[xiuhun/hunhan] :: remember?

05 :: remember when you were insecure?

Trigger Warning

This chapter contains depictions of depression, eating disorders, a car crash, and suicide

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The glasses were the first thing to go when they debuted.

Sehun had liked the soft nerdy look the round frames gave MinSeok, but MinSeok insisted he didn't really need them.

It started out as innocent things like that. He didn't need glasses, then he wanted to get rid of his old clothes because he just didn't think they were stylish enough. Then he started to obsess over his hair, it had to be done perfectly or he'd just wear a hat.

When he began skipping meals, Sehun finally began to pick up on it.

And when he began working out late into the night, Sehun had had enough.

They had fought over it. MinSeok simply refused to believe that he wasn't an unhealthy weight, and that his behaviors themselves were unhealthy.

It wasn't until he fainted during a concert that he began to accept Sehun's help. Slowly, they began to fade MinSeok into a more healthy diet, and he wasn't allowed to work out on his own anymore. It took months, but eventually, he gained back some of the weight he had lost.

He didn't become suicidal until his father was killed. They were in the middle of a concert when he received a call from the morgue asking him to identify the bodies of both him and his stepdad.

The mangled and burned bodies of his parents was MinSeok's first run-in with death. It completely unraveled all they had worked towards, and MinSeok's eating habits fell again, and his mental health took a turn for the worst. 

Sehun knew how close he was with his parents. They called regularly, almost every night, to ask how things were going, when MinSeok's next concert would be, and to tell him how much they loved him. MinSeok never quite got over the guilt of it, for they were on their way to see him in concert when the crash happened.

Maybe if he never got into singing, he'd always say, this wouldn't have happened. 

Maybe if he never got into singing, Sehun thought, none of this would have happened.

Sehun opened up with this to LuHan late one night, when they were reminiscing about the Hyung they'd shared an unconditional love for. It became more and more common as the weeks passed. Even though LuHan had gotten more of his pills, he chose not to take them, it helped them both to move on to just talk about MinSeok.

As time went on, their conversations strayed further and further from MinSeok, and so did Sehun's dreams.

LuHan began to accompany Sehun to MinSeok's grave, but their visits began to dwindle, spending their days instead at the park or on walks.

The first time they watched a movie together, Sehun found himself holding LuHan close, the older practically in his lap, face buried in his chest.

"Horror movies scare you?" Sehun laughed quietly.

"Y-Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm a total wuss..." LuHan laughed.

Sehun shook off the overwhelming deja vu and guilt that came with what LuHan said, though he couldn't quite pinpoint where it came from.

It was 6 months after MinSeok passed that Sehun and LuHan first shared a kiss. It was two months after that they first shared a bed, and 8 months after that, LuHan's ring took a place on Sehun's left ring finger.