July 2022: She's pregnant. My ex boyfriend, left me after I miscarried. He accused me of cheating on him and he told me that he was not ready to be a father. And now his new girlfriend is pregnant, and he is excited about it. To be honest, I saw it coming from a hundred miles away. Because I knew that he was a pig.
My birthday was in May. A week after I turned 25, he admitted to me that he poked holes in our condoms. (Just another thing to add onto the tragedy that is my life. 🤦) His gaslighting was exactly that: gaslighting. He knew I never cheated on him. According to him, he was afraid that I would leave him, and he thought a baby would make me stay with him. He was not counting on me miscarrying. He sat and waited, eager for me to hit him up to tell him that I was pregnant. But I didn't know I was pregnant until I miscarried. And this upset him. And then he left.
I expected him to come crawling back the way Zane did when Allie cheated on him. And he did, very briefly, during my recovery. His girlfriend cheated with one of her exes. We ranted about her all night, and we slept in bed together in a hotel room. He offered sex the next morning but I was way too hungover. I was sure that me and him would get back together. That is until he decided to go back to her, and they did what me and him did. They got a hotel room and slept in bed together. The only difference? They went to a lock bridge, where she wrote their names on a lock and clipped the lock onto the bridge, a symbol for their "everlasting love." (HA!)
And now she is pregnant. Honestly, it is a smack in the face. But like previously stated, I saw it coming. I was preparing for it. At this point, while I do not like my ex and his girlfriend, I no longer hate them. Actually, I kind of feel bad for her, despite her accusing me of lying every time that I showed her proof of him cheating. I will not tell her about how he poked holes in our condoms. Why bother?
I attempted to report him to the police, but statute of limitations passed. There was no proof, only his word. So all I can now do is wish them the best and go on with my life. He is a father to be, and will be dealing with the stress of fatherhood and child support. He will also be thinking of me and the hell he put me through, only to try crawling back again and again.
I, on the other hand, have moved back to my home state and registered for classes at the community college. I miss Georgia and would love to go back one day. Maybe I will meet up with Zane and we can catch up on some things. Maybe. The whole situation is bittersweet. While I didn't end up back with my ex, I have been clean for over a year now. I have grown to HATE the taste of alcohol. I no longer work as a stripper, and my body is relatively back to normal.
The future looks bright for me, despite the constant fuckery that I still go through. But now I know to be more careful, and to not get drunk on street corners and wait for something to happen.
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