sad/love imagines :(:

my bond with my dad.

Ive spent my life running away from the past and questioning why i do it. Ive never once talked about my feelings NOT ONCE because when i do my mouth has no filter on it whatsoever.

i also tell myself you can 'either cry about it or deal with it' but anyway not the point.

i couldn't let it haunt me forever could i? It bothered me so much that even the slightest thing that reminded me of it annoyed me so much, i punched dry walls for a living. It was my way to cope with life itself.

My father, who was in the military was TOO STRICT to live with. As a daughter i hated him, but as a human with ACTUAL feelings I had no remorse for him. He was so narcissistic and he knew that because he took everyone else's own feelings for granted.

Theres lots of things I could say to everything and everyone but there was just my father for an particular reason eg . how he's made me feel and why i had no friends as a child.

He ALWAYS, ALWAYS told me to stick up for myself and now my father is 6,1 and built like a tank that nobody would want to get in the way of when he gets what he wants. Trust me take absolutely no chances at all, cause he will crush you and make you feel small asff.

One night i stood up to him!
"who do you think you're talking to!" he snapped.  As i should have been the bigger person and walked away i said "another human being"  Trust me i would do it again if i had to. He really needs to know that he should pick on someone his own size and not his own children more than 1ft shorter than him, but because he was my father he thought he could do anything he wanted with/ to us.

I felt like a total reject to him. I just wish he could see the way the makes me and everyone else feel, JUST THE ONCE. He honestly needs alot of therapy and i mean ALOT OF IT.  Im just done altogether he makes me wanna just DIE and i sort of wish i had already done it. He thinks that i think that he still cares.

HE DOESNT THINK THAT IM THAT FUCKING DUMB DOES HE?!