Loving You as a Friend [BL]

Chapter 23: It Was Enough

"... What?"

Haru felt the grip on his hand loosen, his eyes greatly dimmed, unsurprised with his reaction. 'What was I thinking? It's never worth confessing to a friend. Even more, if they love your friend instead.' He sighed, wriggling his hand free, "Like I said, nothing has to change. I'm not asking for anything and... Don't worry, it's not like I've forgotten our mission to protect him." Haru smiled painfully, his eyes staring emptily into Ren's wavering blue eyes, "My feelings for you won't bring harm to Fujisaki-san so don't worry."

Ren stared back at him, continuing to remain silent even though it was hurting Haru badly. He spoke softly, "Miyamoto... what do you mean you like me?"

'That's the first question you ask?...'

Haru could well and truly feel his heart disintegrating, almost letting go of that tear threatening to fall from his ruby-red eyes, sliding down his cheek before being wiped away by his sleeve.

Except.

None of that happened because, why cry over something that was completely within his predictions?

"Haha..." His throat coughed up a dry laugh, "I know what I said." He gave a dry smile before continuing, "I don't know if I like Fujisaki-san romantically, maybe I like him as a friend, maybe all I felt was the feeling of someone taking something that belonged to you but my feelings for you, Aikawa, are genuine." Haru couldn't call his feelings towards Shin simple. He wasn't jealous but he was, he wasn't supposed to be hateful towards him but he was, he was his friend but he was the reason Ren would never love him. His love for him as a friend, his hatred for him as a rival, everything all at once, for two lifetimes he had these warring feelings, but in the end what had it been for?

Haru didn't know the answer, maybe it was simply because he cared too much about Ren's happiness than his own, that he would be okay with sacrificing his love just so he could be happy instead.

'I was the one who found you first, I was the one who introduced you to him so why am I all by myself? Even back then, your eyes only followed him. Back when we were kids, he was the only person you paid attention to.'

"Miyamoto, this... this isn't right. Are you sure you know what you're saying? Maybe you're mistaking how you feel for something else." Ren shook off his confession, choosing to direct it elsewhere. Focusing on deflecting his feelings, he didn't notice the lack of light shining in Haru's once bright, passionate red eyes. "Miyamoto, you know I only see you as a friend so why are you saying this now?"

"Why are you trying to change our relationship?"

'I just told you, nothing needs to change... you were never listening to me, were you?'

Haru pulled their hands apart, flashing him a perfect smile, biting his tongue to avoid saying anything unnecessary, "I'm telling you something that I've kept a secret for so long and yet, you respond by downplaying how I feel... You start to deny the fact that what I feel for you is genuine." He felt like he was vomiting blood, purposely stomping his heart again and again, only to swallow back his pain, "I'm not telling you to like me, I'm not telling you to stop pursuing Fujisaki-san, I can treat you like a friend. Just like I've always been doing but... please. Don't deny the way I feel about you."

That single tear he was holding back quietly slid down, he couldn't hold it in anymore. He felt like that single tear was the only outlet he had, the only outlet to express his heartbreak.

"Miyamoto... I didn't mean to deny or downplay how you feel. I just thought that you are misplacing your feelings for me. After all, if you liked me, then why did you agree back then? Why did you come to this world?"