- chapter eleven ;

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I lay awake starring up at the ceiling in my bed room. I lay thinking about everything that has happened in the last few hours. I begin to think about what I'm going to do, things are definitely going to change, and there was no stopping it. I try to let my mind rest and roll over to my side, propping my head up with my hand and letting my eyes travel down the beautiful sculpted body next to mine,  I trail my eyes over his exposed body next to mine, lightly traveling my fingertips over his well defined chest. Memories of what happened just hours before rushed through my mind.

Flashback.

I stand there in shock before finally moving my lips with his. His hands leave my face and wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I don't protest, instead I wrap my arms around his neck. After what seemed like forever, but in all likelihood was only a few minutes, we pull apart both in dire need for air. I let my breathing come back to normal and look up at him arms still around his neck. It dies down soon after and he look at me, with a look, I can't describe.

"Can I kiss you again?" He asks me, in a voice soft and gentle.

"Why ask this time? You didn't ask the last two times." I said, jokingly.

"I decided I better not test my boundaries, I rather ask then get slapped upside the head." I laugh at him, and laced my fingers through his.

"Jon." I breathe, looking him dead in the eyes.

"Yeah." He whispers.

"Yes." I said answering his previous question, leaning my head closer to his, capturing his lips with mine.

End of flashback.

I wake up the next morning, glancing at the clock to see it is just after seven. I roll over expecting Jon to be beside me but he isn't. I smiled at the thoughts of last night running my mind, then throw on some clothes and head downstairs, I'm sure Colby is up, even when he's out all night, he is up bright and early the next morning. I stop shortly before I get to the bottom when I hear two people talking, I recognize the voices to be of Colby and Jon. I was going to continue down when I heard them mentioning my name. I sit down so I was un-seen by either of them, and begin listening knowing it was wrong but the curiosity getting the better of me.

"What am I suppose to tell her Colby?"

"Jon from what your telling me, your the one who took initiative and kissed her, you even told her you had feelings for her."

"I know, I was just, God, I don't know, caught up in the moment if you will."

"No Jon, you don't sit and talk to people like you did, when you're caught up in the moment."

"Honestly, Colby, I never had any intentions on sleeping with her."

"Then why did you let it happen?"

"We were kissing, and before I knew it, we were up the stairs half undress."

"I figured that much, I picked your pants up by the couch."

"Seriously though, what am I gonna do?"

"I don't know what to tell ya Jon, how do you feel about it?"

"I laid in her bed this morning, and just watched her sleep, for almost two hours, Colby, I watched her sleep, I have never done that before, not even  with Renee."

"Do you love her?"

"She's one of my best friends, of course I love her."

"No I mean are you in love with her Jon."

"I don't know I was never in love before."

"What about Renee, you guys dated while."

"I never loved her, she was just safe, if you know what I mean."

"Let me ask you this, can you picture your life without her."

"No honestly I can't Colby."

"Then tell her this."

I stopped listening after that, I'm not ready for this, yeah, I have feeling for Jon but I never thought the feelings were returned. I have to stop this while there is still time. I stand up and walked into the room, both of the men stopping and looking at me. Before either can say anything I talk.

"I'm leaving Colby, consider this my two week notice."

"What? What are you talking about?" Colby asks, Jon staying quiet.

"I need to get out of here, live on my own for while, I don't want to be held back."

"No one is holding you back Tay, you don't have to leave."

"As long as I'm here Colby, I will always be held back."

"What? Why? Is it because of what happened between you and Jon?" He asks me, I look at Jon and I can see him waiting my answer.

"Part of it, but not all of it, look Colby, this won't change anything, I'm just moving out, I'll see you every time you'll be home."

"It won't be the same Tay, can't we just talk about this?" he pleads me, Jon still silent.

"No Colby, I already made my mind up, I'm moving out and going to stop touring with you guys."

"Fine." He said, with no other argument. I turned around and went back to my room, something stops me from being able to shut the door. I turned around to see a not so happy Jon standing in my doorway.

"You just broke his heart." He says, inviting himself in.

"It's not like I'm jumping state, hell I'm not even moving to a new town, probably just down the road."

"Still Tay, we have always been together, Colby isn't to keen on change, as you know."

"I know but I have to do this for me." I say, he sits down on my computer chair. I sit on the edge on my bed.

"What about us?" He asks, quietly, looking at me.

"There is no us Jon." I say, sounding colder than I meant to.

"After everything that happened and everything that was said, you're telling me that's it? That it mean anything to you." Here we go around 900 between us.

"No it mean everything to me." I whisper, lowing my head.

"Then why are you leaving Tay? I don't understand it."

"It's just something I need to do Jon, see what's it like on my own."

"And we can't be part of that?"

"I want to go out and get a job Jon, I want to have my own place, want a day to go by without thinking about you, and I can't. As long as I'm with you guys, that's all I'm going to think about." I shout at him, getting frustrated.

"Then why did you let me kiss you? For that matter, why did you sleep with me?" He asks, sitting down next to me.

"Because as much as I want out, I wanted you more."  I look at him, when I feel him take my hand in his, leaning his head towards mine.

"I want to kiss you Tay." He whispers, I can feel his breath on my face, and the stubble from his chin rubbing against my cheek. I look in his eyes for any emotion, and scared at what I see, love.

"I want you to kiss me Jon." I reply, connecting my lips with his, even after everything I said. Here I am, kissing him again, just because I want my own place doesn't mean I can deny the feelings I have for this man. So I don't.

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