Money . Something I've had, and something we never have much of. Typical cliché story it seems like, trust me I know. I won't real get anything for Christmas yet again,only this time I know why, and I'm okay with it . Christmas was meant for the younger children. I'm 16. They need presents to keep their childhood flowing. I'm 16. I'm okay with not getting anything so they can. I just am.
I'm spending Christmas elsewhere. My parents decided I could since there would be no need to stay at home where there was nothing for me. I'm 16, the Christmas spirit I carried soon dwindled away. The older you get the more it becomes less about the spirit and more about scrambling to buy gifts and pretending. Pretend we had the money to buy this. Pretend we loved each other all year. Pretend that this gift giving wouldn't bite back later. I'm 16.
I know better but pretending is what I must do. I pretend to understand why I won't get anything. I pretend to be okay with it. I pretend to be joyful to spend Christmas I'm the same place I spent November . I pretend not to be affected as I help the children open their gifts and within in an hour I'm pretending to be sleep . I pretend to enjoy the noise, I pretend to enjoy the festivities. I'm good at pretending . I've mastered the skill at 16. I pretended to feel even though since November I forgot what it was like to- Never-mind. I pretend that November doesn't exist sometimes . It's December. I'm 16, and I've been pretending for 2 months now.
