Half The World Away

All In This Together

He'd hung up. He hadn't intended to, but his instincts had taken over. Nausea hits him in uncontrollable waves, and he finds himself staggering up the stairs to his room. He ignores the blood in the bathroom and the shower curtain abandoned on the floor as he kneels beside the toilet and throws his dinner up into the bowl. It hurts his chest, but he doesn't care. He flushes the toilet and leans against the wall, wiping his mouth with toilet roll, the nausea passing. So, he was having a baby. It wasn't that Eddie didn't like children, it was that they carried a lot of germs and got sick easily.

This may have been the worst mistake Edward James Kaspbrak had ever made. Marrying Myra being a close second. He and Myra had met 13 years ago at a work party. Back then, she'd been employed at the neighbouring branch to the firm Eddie worked at and he guessed he'd been drawn to her because she was a blonde version of his mother. They'd gotten together the next day. Six months after their first and only date, Sonia Kaspbrak had passed away. That is what had prompted Eddie to propose. He'd been guiltily glad his mom had passed, but he felt as though he couldn't live without her odd sense of comfort, it was the only love he'd ever known, after all. Myra resembled Sonia, and so Eddie put a ring on it. He could also use her as an excuse if someone commented on him checking a guy out, or if colleagues made him the punchline of a gay joke. It was cruel, and he knew that, and that's why he felt guilty about it. Myra didn't deserve to be lied to, especially after 12 years of marriage.

Sleep didn't seem like an option, so that's how Eddie finds himself deep cleaning his hotel bathroom for four hours. It's one in the morning by the time he finishes cleaning. He sighs, wiping his forehead free of sweat, and then decides to take a quick shower the ends up not being quick at all. He sits at the bottom of the tub, legs stretched out in front of him, back leaning against the cold side of the tub. He doesn't cry, but his chest aches in a different way. A way filled with dread. His throat starts to close up and his body feels like it's on fire and suddenly, he's gasping for breath. This is what he knows as an asthma attack (but it is actually a panic attack) and his inhaler lies burnt up under Derry. 'You're not dying, you just can't breathe. Try and breathe!' He tells himself, willing his breathing to return to normal. He squeezes his eyes closed tightly, bringing his knees to his chest, and hugging them tightly, letting out a strained sob as he tries to breathe. He's shaking quite violently now, and he tries to catch his breath once more, failing instantly when he starts to hyperventilate. Eventually, it passes, and that's when Eddie decides to get out of the shower. He ties a towel around his waist and walks into the main part of the room, trembling slightly. He pulls on a red polo shirt and a pair of grey jeans and then sits on the bed to put on some socks. He looks toward the window, curtains wide open, to see the sun rising, signalling it's about 6am. Eddie sighs and stands up once his socks are on, and he walks back into the bathroom to return his towel. He then takes his medication and brushes his teeth, hair wavy without the gel he usually puts in it. He can't be bothered to style it right now, so he leaves it natural and heads back into the main part of his room to put on his trainers.

Usually, if it's a weekend or one of his days off from work, Eddie would go for an early morning jog (despite Myra nagging at him that it'll affect his asthma, Eddie liked exercise. He valued it to stay fit and healthy), but today he decides against it, scared he'll have a repeat of what just happened in the shower. He even skips his morning stretches.

Instead, he just throws on a black jumper, grabs his keys and wallet, and heads out. On his way down to the lobby, he scribbles out a note for the others, explaining that he's gone to clear his head. He doesn't even glance at his car as he leaves the Townhouse, deciding to walk to his destination so he at least got in some form of exercise for the day. That destination being the church, a place Eddie hadn't visited in a while. He wasn't attending a service or anything, he was just visiting the graveyard, something he hadn't done since he was 18. The last time he'd visited was the day he'd left Derry to go to college in New York. There had once been a time where Edward Kaspbrak had been religious. But he'd been a child and all of that stopped the moment he turned 12. Sonia Kaspbrak had been a very religious woman, whereas Frank Kaspbrak hadn't been. Eddie was pretty sure his dad had been a hippie back when he was a teenager, based on the stories Maggie Tozier had told him throughout his own teen years. Maggie and Frank had been close childhood best friends, and one of the reasons Eddie had enjoyed staying over at the Tozier's was because Maggie would tell him stories of his dad. Unlike his own mother, who only brought Frank up to guilt trip her son. The reason for Eddie losing his religious views wasn't because of his dad not having them, it was for other reasons. Age 12 was when Eddie had started having weird feelings for Richie, and he'd felt conflicted. The kids at Sunday School always spoke about Richie in a negative way, calling him numerous slurs behind his back. Some of those words had been directed at Eddie too, when they thought he couldn't hear. But he could hear them, and it hurt and upset him. It made him angry at himself for whatever feelings he was having for Richie, and it made him feel as though he wasn't worthy in the eyes of God and that he didn't belong in that church. So, he stopped attending Sunday school, telling his mother he just didn't feel like going anymore. He still attended services with her until he turned 15 and managed to escape going to those too.