GOLDEN HOUR, hailee steinfeld

007. mending

april 2020

HAILEE was never one to miss what she couldn't have, or miss what she could have. The singer had her share of boyfriends throughout her fame, never truly missing any of them after their fallouts.

In her opinion, heartache and heartbreak was a part of life. Getting up and moving on was crucial in character development. It showed how strong you were.

Hailee didn't want to be strong when it came to Carson. She couldn't be strong.

Every atom, every molecule, every cell in her body yearned for the rockstar. Each and every nerve desired the feeling that only Carson provided.

Hailee didn't just miss Carson, she needed Carson.

It was a terrible feeling to have. It was unfamiliar, and uncomfortable to want someone so much even though you know you can't have them.

That wasn't even the worst part of it all. It was the fact that Hailee refused to talk to anyone about it. Her friends knew that Carson and Hailee weren't really talking, but they didn't know why.

In all honesty, her friends were concerned for Hailee. The girl wasn't really going out, and she wasn't active on social media. She didn't reach out often, and she rarely responded to their texts.

The only friend that managed to break her shell was Madison. Hailee didn't know why she agreed to going to get coffee with Madison on Monday morning, but she did.

"Sow how have you been?! Seems like I haven't seen you in forever!" Madison's bright personality quickly allowed Hailee to lighten up.

"I've been better, but I've had some time to work on my music and journaling."

"You like journaling?" Hailee nodded passionately with a smile, "I love journaling!"

"No way! What do you write about? Like anything in particular?" Hailee questioned, sipping at her latte.

"Not really anything in particular, just my feelings. How bout you?"

"I do the same. Just write down how I'm feeling each day. It really helps when trying to write music."

"It really does." Madison took a sip of her drink, setting it on the table. "I hate being blunt but I wanna know what's going on with Carson."

Hailee was glad Madison wanted to talk about Carson. Madison knew Carson the best and would be able to provide Hailee with some good advice.

"We were doing good and then during Taylor's Evermore launch we had a fight."

"Over what?"

"I got jealous. She was touching another girl. I got upset and left. She followed me and asked what was wrong and I was really rude to her. But then she was rude back and said I was only a one night stand. We haven't talked since then."

"Jesus.." Madison whispered, shaking her head, then rubbing her forehead in discontent, "I'm sorry she said that. You don't deserve to be talked to like that and she knows that."

Hailee wondered what Madison meant by 'and she knows that', but she decided to leave it be.

"I should've just listened to all my friends. I fell into the stupid cliche of thinking I could change her. I was so wrong."

"No! You weren't...not at all." Madison said enthusiastically, but then calmed down, almost like she said too much. "You can change her. I see it. The way she treats you and speaks about you. You light her up like never before."

"Then why is she like that?"

"She is terrified."

"Of what? Me?"

"No." Madison said, "Of love."

It all made sense to Hailee. Why the rockstar had such high built walls. Why the walls were reinforced with boulders of stone. She understood Carson so much, but it was as if this final piece of information completed the puzzle.

"I don't know why she talks to so many girls. I don't understand why she thinks its okay to hurt other people, but I believe you can teach her love. You can mend her heart."

CARSON groaned, pausing her show as her phone buzzed violently. Blindly, she reached for her phone, hitting the accept button, and holding it to her ear.

"Mads its Bachelorette night."

"It's me." Carson paused, "Hailee. Madison gave me your number. I'm sorry for interrupting I can call later. Or lose your number. Sorry if this is weird, I'll-"

"Hailee stop. You're okay. I can always watch it later. Are you okay?" The concern that built within Carson's stomach was alarming. It caused her stomach to ache, worrying about Hailee and if something happened.

"I'm okay..."

"Then what's up." Carson got up, stretching and making her way to the kitchen. The rockstar set the phone between her ear and shoulder and tilted her neck.

"I don't know why I called. This is stupid." Carson paused in her kitchen, grabbing the phone quickly.

"No. Don't go." On the other side of the phone, Hailee's heart fluttered. Carson wanted her to keep talking. "Why'd you call Hailee?"

"I miss you. I tried to make the feeling go away but I can't Carson! I don't care if all I was was some stupid one night stand. I need you to know that my body aches for you."

Butterflies. Carson was not familiar to this feeling. An uncontrollable smile formed on her face as her heart skipped a beat. Madison's words repeated in her head:

'She is your chance.'

"Tell me more." Carson whispered, making Hailee cheekily smile on the other side. She heard the teasing tone in Carson's voice. It reminded her of the night they first hooked up. Hailee crossed her legs in a giddy way, swinging them back and forth as she sat at her kitchen table.

"Well...I don't know. I miss the feeling of your skin on mine. The way your body moves against mine. I miss your eyes. I think about that night so much I don't think you understand."

"How do I make you feel?"

It was Hailee's turn to get butterflies. The slight rasp in Carson's voice made a pit form in her lower stomach.

"So good."

"Use your words Hailee." Hailee's face heated up as her voice shook.

"Um...its like fire. You're so warm. You kiss me gently, burning your touch into my skin. But its also like the coldest winter. You make my veins go icy and when you touch me I freeze. When you look at me I freeze. You make me so nervous."

"I like that." Carson whispered into the phone. "I like you."

Hailee sat up at that, holding the phone closer. Her mouth went dry as she replayed Carson's statement in her head. Was she hallucinating, or did Carson Darik actually just say that.

"Hailee? Don't tell me-"

"I like you too." Hailee spoke quickly and softly, her heart dropping due nervousness. Her hands were shaking in excitement. Carson's sweet giggle filled the phone. "But-"

"But?" Carson asked

"How do I know you don't just say this to every girl. I mean you flirt and touch any girl who looks at you. How do I know you aren't just saying this to get in my pants again?"

"Ouch. I deserve that." Carson paused for a second, not wanting to word vomit and mess this up. She had a history of word vomiting. "Let me take you out. Somewhere public and nice. But like private of course. It would be just us."

The smile on Hailee's face was brighter than the sun on a Saturday morning. Her palms were sweating due to the nerves coursing through her figure.

"When?"

"Tomorrow?"

"It's a date."