently not well," he mumbled. He took another step away from me, then changed his mind and began anxiously pacing back and forth. "I won't put up with this. I can't. I- I... It's not worth it. You don't even try and I'm just making a fool of myself."

I looked down at my clasped hands. "I understand."

"That's all? Really?!" he burst out. This had to be causing the poor boy a great deal of worries. "See, that's what I'm talking about."

"I'm sorry I'm not what you expected me to be."

"You..." He pointed a finger at me, his jaw clenched and his face turning redder and redder. After a moment he got a hold of himself and took a deep breath. "They warned me about you, you know. But I didn't listen.

"Who did?" In this castle, everyone had an opinion of me. Not necessarily a good one.

"My friends. Even Pucey came up to me once, asking how do I keep you with me. But I see we were just next to each other."

"It's not like you don't mean anything to me. Connor, I do care about you," I assured him, hoping to make the situation a little less tense. Not for me, but for him, so he wouldn't feel so horrible when he walks out.

He then turned around and looked me in the eyes, and it was only then that I realized he was holding back tears. "So tell me – did you love me? At any point?"

There it was. The word that I couldn't get out of my mouth. The last time I spoke it, I said it to someone else, but someone who was just as angry with me and about to cry. As you can see, I was doing great with my life.

"Connor, I..." I tried, but my voice got stuck in my throat. I fought with myself whether to lie for his sake or be honest, but if so, how did I feel about him? It certainly wasn't love. "I really- Please..."

"I'm a fucking idiot," he cut me off in the middle of my pitiful efforts. He began walking away from me, only to come to a halt and openly admit without glancing in my direction, "Don't worry. I don't believe these rumours. You're too cold to have done this."

I did not cry. Perhaps I wasn't as far off from the stereotypical Slytherin as I had believed. When Connor left, I didn't feel anything and that scared me a little.

I did not cry when a familiar owl delivered me an envelope with a cloth torn out of the family painting with my face on it. My parents made me understand that I was no longer their daughter. I had nothing to go back to, but also nowhere to go.

I did not cry when my friends turned their backs on me. Jaylee stopped seeking my attention and begging for forgiveness. She wanted nothing more than to be anywhere away from me. I thought that at least Wilton would stay since, unlike Jaylee, he didn't suddenly pretend I didn't exist. But when it was time to go back, he walked right past my seat on the train without a second thought.

It pained me even though I knew they weren't true friends. I lost my place in this school, among these students. I had no idea how to act in this strange new reality in which it wasn't me who was standing at the top.

My world came crashing down around me in a matter of days. Remus' leaving had the greatest impact on me, and everything that followed was an avalanche effect. I had no doubt that nothing would ever be the same from then on.

I didn't know what to do as the seventh year came to an end. There seemed to be no place for me in this world. I felt like a prisoner who had been released after a long sentence but had not been prepared for life on their own. Without family, without a job, without a place to live, but with people pointing their fingers wherever you were.

What a surprise it was when, on the last day of the school year, I got a letter with no signature but a hippogriff's feather inviting me to 12 Grimmauld Place.