1968

Chapter Thirty: January 26th 1969

Jacob's point of view:

Today would be the worst day of my life, I just didn't know it yet. We all knew Mai hadn't been feeling well, but the doctor said it was just because of the pregnancy and that she would be fine. She wasn't due for another two weeks, but she started getting those horrible contractions of the twenty sixth of January, even though she was due the twelfth of February.

Initially, this was when the fear set in. I realized then that I was about to be a father and I wasn't even ready. I told her I was excited and happy about it, and I was, but I was frightened. What if I was a bad father? I couldn't stand knowing that I had failed my child. I was so young, this wasn't my time to do this. I didn't know why, but I felt more alone and terrified than ever. My life was still intact and I still had my sanity, but every time Mai had a contraction, I would want to faint.

"Everything will be alright, Jacob. You will be fine," Lorelei said to me as we sat in the chair. I wasn't allowed to go in like Peter was. Mai was having some difficulties and she needed to be alone with the doctor for everything to go smoothly. I complied with the request, but in reality I would have rather been in there with her.

"I'm so scared of being a dad, Lorelei. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to raise a baby. I barely know how to take care of myself. I'm a musician, now I'll have to get a real job so I can provide for my family. What am I even going to do?" I asked. Lorelei was in a state of emotion but not like me, I was in shambles. All she could do was sit there and let me talk while she rubbed my back to keep me relaxed. Nothing could calm me down right now, but she still tried.

"I can't say I know, but I'll always be there to help you. Plus, dad and mom will never stop being there for you whenever you need it. They raised five kids, mom was seventeen when she had Emmaleigh. That's almost two years younger than you. Trust me, people do this all the time. You'll be fine," Lorelei went on. I wished that I could believe her, that I could just hear her say the words and be fully convinced. I couldn't do that though, I was incapable of thinking of the best case scenario when it came to the future of my child.

"I don't know..." I replied. There wasn't much else I could say to her. It was even harder comprehending anything good while I heard Mai screaming for dear life while she was in there. I wanted to be in there, but the doctor had locked the door for safety measures. What measures did he have to take?

Lorelei and I sat there together for what seemed like hours on end. It had only been two when the screaming had abruptly stopped. This was then substituted by the wailing of a crying baby. My child was born, but they had not yet opened the doors for me to see it. My parents were there as well, and so was Mihn. The others were waiting at home for me so Mai wouldn't get overwhelmed by all the people. I felt fear crawling over me again, but I was prepared to face it. I was a father now, I had to be strong for my baby.

The doctor opened up the door and my sister and I both stood from our chairs. The doctor had pulled off his gloves, his apron covered in blood. It was just a disgusting sight, but I didn't back away from it. I was too delved into knowing how my child was and how Mai was. I prayed and prayed that everything would be alright.

"It's a boy," he stated. I couldn't believe it when I heard it. I had a son, I had a little boy. A little baby boy that was mine and mine only, and Mai's of course. This thought was taken away from me when I noticed the doctor was sullen.

"Doctor?" Lorelei asked. He sighed and his face went down for a few seconds. What had happened?!

"I'm very sorry about your loss, mister Horowitz," he said and then left the room. My eyes widened as I took a little glance into the room. My body froze in horrified trauma when I saw the cold and dead body of Mai on the bed. Her eyes were wide open but she was gone, pale and frozen. It was like my body had shut down, like every aspect of the universe had gone totally and eternally black. Mai didn't make it, she died. I lost my love, I was alone. I didn't know what to do, all I could do was stand there, horrified by what I was seeing.