"Can I tell you something?" Conrad asked.
I only nodded.
"You're the strongest person I know."
To this day, I still think he lied to me. I should be the least strongest person he knows. How did he consider me strong when I could list dozens of peop...
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I COULDN'T HELP BUT groan, covering my ears as the pounding on the door continued. My eyes weren't even open, yet the sun blinded my eyes. I wasn't in the right mindset yesterday. I had completely forgotten to close the curtains before I had fallen asleep. My fingers rushed to my temples as the pounding moved towards my head, memories making their way back to me in flashes. I hesitantly made it up from bed as the door opened even before I could utter a come in to whoever was outside the door.
"It's me sweetheart," Susannah said, in her cheery tone. She opened the door, poking her head into my bedroom. "Go on and get yourself even prettier than you are now. I want to paint your picture today." She had her regular smile plastered on her lips. It was a normal thing, her smile, but I couldn't help but feel like there was something wrong.
I nodded. She sent me an air kiss and closed the door behind her.
I sat there for a while, not sure of how I would feel if I saw him right now. It was early, seven in the morning to be exact. I doubted he was awake, so I made it out of bed and into the bathroom.
It didn't take me that long to get ready. Susannah had mentioned she wanted me to wear the dress I had bought for myself the day we went shopping. I had bought myself one and she had bought the other that I was going to wear for the deb ball. Of course after a long argument where she had wanted to buy both of them, she and I agreed that she could buy the most expensive one and I'd buy the other.
I sighed again, completely speechless that it hasn't been that long since the shopping day, yet so much had changed, in not so good ways. I wasn't sure where me and Conrad stood, and it was all my fault. All because I couldn't use my damn words, not forgetting the fact that I know a lot of those.
I couldn't look him in the eye which meant that I didn't see the expression on his face, but I'm sure it would've hurt if it was a good or bad one. I don't think I am in a good enough place to where I could fully open myself up romantically without having another panic attack. The thought alone makes my heartbeat speed and my blood rush. Being friends and being open with one another seems much easier. I want something easy right now. I needed to stay in contact with my dad, and I needed to try to enjoy the summer before things went along and changed some more. I was going off to college in New York City, away from everyone and everything. I need this summer to be one with less drama since I've had a lot of that recently. This is what I needed.
So, why was it that my heart was fighting with my head? They were arguing with each other and I seemed to be on the sidelines watching them go head to head.
I groaned again. I needed to figure out what I wanted before I went around fucking everything up.
Susannah had me holding a bouquet of lavenders, practically the same ones I had for my quince, while looking to the left. She was sitting down, dabbing her paint brush onto the canvas in a concentrated haze. She didn't really seem to be there. It was like her head was up in the clouds.
