TWO WALLS - the summer i turned pretty (conrad fisher)

four

04. chapter four.
—you don't get it

I WASN'T PLANNED. My whole existence wasn't planned, funny I know. But the last thing on my mothers mind was having a kid, let alone with my dad, Rubén, especially not with my dad. It was just a one time thing. Unfortunately for my mom, it slowly became her worst nightmare, sharing a child with someone she didn't particularly like. It was doomed to end horribly.

Despite my moms hateful feelings towards him, my dad did his best. He was there, for every ultrasound, for every doctor's appointment, my dad showed up.

After everything my dad did to prove to her that he was going to be present, that he was going to give me everything he could, and more, my mom didn't seem to care. Because she didn't see it that way. To her, he was just correcting his mistake, because apparently my dad wasn't capable of caring.

She would tell me that. I was a one year old, hearing my mom talk literal shit about Dad. Funny thing is, wouldn't that say something about her too? She was willing to sleep with him, so what does that say about her?

I didn't believe her when she said that he wasn't capable of caring, because not only was my dad very capable of caring, he was also very capable of loving. After my dad found out about me, when he found out that he was going to be a dad. He changed. He wasn't drinking his doce de modelo every night anymore. Instead, he showed up, he tried. He just wanted to prove himself to my mom.

He failed in her eyes, but he succeeded in mine.

Even when my mom found herself a husband that was "capable of having kids", my dad was there to pick me up for his weekend. Because to him, it didn't matter if she was going to be part of us, the only thing that mattered to him was that I was there.

We'd meet up at a Walmart parking lot, I'd jump into his arms, he'd take my my little pony backpack to his beat up pickup truck, then we would go inside of Walmart and buy me one thing, it could be anything I wanted. I never bought anything really expensive though. I don't think he'd be able to afford it, but I knew, even back then, that my dad would buy it anyway. He would spend his last cent to see a smile on my face.

I told him once, when I was six, that I didn't need him buying me stuff to know that he loved me, because I knew. I knew with all my heart that he loved me. But it continued, the Walmart parking lot, the reuniting, the bag, the beat up pickup truck, and the gifts. And I never complained because I loved it, and I loved him.

My moms house was different. After months, Alva got pregnant with the "capable" man, Eduardo, and they had my favorite golden boy, Jo.

I never held hate for Joshua because it wasn't his fault. He was just a kid. I was just a kid. Josh had simply always been my little brother, even when he didn't follow me to my dads, even when he would cry every time he saw that damn Walmart sign, because he knew.

As I grew older, it became harder to look Josh in the eye. Seeing him, seeing what it was truly like to have the perfect family. No split holidays. One roof, one family. His family.

I felt out of place at my mom's. Like if I did something wrong that I would ruin the perfectness. So, I did my best in school, I maintained my scholarship at my private school, I got home at a reasonable hour, I did every chore my mom had set for me, and I followed Eduardo's stupid house rules.

Leave your shoes at the door, don't eat in the living room, make sure you clean the dishes you use, and lastly, don't use your phone at the dinner table.

Alva wasn't really big on the money thing either, even with two incomes coming in. My mom was a teacher, a Spanish teacher, so was Eduardo. They met while my mom was student teaching. He was just barely becoming a teacher himself, and my mom was helping out his class. Not even going to lie, they were a book-worthy romance.