Bitter Root

Chapter 4

"So, I think I should run over the lyrics with you and translate them because it's important that people know what they're saying when they sing in a foreign language," Dolores told Woosung.

"Yeah, that's pretty key," he replied with a grin.

"But, you know, this song is written from a woman's perspective. So, we'd have to make some changes for it to fit you," she said.

"I thought you would murder the person who made changes to your song!" Woosung cried.

"It depends on why they did it," she replied. "If they are doing it to censor me than, yeah, I'd be mad as hell." Switching tones quickly, Dolores launched back into the discussion of the lyrics.

"Okay, so, the first verse is basically a rap in the reggaetón style," she said. "Can you give me a beat?" she asked Woosung.

He began beatboxing and Dolores jumped in with the lyrics.

Como araña te escondes

Por la noche en mi cama.

Me picas y te huyes.

Oye, ya no soy tu dama.

Tus ojos me atrapan.

Me sacudes al morir.

Te ruego que me sueltes.

Ya no quiero más sufrir.

"Wow," Woosung said as he sat stunned by Dolores' ability to squeeze so many words into such a fast beat. "That was amazing! You really have a special talent," he said.

"Aw, shucks," she replied, pretending to be embarrassed as she hid her face behind her hand.

Taking another U-turn in mood, she looked at Woosung slyly. "So, are you ready for the translation? I wouldn't want to scare you with my bitterness," she teased.

"I think I can take it," Woosung countered. "Bring it!"

"Okay, so, it basically says you are like a spider that comes into my bed at night. You bite me and you flee. I'm not your girl anymore. Your eyes entrap me. You shake me to death. I'm begging you to let go of me. I don't want to suffer anymore."

"Yikes!" Woosung replied.

"Too bitter?" she asked.

"Not so much bitter as sad," he answered. "So, not to be cliché, but who hurt you?" he asked, his eyes becoming like deep wells of compassion.

"Well, it's one issue about who hurt me and another entirely about the fallout, which is worse than the wound itself," Dolores said enigmatically. "You've seen 'Encanto', right?" she asked.

"Yeah," Woosung replied slowly. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"Well, you know that song, 'We Don't Talk About Bruno'?"

"Yeah, I love that song!"

"Everybody loves that song. It's freakin' Lin Manuel Miranda! But anyway, I don't talk about Nacho," she said emphatically.

"Nacho?" Woosung scoffed. "Is that even a name?"

Dolores nodded. "Yeah, short for Ignacio. Did you learn nothing from 'Nacho Libre'?" she demanded, jokingly.

"That old Jack Black film?" Woosung asked.

"Yeah, remember? It was super racist," Dolores answered.

"Was it?"

"Uh, yeah, pretty much. I mean, Mexican Americans sort of thought it was funny, but Mexicans were pretty offended by it. It would be like if they made an Asian film with every Asian stereotype in it and all the characters speak in a thick accent," she explained.

"Oh, I get it," Woosung replied. "But I feel like we're going on a tangent here. Weren't we talking about Nacho?"

"Yeah, but see, that's the thing. We don't talk about Nacho," Dolores said with a wink.

"Why do you do that?" Woosung asked.

"What?"

"That thing where you turn everything into a joke, or you change the subject. Like, just now, you got on this whole tangent about the Jack Black movie and 'Encanto' just so we wouldn't talk about Nacho. Personally, I would love to talk about that bastard," Woosung said.

"How do you know he's a bastard? Maybe he's a really nice guy. Maybe I'm the one who hurt him," Dolores said.

"Well, now you have me more curious," Woosung declared. "Did you leave him?"

"We don't talk about Nacho," Dolores repeated.

"You just keep saying that, but it doesn't make sense. I mean, isn't the song about Nacho? Isn't he the lying, back-stabbing SOB who hurt you? Isn't that the point of the song?" he asked.

"No, the song's about Fernando. We can talk about Fernando. He was a 'lying, back-stabbing SOB' as you so eloquently put it," Dolores replied. "We can talk about Fernando all day."

"I'm so confused," Woosung admitted. "How can you talk about the guy who hurt you, but you can't talk about Nacho?"

"Listen, you wanted to be a psychologist, right? So, I'm sure you've heard that old saying in psychology that it's not so much what happens to you in life that messes you up, but more how you respond to it. So, I responded to getting hurt by building a wall. I hide behind my sarcasm and snark. I can talk about Fernando because he's an asshole. I can't talk about Nacho because I was the one who hurt him, and he didn't deserve it," Dolores replied, in the most revealing statement she had ever made about herself.

"What did you do?" Woosung asked.

"We don't talk about Nacho," Dolores whispered, holding back tears.

"We're not talking about Nacho. We're talking about you," Woosung clarified. "What did you do?"

"You're gonna hate me," she said.

"I doubt it," he replied, placing his hand on her shoulder.

Dolores looked around the room. It was the first time Woosung had ever seen her not be able to maintain eye contact. "I was 17," she began. "I had been dating Nacho for a few months. Then I ---." She stopped abruptly. "You don't want to hear this," she said, shaking her head.

"Actually, I really do," Woosung replied. "It sounds like a stone you've carried around your neck for long enough."

Dolores began to sob, which came as a surprise to Woosung. She was always so in control of her emotions, but here she was reduced to quiet sobs punctuated by short fits of the hiccups.

"Hey, hey," Woosung comforted, rubbing her back.

When Dolores stopped sobbing, she looked at Woosung and said, "I found out I was pregnant. Nacho wanted to marry me. We had it all planned out. We were going to get married and raise the baby. But I got scared. After everything with Fernando cheating on me, I was too afraid to trust Nacho, even though I loved him. So, I told Nacho I wouldn't marry him. I broke his heart, and I broke mine too. I cried so much. I think it was my broken heart that made me miscarry at 11 weeks. The baby knew she --- well, I think it was a she ---. Anyway, she knew she wasn't wanted. So, she just slipped away quietly," Dolores concluded.

Woosung had no words at first. So, he just held her to his chest tightly. "You were so young. I don't blame you," he finally said.

"But I blame me," she whispered. "And that's worse."