Burned

NINE

I'M MY OWN WORST COCK BLOCK. Things could have escalated that night, had I not chickened out.

It's been a few weeks since then, Nolan and I still text and occasionally go out to the diner for dinner, sometimes even for breakfast. Right now, we have a strong foundation of a friendship, which is refreshing. It's also refreshing that he has been so patient and kind through these weeks as he gets to know me. I was afraid he would get upset, bored, or leave because of the pace we're going at.

But he's still here. Still sends me flowers every friday.

He says he does this to spoil me but part of me thinks it's an excuse to visit me or take me home. He tends to buy the largest bouquets and that makes it difficult to walk home with.

I'm not complaining.

I am, however, complaining about the fact that-whatever we are- is at a confusing pause. He has backed off a lot, the texting hasn't been as frequent, nor has the innocent flirting. Sure, the flowers and dinners are spectacular, but my overthinking brain feels like, I don't know, confused? He's no longer stealing touches, he hasn't touched my hand, the messages are short when he does respond.

I'm getting mixed feelings, but in his defense, I blame myself.

My insecurities are getting in the way, along with the concern of Burke finding me. The stress from the unknown message has been constantly playing in my mind. I'm in a safe town but I don't feel safe, knowing he's trying to find me. I haven't slept well in- I don't even know how long- every noise outside has me jumping and peeping out the window.

I should probably talk to someone, the stress isn't healthy but at the same time my mental health is at stake, along with my safety. I think Nolan has picked up on my lack of sleep, but I also think he's waiting for me to make the move, since I'm the one setting the pace.

My phone vibrates on my desk, luckily today is friday. We've been slow today, thankfully, my lack of energy is taking a toll. Angie offered to get me a coffee but I had four cups at home this morning, I knew that was my limit. Through my exhaustion, my body excitedly reacts when I see a message from Nolan.

From: Nolan Benson

Did you get the flowers?

I smile at the beautiful sunflowers that sit on my desk.

To: Nolan Benson

I did, they're beautiful. You have me looking forward to Fridays even more.

Instantly I get a text back from him.

From: Nolan Benson

Good.

My heart drops with a little disappointment with the short message. I'm sure he's busy, but I miss the entertaining conversations we usually had. I place my phone back on my desk as I look around the room, keeping myself busy. I walk around and start dusting the place.

"I can't remember the last time we dusted this place." Angie jokes as she carries a puppy out towards me. I can't help but play with the puppy as we wait for the owner to come back. "You alright Emmie?" Angie's concerned brown orbs are on me as she asks.

"Yeah, just really tired." I force a smile as I pet the puppy.

"You know, you can talk to me. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like to start somewhere fresh, you have people who care. Whenever you're comfortable I'm here." She puts a hand on my shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze. I let her words soak in as the puppy's owner walks in to collect. After charging her and returning her animal she was quick to leave.