Sinner [Suoh Mikoto]

➳ Pride

❝A tear came to her eyes
and to my lips a sentence of apology;
Pride spoke and wiped away her tears,
and the words died on my lips❞ 

          “Aren't you going to say anything?” I demanded, while Mikoto took off his jacket. I had waited until we were alone so we could talk calmly, but he didn't seem to be in the mood.

          “I'm tired, woman. I want to sleep.”

           I couldn't believe it. Now it turns out that I was bothering Mr. I-do-whatever-I-want?

          “I don't care, Mikoto! You could have died! If it weren't for Munakata... Do you really expect me to pretend nothing happened?”

          “Well, I'm here. Aren't I?” he replied, ending the discussion.

          “That’s not what I mean!” Was it that hard to understand? I felt like I was arguing with a small child who didn't even bother to listen to me. “Dead, Mikoto, you could be dead! How can you be so calm?”

          Mikoto rolled his eyes, making my anger grow. I loved that man. I really did. I loved him with all my heart. But at that moment, he was driving me out of my mind. He might not care, but I did. The hour it had taken us to find out he was safe had been the worst of my life. We all thought we were never going to see him again, and even more so when we saw his sword disappearing. At that moment, we thought he was dead. 

          I still remember the anguish and pain I felt, the pressure in my chest and the tears running down my cheeks as if there was no tomorrow. First Tatara, then Mikoto? Was it the purpose of the Colorless King to kill everyone I cared for?

          “You're being annoying…” Mikoto snorted.

         “Annoying? If Munakata hadn't stepped in on time... You know your sword is on its last legs, Mikoto. You can't keep abusing your power. At any moment…” my voice cracked at the thought. I knew it was a possibility that could come true at some point. 

         Mikoto has never listened to reason, he just acts without thinking about the consequences and, for me, it was painful to know that this impulsive personality that I liked so much could be the cause of his death. Yes, there had always been the possibility that he would do something reckless that would cost him his life, but knowing that was not the same as witnessing it.

          “I'll do what I have to. Will you let me sleep now?”

          It was pointless. Resigned, I nodded. However, I was far from satisfied.

          “I love you, Mikoto. But don't expect me to stand by and watch you destroy yourself,” was the last thing I said before leaving the room.

────── ⋅⋆✾⋆⋅ ──────

          “Are you sure?” Seri asked me.

          I didn't need to think about it. I had already made my decision. More or less. I still had to tell Mikoto, and I knew that if he asked me to stay with him, I would do it without hesitation. Still, I had to prove my point and show him that I would rather be away from him than continue to see him commit suicide. Because that's what he was doing, he was gradually killing himself. 

          “You just... Stay with me, okay?” Over time, I had become friends with that blonde, who whenever she had free time would go to the bar to have a drink with Izumo. I needed moral support for what I was going to do, and Seri was the only person I got along with who wasn't part of HOMRA.

          “Don't worry, red girl. I'm here.”

          I smiled at the nickname she had given me the first time we met at the bar. It had been so long...

          Before my resolve wavered, I caught my breath and opened the door. The silence was immediate, so I assumed everyone was aware of my discussion with Mikoto. Izumo smiled as he saw Seri enter behind me, although he frowned when he saw that she was still wearing the Scepter 4 uniform.

          “Seri-chan! What brings you here? Have you come for a drink?”

          “No, not today. I just came to accompany her,” she explained, pointing at me.

          That made all eyes turn to me again, as if demanding an explanation.

          “What is that supposed to mean?” asked Mikoto, sitting up on the couch.

          His golden eyes pierced into mine, and I began to twist my hands nervously. I was sure I was doing the right thing, but that didn't take away the fact that it was a difficult choice. The thought of being away from him was too painful.

          “I... I came to pick up my things.”

          Surprise was immediately reflected on the faces of my clanmates. Mikoto, however, remained unfazed.

          “So you're leaving,” he said.

          Looking away, I nodded. I couldn't stand the way he was looking at me, as if he was blaming me for abandoning him. It wasn't my fault. I just wanted him to see reason, to realize that he couldn't go on like this. All my attempts to talk to him had been useless. He couldn't blame me for not wanting to stick around and watch him destroy himself without being able to do anything about it.

          “Okay. As you wish,” he said, shrugging his shoulders and leaning back again as if he didn't care. 

          He didn't try to stop me and my pride prevented me from backing out so, with tears threatening to start falling at any moment, I hurried to grab what I needed and get out of there. I wasn't going to let him see me cry.

Fifth sin: pride.