Game Changer ♠ Remus Lupin

Five: Only the Lonely Can Play

With Harry Potter's return to school, Remus resumed his previous routine, visiting the flat only on rare times and typically in the evenings, unless he was obliged to attend Order meetings. Our interactions were limited to passing each other in the halls. It came to the point where I was seeing Tonks more than I was seeing him.

It made me wonder what he thought of me. Exactly two years ago, it was evident he was madly in love with me, even before I developed such feelings for him. That was clearly reflected by the beautiful words he spoke and sensitive gestures he made. I still remember him declaring me the best thing ever made and his soft lips placing delicate kisses on my neck.

I thought we were done all this year. That I had hurt him so terribly that the love he once felt for me had overridden his hatred. But he told me the day he left that he didn't hate me and now he hinted that there were still remains of his feelings for me deep within him.

His behaviour, on the other hand, showed something quite different. Despite the fact that he was always nice and polite while interacting with me, he simply tried his hardest to avoid that. He sat far away from me at meetings; when he came out of his room to eat supper and found just me at the table, he waited for me to leave; when he noticed that I was looking in his direction, he glanced away instantly. He avoided me, and not only did I notice it, but so did everyone else. Moody was giving me weird stares, clearly recalling the events of 31st July in the Drawing Room.

What's worse, I wasn't the only one who felt Remus' absence. Sirius wandered aimlessly around his own house, too scared of hassling me to stop by my room's door and having no idea how else to pass the time. He was having difficulties sleeping, as I could hear his footsteps on the wooden stairs late at night.

It did not sit right with me at all. Sirius was, I hoped I could call him that, my friend, and I just couldn't get over seeing him like that. In a way, I felt obliged to keep him company, considering that he had invited me to his home where, despite my presence, he felt lonely.

"You should go out, enjoy the day," he said when I suggested a round of Exploding Snap after dinner one time. "Just because I can't leave the house doesn't mean you have to be stuck here too."

I grimaced as if spending a moment anywhere outside this house was unthinkable. "I just really like your company, you know? We purebloods should stick together."

"No, Ethel, I mean it." Any traces of playfulness vanished from his face. "For a week you haven't gone further than the backyard. You spend all your spare time with me, as if I need round the clock care."

I was genuinely stumped by his voice's fragility. I never imagined Sirius to be powerless or in need of help, but that's how he sounded. It was very unlike of him, and I could tell he wasn't comfortable saying something like that. As much as it worried me, I realized that focusing on him and dwelling on his troubles was the worst thing I could do right now. So I made it about me.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do," was the only thing I could come up with on the spot. "Everyone has their own important tasks and although I am officially a member of the Order, I do nothing. I know I'm young, but not useless."

"Certainly not," Sirius snorted, "You're useful in the kitchen."

I pushed myself on the table, trying to punch him, but all he did was lean back in his chair, a mocking smirk on his face as I struggled to reach him. "Maybe I really should leave you alone."

He spread his hands and raised them up as if praying to the heavens, "Oh, please do!"

I gave up and sat back down in my chair. "You think you can manage without me? You won't last long with Kreacher here."