Finding a way ~ True ACE

Finding a way

"I'm stuck...
I'm lost...
I hate this pain...
I don't know what to do anymore!
God you said...
You said you'll never leave nor forsake me!
You said you'll always embrace me...
You said if I serve you, I'll have life...
But I feel like I'm dying everyday...
God... please...
Help me find a way...
Please...
Help me find my way."

These are the words that come to mind when I think about my life
My testimony
My pain and persecution

These are the words that I have spoken into the atmosphere
Knowing the Father can hear me
But let's be real shall we?
I messed up one too many sunsets and sunrises
I projected my deepest pain and agony to the air and heavens
Like a lone wolf howling at the full moon

Why can't I catch a damn break
Just one
Damn
Break...

You see
I been abused
Misused
Tossed around like lion toying with it's prey

You all think you know me
You all think you can sit there and judge me!?
But you're all just as broken as me...
Or maybe...
I'm just a broken vase that simply cannot be puzzled back in one piece again...

I swear I warned and scorned
I told each and every ear
To please let me heal
Please let me focus on God
Let me just be in peace

But no no no
No
You all wanted to mess with my heart
Mess with my lungs
It's as if a viper was coiling me and strangling me

I can't breathe God!
I'm scared
I'm upset
I'm lonely
I feel lost
But yet, here you go
Reminding me of your word
Which by the way,
A lot of humans are taking out of context

But I know the real you
I just can't fathom coming back home
Cause look at me God!

You know you see me
You hear me
So look at me God!

Can you honestly say I'm beautiful?
Can you honestly say you created me fearfully and wonderfully
God... if many are called
And I'm one of the chosen few
Then why let your child go through this suffering?

Jesus... YOU died for me, you rose, you're in my life
But why do you seem so far?

It's like
It's like
I know the answers but I just want to touch the hem of your robe
Cause this journey is too painful

I say I don't care about where I go if my time comes
But deep down God
I do not want to be separated from you

I'm just... I'm just hurting

Help me find a way
Help me find a way

Find a way back home
A true home
A home of peace and love
A home where your presence is felt God

As much as this bottle
This weed
The sex keeps me right

God

I feel foul
Bad habits die hard
But I know you can change me

Yeah so what!

I allowed people or things to deter me

But what about your part!?

Yeah I love Weed
But you made it, right?

I mean...

God why you create this universe we live in
To let Lucifer stroll free

Didn't you send him down yet?

God I'm sorry....
I'm just so tired.

I know I'm loved and cared for
But I just need a break

Did I mess up my future?
Did I lose my soulmate God?

Or are we both lost and broken?

Where's home when everywhere I go
The foundation is quicksand
A slow burn into devastation

I know the answers
They're in your word
But I'm tired of reading

You know what God...

The truth is... I don't know if I can let go of these worldly habits
I don't know if I can forgive myself
Or even love myself
Hell... I don't even know if I'm alive anymore...

These tears that steam like a river merging with the lake
The lake merging with the ocean,
These tears became my source to quench my thirst
But it's not enough
This rage and fire burns hotter than the sun's surface

Jesus... God... I just want to be with you... in heaven

Please give me the strength
Give me the purpose needed and drive to pursue the calling you made for me....

Just please God... don't let me go
Don't let me lose my way
Help me
Help me find a way
Find a way

Help me find my way
Help me find MY way...

God, Psalms 23 is what I speak to thee
I know it's what you have for me
I just am scared of sacrificing what makes me feel good here
People, things, habits...
I'm scared of letting so much go
Cause I barely have what is needed to make me feel good God's
But I know... I know all I need is you
I'm just... so tired and scared...

God... I love you
I need you
I want you
Confession is good for the growth I need
Help me find a way

Make a way
Where there is no way
God...
Save and protect me
Save and protect my babies
Our lives and home
Our future
Our path

God... forgive me
I want to receive your forgiveness
I want to do better and be better

I just... I just can't do it alone...
Send me the right ones

Send me...
Send me your love
Your heart
Your mind
Put more of you in me

Cause God...
My flesh is trying to win
But I know... I just know
If I hang on to you

I'll find my way

Amen...