A Week With the Postal Dude {GENDER NEUTRAL}

Monday.

You wake up where you always do, you're bedroom in your fathers stupid apartment because you got yourself kicked out of Paradise, Arizona community college, and the coffee shop you work at doesn't pay well enough for you to pay your own rent. You thought you would turn out just fine, finishing college and moving away from this shitty fucking town where it seems like the only sane person is yourself.  

You finally decide to get up, you think to yourself

"Maybe I'll make myself a bowl of cereal before I start my day."

not knowing the consequences that would follow.

You put a jacket on and walked downstairs, your dad was just leaving for work. Fortunately, your shift at your shitty job didn't start till 4. 

"Hey kiddo!" Your dad said to you.

He was too happy. He made everything seem like it was going to be alright and nothing ever goes wrong.

"I fed Mr. Whiskers for you, I hope that was okay." He said.

"Dad, I've told you that's not his name, his name is Chief!" You yelled at him.

Everyone you knew said you were weird for naming your cat after Master Chief from Halo, but, you liked the name so you stuck with it.

After your dad left, you finally opened the fridge to pour your milk, but, the milk was expired. Unfortunately for you, you didn't have a car. But, you did have a bike. You went back up to your room to get dressed so you could go down to the Lucky Ganesh and get some goat milk, because the only Wal-Mart in the entire town of Paradise got burned to the ground by some crazed lunatic. And the only one is 35 miles away in Catharsis.

As you looked in your file cabinet drawer labeled "SHIRTS", you found a single shirt. It was a stupid Neon Genesis Evangelion shirt but it was the Garfield logo. You're friend Richie bought it for you before he moved to Sarasota, Florida to go to Ringling College of Art and Design.

You said goodbye to your cat, grabbed your wallet and keys and made your way out the door with your bike. 

"God I fucking hate Paradise." You said as you made your way to the grocery store.

As you pulled up, and went inside, you saw a man at the milk fridge. He looked like the guy who burned down the Wal-mart!

As you walked up, you tried to start conversation, he looked sane enough, despite y'know, burning down a Wal-mart.

"Hi! Are you the guy who burned down the Wal-mart, making this place even more of a shitty place to live?" You said.

He grabbed you. "Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. Whos askin'?"

You blushed as he let you go.

"Me...duh." You said as you turned away extremely embarrassed.

"Don't get embarrassed, hot stuff." He said.

You got even more flustered. 

"I have to go! Busy day! Lots of errands to run!" You lied. You had absoloutley no errands to run. 

"I'll acompany you." He said.

"Why amd I crushing on this random dude whos married, I see the ring, who totally burned down that Wal-mart." You asked yourself.

"SURE." You blurted out.

 What were you thinking, having a complete lunatic acompany you on the bullshit errands you had to run? That little voice in your head telling you this was a bad idea was starting to get annoying. He was extremely attractive, and it was almost like his looks had a hold on you.

"Can I pay for your milk?" He asked, he didn't know these gestures could be considered romantic.

"Sure." You said.

You just wanted to go home and play video games, you didn't want to go to the store, you didn't even really want to talk to this guy.

"So, what's your name?" You asked.

"Dude. No I'm not joking, that's my legal name. You?" He asked.

"Y/N." You answered. 

"Cute." He said.

"Hurry up and buy something!" Habib, the owner of the Lucky Ganesh said.

He put both of the milk cartons on the counter.

"That'll be 10 dollars!" Habib said.

He handed over the money. 

"Before we do anything, can we go back to my house so I can put this in the fridge? I don't want it to spoil." You asked.

"Sure." He replied.

As you got back to your dads apartment you told Dude to wait outside. You put the milk in the fridge and walked out.

"I have to work at four." You said, locking the front door.

"I just got fired from my job. My soon to be ex-wife yelled at me for it." He said.

"Soon to be ex-wife?" You asked while you guys walked down the stairs.

"Yeah, we have a divorce settlement appointment tomorrow. Can you believe that bitch already has a fucking new boyfriend?" He asked.

"Wow, what a bitch." You replied.

"Well, What do you have to do today?"  He asked.

"I lied, I have literally nothing to do besides go to work at 4." You replied.

"Well, there's this old abandoned science research lab over behind the RWS building." He offered. 

"Isn't that a super heavily guarded building?" You asked.

"Yeah but, where's the fun in not getting high and breaking in?" He replied.

"Who ever said anything abou- WAH!" Before you knew it, you we're getting grabbed by this 6'8 lunatic about to go break into an abandoned government facility.

He pulled you in like a dad showing his son his freshly mowed lawn, and pulled out a crack pipe.

"What are you doing!" You asked.

"This cant be good for me, but I feel great!" He said.

You sighed and walked up closer to the building with the Dude. He was starting to grow on you. Although, you didn't know if it was out of sheer boredom or pity.

He smelled like a trailer and dog, it was suprisingly comforting.

As you guys looked for something to do in the abandoned building, he pulled you in.

Maybe it was the weed, but you let him. 

"You aren't too bad looking, y'know?" He said as he kissed you.

You didn't know what to do. Your heart was racing but you just let it happen. 

After, much silence and embarrasment from yourself, you finally caught a portal out of the corner of your eye.

"What's that?" You said.

"Hm? Let's jump in it!"  He said.

"I REGRET NOTHINGGGGGGG!" He said, jumping in the portal. 

You followed. 

"I FUCKING HATE THIS TOWN!" You screamed.

You guys woke up in an alley, you we're laying on his chest. Quickly you got up


It was now Tuesday.



-TO BE CONTINUED-