Pretty Boy

Quiet My Fears With The Touch Of Your Hand

                        Part 4: It Would've
                 Been Fun If You Would've
                           Been The One

Hogan:

Lining with a sensation of heavy feelings, I begin to settle myself once more as our feet collides with the steps of a building. 

Serge is beside me, holding my hand as we walk into our first class. People don't necessarily give us side eyes when we get to class holding hands since they only think of us as friends. Some people have asked us if we are a couple, which we have always denied, but this time is different. My heart pounds from nervousness and I can feel my veins pop as eyes lock on both of us. I haven't felt this anxious before going to school. Honestly, I was super confident back then and sometimes even flaunted our hands together. However, every single thought that is going through my mind right now is complete panic, and my mind is freaking out about what other people may think of us.

"What's wrong?" Serge asks, as I pull my hand away from his grip.

My chest falls in and out from panic as I try to wrap my mind around reality. Honestly, what is up to me today?

"Uh....it's nothing." I lied.

Serge gives me a furrowed brow and takes both my hands in his to look at me. "Are you freaking out?" He whispers, enough for me to hear.

My eyes widen from his notice as I push his hand away from me again and step a few inches away from him. "What. No. Definitely not."

My face falls to my hand with how defensive I said those words and I couldn't help but be disappointed in how I am acting today.

Serge sighs from next to me, and my eyes seek his features as a smile tugs at his lips, though it seems fake. His eyes are shining with their usual spark, yet a deep, shallow part of them creeps with sad hope. My heart begins to drop more from seeing his state as he steps closer to me again and places a hand on my shoulder. A gesture that makes me feel hopeless, like he just pierced me with a sharp knife.

"I'll just leave you to it, okay? I'll meet you at lunch." He says.

Serge then makes an unsure move of leaning closer to me for a kiss. However, he pulls back quickly as he realizes that we're in public.

I only wave him goodbye as he walks away down the hall and I continue to compose myself as I go to my first class.

                ********************

My head was in full conflict for the rest of the morning, and my mind wouldn't let me focus on anything the teachers said at all. Serge didn't bother texting me at my classes, which left me feeling scarred. I shouldn't have acted like that this morning, yet I couldn't really control the nerves heaving through my body at the thought of everyone knowing. These past two weeks have been amazing and spending time with him helps clear my mind every day. We fuck, we kiss, and we cuddle all day long without feeling the need to reveal our own privacy. It was just us and I couldn't ask for anything else other than him. 

However, school also started to get into the question. My dad had been scolding me for days for not bothering to go to school, and my teachers had been reaching out to my parents asking what was going on with me. I'm feeling like a wreck from everything and I only have Serge to be my silver lining through all of it. I spend my days painting whenever Serge is at school, and I sometimes wait for him to come to my house when he feels like skipping class. I've also already used every page in the art book Serge bought me with only drawings of him. He's my inspiration, as I deemed him to be. an inspiration that I don't ever want to turn away from me and keep with every cell of my body.