Part of Me

It all started 7th grade

Little did I know what would happen. Little did I know I would even think about suicide. Little did I know that suicide and depression existed! I thought I was just a kid. I am more than that. All that started this sadness was a fight. I'd been in fights before, but none this intense. Being called names like, Stupid, Dumb, B****, unpopular, and being told that I was incapable of doing things that even a first grader could do. By my own friend. And did I fight back? No. I defended myself. I never had used so much strength. I put up all of my defenses and she wrecked them all. Got past the barrier. It all came to me now. I didn't know what to do even though there were tons of options. After all, this was over text. I could've blocked her on all social media so that she was unable to talk to me. Maybe if I had done that, none of this would have happened. But would that have been good or bad?
Usually I wish it had never happened to me. But once in a while I stop and think. Maybe this was God's plan. Sure, people broke me down, but it gave me a chance to rebuild myself correctly. So sometimes I'm glad it happened! I'm not saying it was easy to get over and that its totally gone now, but it was worth it and usually still is. But, no, it was never the slightest bit easy. You see, when you're facing depression, there seems to be no end. You're thoughts come back every night, and there seems to be nothing you can do. They told me that what my friend said about me was true, and that I was fat, unloved, and invisible. And luckily, I had no rope or gun. But, during that time, I was unlucky. So I cried every night. Once in a while scratched my arms with a toothpick rather than a blade (which was pretty smart I think).  I didn't think that God was helping me and once in a while I thought that his plan was for me to die early. Luckily I had Instagram to rant. My followers were so trustworthy and were there when nobody else was. I could DM them for help, and they'd be there. Then He came along and turned my world upsidedown. He made me joyful and sad at the same time. I was experiencing true love and little did I know how much it would affect me.