Sugar

I love you, I love you not.

A very short update while we are waiting to have internet connected at the house. This was sort of a quick filler chapter. I have the next part mostly written. I just wanted to give you guys something to read. <3

Leave me some love.

Two days had passed. I can't tell you how sore I still was. It was both incredible and terrifying at the same time. How is it that a man can fuck you so hard and so brutally that you can literally hurt for days? I would smile every morning that I rolled out of bed. That delicious hurt that I felt reminded me of him. I was growing to love it. I would actually get sad thinking about once the pain faded that he would literally be nothing but a memory.

Andy fucked me senseless for hours. I don't think we feel asleep till around 5 or 6 in the morning. Then that sexy bastard wakes me up at 9:30 and fucks me again. I hadn't intended to spend the night. I knew that Kara would worry about me. But I was so beat tired that I couldn't have drug myself to my room that morning. I still don't know how I managed to make it to my room later that morning. After we had morning sexy he announced that he had to pack up because he was actually checking out that morning. I was a little sad because it meant it wasn't going to happen again but heck, I'd already gotten more than I bargained for; I was happy.

Then I had to explain where I'd been to Kara. That was fun. We wanted details I just couldn't give her. She didn't want the nitty gritty sexy details. She wanted to know about Andy. I didn't know much about the guy. I didn't ask anything really. I didn't have a last name, age, home state, cell phone number, or anything. I don't know what she wanted from me really. It was a one night stand. It didn't mean anything.

Weeks passed and normalcy returned. Our vacation was amazing. We did everything we set out to do and then some. Kara hooked up with several other guys on our vacation while my one encounter was enough to satisfy me. Hell, I didn't even call up my ex when I got home for a booty call. I was pretty proud of myself for that.

However as the normal routine became mundane so did my feelings of loneness and inadequacy. I eventually made that phone call. He agreed to come out with me on Friday. We both knew what that meant. A night at the pub getting drunk, he'd pour his feelings out, I'd feel a combination of guilty and horny and I'd take him back to my place and we'd have sex. The next morning I'd feel even more guilty and full of shame for actually going through it then I'd spend the next several weeks telling him that there was nothing between us and that our relationship wasn't on the mend.

I either needed to end this relationship or commit. This was unhealthy for both of us.

~

"You look beautiful." Rider kissed my cheek. I gave him a weak smile.

"Thanks." I turned back to Kara who had this ultimately disappointed look on her face. She knew what was about to happen. "Don't wait up." I smiled at her. She waved me off.

About three beers in is when things started to get uber routine.

"Mia I just want to end all this back and forth with us. I love you and I know you love me too."

I don't.

"You just have to admit it to yourself."

Ha, that will be the day.

"We've been through so much and we just have to make this work. I know we can."

We could except I don't love you.

"I need you in my life Mia. I can't go on another day feeling this way about you."

"Then maybe you shouldn't." Oops... I said that one out loud.

"What do you mean?" Crap. Now I've started in on the conversation. I am too drunk to not say what I mean here.

"Rider, you're a nice guy. And that 'whole nice guys finish last' thing, it's real. You're a push over. Every time I call you, you pick up that phone and you're willing to agree with everything I say. It's kind of really bad." I am too drunk. I should stop talking but I won't. "I don't love you Rider. I get lonely or I feel sad and I know you'll be there for me. We have sort of a friends with benefits arrangement except I am the only one who feels that way."

"Wow..." He looked hurt. "Is that how you really feel?"

"I wouldn't have said it if it hadn't been the truth." I am really too drunk for this.

"Well then I guess I will have to stop answering that phone and stop being your doormat."

I sort of deserved that. I didn't bother to rebut.

"You're a real piece of work Mia. I've been in love with you for years and you knew that. You've been using me to get what you wanted. I've done nothing but fill that void for you." He yelled at me.

"I am sorry." I said looking down at my hands. I legitimately felt guilty.

"You are sorry." He shook his head and stood up from the bar. "Have fun getting home." He scoffed. He threw money down on the bar and left.

I wasn't worried about getting home. The bartender was a good friend of mine and she took me home once her shift was over.

I never set out to hurt Rider but it was best to end it. I didn't regret telling him the truth because when it came down to it, he would be stronger knowing the truth. He wouldn't allow anyone else to do to him what I had. I would always be the bitch that broke his heart but he wouldn't let it happen again.

Although I had assumed that Rider was really done with me, he really wasn't. He called me three days later crying and apologizing for leaving me there. He said he was mad at me and he knew I was kinda drunk and probably didn't mean the things that I had said. In the most polite way possible I tried telling him that I did in fact mean the things that I'd said but he wouldn't listen. He insisted on going out again the following weekend. For some reason I agreed.

Rider had tickets for a concert. A few local bands were playing and a main band that I'd never heard of called Black Veil Brides. Knowing Rider and his kind of music I probably wouldn't be interested in a lot of them but who knows. I was going to try to atleast enjoy myself and keep Rider from pining over me the entire day.

Fortunately I had conned Kara and her recent beau to come with. Rider thought 'double date' I reiterated that this was just friendly. I had a feeling that things were going to go south. Rider just wasn't listening to me. A drunk person's words are a sober minds thoughts.

We arrived at the venue and it happened to be an outdoor venue, which was awesome. The last thing I wanted to do was be stuck in a small ass crowded room with 600 other sweaty, unhygienic people rubbing up against me. No thank you.

We'd gotten there early and both Rider and Kara insisted we had to be in the front row. I didn't like this idea too much. I couldn't escape if I wanted to. Well not very easily. Kara and Rider had similar taste in music so I knew they were hardcore dying to see this concert. I was just along for the ride.

The first couple bands took the stage and it was okay. The first one was kind of techno-like and I didn't mind it so much. The second band had a very alternative style and again I wasn't bothered by the music. I actually kind if liked it. The third however was way different. It was like someone thought it would be a great idea to combine metalcore and rap. Out of the entire set I think I only enjoyed one song. I also didn't enjoy the rage and mosh pits that opened up from the crowd while this band was playing. It was terrible.

We waited for what seemed forever for the ever popular headliners to take the stage. The crowd erupted chanting 'Black Veil Brides' over and over again. When the band finally took the stage I was given the biggest surprise of my life.

This has to be a dream.