When I came out at 17 I thought love would be easier . But the truth is, love hurts no matter who you love . It's like being addict to something you can never have, something you can never fully experience, something you can never touch or see or hear . Love is unstable, fragile, like a butterfly . But love is here, you can feel it, this light shiver that rises everytime you seem them, this light that seems to shine everytime they enter the room, this race that your heart seems well decided to win . Love is a drug and it's probably the most dangerous one . Unfortunately for me, love got me like it got so many others before me . Her name's Ayla and she's driving me crazy like no one ever did . But my love for her is a one way love . She doesn't even like girls, and the thought of her knowing I have a huge crush on her makes me sick to my stomach, how would she even look at me knowing that this simple look could give me the silliest ounce of hope, would she still seat next to me knowing that her perfume could make me love her even more ? She could be mean, she could be pretentious, she could be judgemental, but no . None of that described Ayla . She's always been this nice and sociable girl everybody loves . Everybody loves her but she doesn't love anybody . Not in a love love way at least . Needless to say that half our class is in love with her . Needless to say that all the boys are waiting for her at the end of every class hoping to get even the smallest amount of attention . But they don't see Ayla as I see her . For them, she's only a pretty girl, prettier than most, but that's just it, she's just a girl everybody finds cute . No one takes time to get to know her better, no one takes time to understand how her minds work, how she acts among others versus how she is when she's alone . She's used to it, she's used to people calling her pretty she doesn't even pay attention to it anymore . But I know she's waiting for someone to say it for real, she's waiting for the one that won't see how she looks before who she is . She built a shell around her heart and no one seems to have found a way to weaken this shell .
I know I shouldn't put so much time on analyse her but she's special and I love special people . She makes my days brighter and my nights sleepless . She makes me feel like there's light even in the dark . She made me realize who I was and that, just by saying 'hi' to me on the first day of junior year . But two years later I got to face it, today is the last day she will ever say 'hi' to me . And Leah knows that .
"Are you okay ?" she asks me noticing my loud silence .
"I'm fine" I'm not .
"I'm your best friend, you know you can tell me everything . Is it because of her ?" she whispers putting her arm around my shoulder like she always does when she wants to reassure me .
"How am I suppose to accept that I won't see her again when we spent two years in the same class ?" I ask myself more than Leah .
"Maybe you will see her, I mean, that's what social medias are for"
"Social medias are not real life, seeing pictures of her being someone she's not doesn't feel the same" I answer trying to hold back those bold tears that never listen to me when I tell them to stay where they are .
"Look, it's going to be hard, but I know you'll get over her, you just need to take your time, focus on something else"
"You're right but I don't how I'm gonna do this"
"I'm here, you can talk to me, you can call me, you can write to me, you know I'll always be here" she says giving me a small smile .
After fifteen years of knowing each other, Leah became like my sister, she know everything about me and I know everything about her . I can't remember a single event we went to one without the other . She was the first to know I liked girls, she was the first to support me and I know she'll never let me down . Even when she got with her boyfriend she didn't abandon me and kept spending time with me . If we were convinced of one thing, it's that we separated at birth . But fate found its way and put us on each others path this Monday morning of kindergarden .
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Just an hour was left before the final bell rang . Just an hour before having to say goodbye to everyone, to her... But I was prepared, I've been working on this for a while now, and she was just a girl right ? Plus, what could possibly happen just now ?
"Aimee ? Why is she coming towards us like her life depends on it ?" Leah asked as she saw Ayla crossing the hall apparently determined to talk to us .
"I don't know..." There it was, the shiver, invading my body like a fly of free birds . My heart was pounding so hard against my skin . She was only a meter away when she finally spoke those words...
" Aimee, can I talk to you for a second ? I heard something from someone but I would rather hear it from you" she said that with her usual kindness as if she paid attention that every word crossing her mouth was as soft as a feather .
"Umm ye-yes you can... you can talk to me..." I stuttered unable to look away from her eyes . I felt like she was scanning me from head to toe trying to detect any sign of weakness .
"I think we should go somewhere quiter, with... less people" she reached out for my hand before guiding me to the closest empty room without letting me any time to give Leah a distress look .
She closed the door behind us putting her bag on the table before turning back to me her glare leaving me frozen . She waited for a few seconds that seemed like eternity to me before breaking this heavy silence with the question I feared the most .
"Do you have a crush on me ?"
My soul seemed to have left my body . My heart which was beating harder than ever a few seconds ago appeared to have ceased any activity . My entire self was out of control, petrified, lost . I didn't have the time to process that the sound of her voice arrived to my ears once again .
"That's okay if you do, I just want to make sure it's not some rumor, I hate rumors"
Somewhere deep in me, I don't know where but somewhere, I found a little strengh to answer just a simple word...
"Yes..."
"Okay, well I'm really flattered and honestly maybe am I missing something here but you know..."
"Ye-yeah of course, I-I never thought I had a chance anyway" I stuttered hating myself for losing any kind of self-confidence when I desperately needed some .
"Don't be too hard on yourself, you're truly a good person and I hope you find someone worth of you" she took my hands in hers filling my body with a warm feeling of softness .
"Thank you..." my voice was like a whisper, I couldn't think of anything clever to say, she was too breathtaking...
"Come here..." she hugged me like no one ever did before, my heart was pounding against her skin I was afraid she could feel it . It was a soft and warm hug, like a timeless moment in the middle of this chaotic place highschool was "And who knows, maybe we'll meet each other again sometime"
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RomanceWhen a drunk Aimee ends up in the car of her former crush Ayla, all the feelings she tried so hard to erase seemed to come back to life stronger than ever . But she knows these feelings are dangerous . She had no chance three years ago, why would sh...
