The Study Group

Chapter 4: Job Opportunities|Zach

I hated whoever laid out the university. The school's office building was as far away from the student housing as it could possibly be. And of course, that's where I needed to go to figure out where I would be working for the year. Last year I worked at the coffee shop located in the Union. But I was so horrible at it that I doubt I would be working there again. Regardless of where I would be working, I continued my walk down the street toward the office.

I tried ignoring it as best I could. But the thoughts continued to swell in my mind, begging for attention and growing the longer I neglected them. Mariah seemed pretty desperate to get me out of the room. My room. Why? What could she have possibly wanted me to leave for? Several possibilities swirled in my mind. Was she planning a surprise? Why not include me? It wasn't my birthday, right? Did I forget my own birthday again? Maybe Quinn was right and I had overworked myself again.

Or was something else? Maybe it wasn't a surprise. What else could it be? A secret? Something only between Quinn and Mar-Mar? Nah. We tell each other everything. They're the only ones who knew what my life was like before the incident. Quinn and I were the only ones Mariah trusted to learn about her wealth and future monopolies she would inherit when her parents died. And Quinn. He was my best friend. I lived with the dude. And his family. I knew him better than anyone. Aside from his mildly delusional younger brother, his family was the best thing to ever happen to me. His mother worked hard to support them. She had a successful bar and club in the downtown area. And Quinn's father owned an accounting firm downtown. He often visited the family and helped Quinn's mother budget for the club.

There was no way there was a big secret between them. I would've known about it.

Unless, I thought, being struck with a realization. Maybe it's something new. Something personal to the two of them? But what could that be?

There wasn't much they had in common. The two of them had met through a mutual friend--me. Aside from inheriting the family business in the future, they seemed pretty different. Mariah's usually a ray of sunshine. Sometimes a little cynical but an optimist at heart. Quinn on the other hand is a total pessimist. He has a tendency to see the worst outcome and give up before he even starts. At least in social situations.

So what is it that could make Mariah push me out of my room? There was only one explanation left in my mind.

An affair.

Quintin and Mariah were a couple.

And they didn't tell me.

I felt my heart ache at that realization. They hadn't told me, and they weren't comfortable with me knowing. That's why they wanted me to leave. They wanted to be together. Alone. I was being a third wheel. How could I have been so blind? Worse yet, how could I have been cuddling with my friend's boyfriend? It was something we did often, sure, but that was before Quintin started dating Mariah. It felt like a betrayal. Of Mariah's feelings and trust. And she still offered to help me unpack after catching me with him. I definitely would have to apologize to her when I got back to the dorm.

Regardless of if they told me or not, I was happy for them. If they had managed to form an intimate bond, who was I to interfere?

They're lucky to have each other. It means they'll always have someone. Even... I felt my stomach tighten.  Even if that someone isn't me.

Why would I think that?! I have no reason to be jealous of them. What they have is beautiful. It's not for me. It's for them.

But it still hurts. Why does it hurt?

I don't care if it hurts. If it makes them happy, that's enough for me.

I looked up. I had finally reached the school's office. I stepped inside. No time for a pity party. I had to figure out where I was working.

"Hey there, sweet pea," the receptionist welcomed me as I walked in. "What can I do for ya'?"

"Hi," I started. I cleared my throat. "I was wondering where I'd be working this year?"

"Oh! I can get that for ya'! What's ya' name, sweetheart?"

"Uh, Zach--Zachariah Holmes."

"Okay," she said slowly as she typed my name into her computer. "It looks like... Hmm... Ah! There ya' are. Zachariah Holmes: Tutor in Hundt Library."

"What? Tutor?" I asked.

"Yep! And it looks like you start..." she trailed off as she looked at her screen. "Tomorrow at 4 pm!"

Great. Thanks for that wonderful communication. If I hadn't made the trek to the office, I would've been late for my first day of work.

"Okay," I sighed. "Thank you."

"My pleasure, sweetheart! You have a lovely afternoon, ya' hear?"

"You too!" I turned and left. I stood outside the office for a few minutes.

I guess I should get back to Cunningham Hall, I thought to myself. I didn't move. They'll probably be expecting me back soon.

I took a step away from the office and towards the direction of Cunningham Hall.

Do they still need me? I thought to myself. Now that they have each other? Am I still of any help to them?

I couldn't help but think of how Mariah practically pushed me out the door. If she needs to force me to leave, that's not being helpful. That's being a burden. Was I nothing more than a burden to them now? Someone that hindered their relationship? I didn't want that.

But they don't know you know, I thought to myself. Even if you've been a burden on them, you can't let them know that you're aware of their relationship. So just go back like nothing's different. Like you aren't a horrible friend.

With that... inspirational pep talk to myself, I started making my way back to Cunningham Hall. To the lovebirds experiencing their honeymoon phase in my room. And with each step I took, my heart grew heavier. And with each passing moment, I silently make a selfish wish. A wish that I knew was wrong in multiple ways. But regardless, I still made the wish. The wish that it was me.

And not her.