Set Her Free

It's not the same when I woke up without her beside me.

I don't know how long it has been since the last time I saw her, all I know is... She's gone.

Days, more so, weeks have passed and I still can't seem to recover from what happened.

On how I saw her cry every day and every night, on how we argued untimely, and how I woke up by the next day with her side of the bed empty.

I am in so much pain, but every time I wanted to blame her for causing me so much pain—I would then ask myself, "How hard is it for her to end up leaving?"

Ironically, she didn't lose me, but I lost her in just a blink of an eye. And that makes me regret that I didn't hug her as she cried herself to sleep, and for being too complacent that she'll still be here whatever happens.

I forgot that she's one extraordinary girl with a beautifully chaotic mind and that's just simply it.

I'm a man overwhelmed with extreme emotions towering me.

I want to get mad at her for not keeping her promise that she won't leave me, but up to what extent?

I want to grieve and mourn for losing her, but I know that she hates to see me in that kind of state.

I want to blame myself that I wasn't able to save her by that time around, but at the back of my mind I can hear her voice telling me that I shouldn't punish myself for her own decision.

It's hard that wherever I go she's the only one I could ever think of, whatever I do she's always with me. And how every inch of the house reminds me of her—she's gone, but she left me with tons of memories and traces of her, and it cuts too deep.

I remember everything even from the day we met—all the firsts we have shared; the time I talked to her, the time I get to hold of her hand, how I hugged her all too sudden, how she stole kisses from me, those unplanned dates, the night I owned her, and those heartbreaking moments that I get to see her most vulnerable side.

She told me that she'll stay no matter what happens, she told me that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me—I held onto her words even up until now and that pains me.

All her random questions that she threw at me almost every single day suddenly rang inside my head. I remember how I used to get irritated with her nonstop questions most especially when she's asking for assurance that I'll stay and will never leave her.

And so suddenly I missed how she constantly asked me those questions. I don't care how much she wants to repeat it all over again, I will always be willing to answer those without any hesitations; I just want her back.

I'll miss how she wraps her warm arms around me whenever she's being clingy, if I could get a chance to feel it again, I will never let her go; I just want her back.

I'll miss those times that she'll randomly roll her eyes on me and how she starts to put up a petty fight between us. If only I had more time, I will never get tired of pursuing her over and over again. I just want her back.

I've spent my whole life loving and helping her fix herself, but now that she's gone I don't even know how to start my life without her.

It's hard that I have to miss her like this, it would be better if she just went away—but she's too cruel for leaving me without even giving me a chance to hug her again.

She's gone, but maybe in time I'll heal though I know that it won't be easy.

In another life—or in our next life our fate will cross once again, maybe we could still be together, and by that time I'll make sure that she won't be the one that got away.