charmolipi: a short story collection.

A drabble, again.

Interesting fact: This is a scene from a book I am currently working on but this part never made it to the final plot because I honestly lost motivation in it. Nevertheless, it was quite well done, I think. And I would definitely use it in another book or something. 

This is extremely short.

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It was terrible.

The anxiety was terrible.

I had no idea when the proposal would happen. I had no idea when I would reject him. I had no idea when I would have to say goodbye and see his face for the last time.

But sometimes I think; which of us have it worse? I, with the uncertainty of the last time? the last moment? the last second? Or him, knowing when this would end? Dreading the very moment an answer falls from my lips? Knowing that no matter what he does, I'll say no because my god, I cannot handle it.

I cannot handle the chaos.

I cannot handle the pain and the screaming and the eyes staring at me, following my movements like a predator eyeing its prey.

I cannot handle the suffocation and the hands that crawled at my neck.

But when I look at him and I see his eyes, I rethink my decision. When I see the look in his face, pleading me to stay or to take him with me, I tremble. When I see his lips quiver with fear, there is nothing more I crave more in this world to kiss that fear away and devour the monsters that has held him captive inside.

But I too, fear that I might become that monster.