all the things i love about you| B.E.

•13•

I was now on my mid terms break, it's been 4 days since my little moment with Billie, i feel worse.

I haven't eaten a proper meal in days and the only time i come out of my room is to go to the bathroom. I have been blocking out everyone, even my sister, and i feel horrible i just don't want her to think that she is the problem. Kristal's been checking up on me every so often, Billie didn't come around much because of her meetings for tour. She does text me everyday though, and even though i don't answer she knows i see the messages and she knows it makes me feel better.

I have edited the last three videos that Claudia posted on her channel, and so far the comments have been suspicious that Claudia isn't editing them anymore. I asked her if i could remain anonymous to the viewers but she could say that she does have an editor.

"Hayden, i'm coming in." Kristal said coming into my room, she knew that if she knocked i just would've shut her out.

"Kristal, what if i was naked ? Hmm?" I asked light heartedly to try and dissipate the tension in the air.

"Nothing i haven't seen" she raised a brow. I looked down at my lap and chuckled. "Anyway, today you're talking to me and there's no way out, i've given you your space for long enough i think."

"Yeah, you're right i'm sorry. It's just, sometime i feel like a burden to you guys. Imagine how simpler your lives would be without me."

"Imagine how boring and lifeless our lives would be without you, I know sometimes it's difficult and we care about you, we don't want you to feel neglected or any type of way, i'm here for you, Connor's here for you, Gaël's here for you. We love you more than anything and i want you to feel like you can come to us anytime even just come to me."

"I'm just scared that in a day everything just vanishes away, i'll lose everything, i'll be by myself, no you, no Haylee, no Gaël, no Connor, no Billie."

"Listen, Billie is here to stay, i see it by the way she looks at you, and you have known us for what ? 10 years now. We're never gonna leave you."

This was enough to launch myself in her arms in a tight hug. I felt safe as always in her arms, but not as safe as i was in Billie's. I know it sounds ridiculous because we just met a few weeks ago but i love spending time with her.

"I made you some pasta if you want to eat, i won't force you but i will help you if you need anything." Kristal said kissing my temple.

With that we got up and went to the kitchen i for sure wasn't going to eat but the least i could do was spend time with Connor and Gaël.

———————

I received a message from Billie telling me that she had free time so she's coming to pick me up. I replied with a simple 'ok see yaaa'. I exaggerated the a's just not to seem rude or seem like a dry texter. I was excited for real but i didn't how she would read the text. This how my brain over complicates everything i do but it's alright, i learned to live with it.

I told Connor that i was going before entering my room to change because he was the only one in the living room. I also have plans Saturday with everyone. Everyone being ; Kristal, Gaël, Connor, Danny, Carol and Anaya (one of Kristal's friend).

Anyway, i threw on this outfit:

(An: her room kinda looks like that. Also feel free to imagine something else.)

I was sitting on my bed patiently waiting for Billie (the patience is nonexistent but anyway) while picking at my cuticles thinking how i should apologize to Billie for falling apart in her arms while she had other things to do.

Just on cue i heard my phone buzz with a message saying that she was downstairs. I grabbed my phone and chapstick and headed downstairs waving at Kristal on the way down.

I saw Billie's car in the parking and headed it's way. I got in and i was met with Billie's beaming smile.

"Hi Billie" i smiled.

"Hello love. How are you today ?" She said starting the car and turning the steering wheel in a very attractive way.

"Good" i gave her a smile.

"That's good. By the way, i'm taking you to a small cafe then we're gonna go to Fin's house." She informed me.

"Alright" i said looking at the passing cars through the the window.

———————

"BILLIE I'M SURE A SNAKE CAN'T EAT A WHOLE ASS DOG IF IT'S TRAINED" i argued dumbly to Billie who started questioning my want for a snake. She said that if i forget to feed it's bound to eat her future dog.

We were now at the cafe that was about 20 minutes away from the appartement. I was drinking an iced green tea and she was drinking an iced coffee while we were snacking on some fries that were weirdly on the menu.

I heard Billie cursed under her breath and i looked her way to make sure everything is okay.
"Don't turn around unless you want your face on the everywhere on the internet" she said looking rather annoyed.

"What do you mean ? I'm not Akinator."

"They're a shit ton of paparazzis outside" she said.

I gulped nervously knowing i don't so well in crowded spaces. I brought my hood up and Billie gave me her sunglasses to cover my eyes.

"Look down" she said while we were getting up to leave to cafe. She left a rather generous tip and we were out the door.

There was screaming and flashing coming from everywhere as i looked down, i could see everyone's shoes, and let me tell you there were a lot. I didn't know if i could hold Billie's hand so i took her sleeve and held onto it for dear life. Everything was coming to me but i tried my best to stay calm and breathe.

After what felt like a mile walk to the car, we were in and she took quickly took off going onto the highway, i took off my hood.

"You okay, angel ?" She asked in a calming voice.

"Yeah, sorry"

"Stop saying sorry, i'm the one that should be sorry."

"Right, sorry. No, not sorry. Oh my god, sorry. Imma just stop talking. And you don't need to be sorry, it's not your fault." i said looking down in embarrassment. She chuckled besides me and shook her head as she turned on some music.