Defying Gravity [BEING EDITED!]

2

MARCH 5TH, 2012

It's been a month since Shiloh and Adelaide found me in the alley. It's been a month since Bruce raped me. It's been a month since I moved in with Shiloh and Adelaide because it made me feel safer. It's been a month since I couldn't make it through a day without having a panic attack and  fearing that Bruce might find me again somehow.

It's been a month since my world changed forever.

I can remember the last words I said, they were in the alley to Adelaide. I haven't spoken since. He took that from me. I don't know why it's so hard to just speak, maybe I'm afraid that if I speak then I'll have to talk about it and if I talk about it then I have to remember him. I don't want to remember him, He's literally the star of my nightmares. Yeah, maybe that's why.. I know that at some point I will have to talk to someone but honestly I'm perfectly content not doing so.  And it's not like anyone can actually make me talk, right? I mean I would think that I won't ever have to talk again if I don't want to. I don't know-

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I stopped writing mid-sentence when I heard a knock on my door. I turned to see Adelaide and Shiloh- the only guy that doesn't scare me, or well at least doesn't scare me anymore- standing in my doorway. It's crazy how the two of them are always together I mean I get that they're close but seriously what brother and sister spends all their time together? Oh well.. I smiled at them in acknowledgement and Adelaide started talking.

"Are we interrupting something, you look a little preoccupied, we can go if we are."

I shook my head. They didn't know that I had started keeping a journal to keep from going insane from all of the memories, worries, and fears in my head.

She smiled. "Oh good! Cause Shi and I have a surprise for you!"

I raised my eyebrow in question.

"Don't worry, you'll love it. I think." She walked into the room, Shiloh followed, and held out her hand to me. Shiloh followed suit. "Do you trust us?"

I nodded, a confused expression coloring my face.

Shiloh spoke up. "The surprise is in the living room and we would like to lead you to it but we need you to not see it right away. So we would like for you to take our hands and close your eyes and let us lead you there."

I looked at him a bit nervous and also a bit panicked.

Adelaide saw my face and quickly added, "If you feel uncomfortable at any moment you can open your eyes and we will just have to do it a bit differently."

I contemplated it for a moment and nodded in agreement then stood, closed my eyes, and held out my hands for them. They each took a hand and quietly led me out of my room and up the stairs, away from my basement, towards the living room. Ever since the 'incident' I don't handle surprises and not seeing what's in front of me very well, because it takes me back to an extremely dark place, but I trusted the twins so I pushed those feelings down as best as I possibly could.

Shiloh let go of my hand when we reached the living room and I almost opened my eyes. Almost. But I remembered that they really wanted to surprise me and that I had promised to trust them so I kept them sealed.

After a few minutes of noisy shuffling Adelaide let go of my hand. "Okay Ana, open your eyes."

I did as she said and was shocked at what I saw. There in front of me, just sitting in the floor, was a little black-and-white, floppy eared, brown-eyed, Dalmatian. He was the cutest thing I had ever laid my eyes upon. I grinned ear to ear and fell to the floor where he got up, ran over, and promptly licked my face before curling up and going to sleep with his head in my lap. Somehow it made me smile even more. I looked up to where Shiloh and Adelaide were watching me on the couch.

Shiloh was the first to  speak. "His name is Levi, he's a year old, and he's completely yours."

I just looked at him shocked and ran my hand across Levi's soft fur.

Adelaide spoke next and, in normal Adelaide fashion, had an entire story to say about it. "So that first day that we met and took you to the hospital I don't know if you remember or if you have blocked it out but you had a panic attack right as we got there. Which of course concerned the doctor and then when I explained to him what the situation was he was even more worried and then you wouldn't speak, not that it's a problem, so he was of course even more concerned than before. Well anyway while they were doing the full examination and waiting for the uh.. the uh.. the ra-" she struggled trying to find the right words fearing that she might hurt my feeling. "-the test results, the doctor came out and told us that  you were sleeping and stable and that we no longer needed to stay. Of course as you now know I couldn't just leave you I was like totally invested and had to make sure that you were completely okay and so I told the doctor that I was going to befriend you, which obviously I did, and he was all like actually that's a really good idea she could really use friends in this time of healing. Then Shi rolled his eyes at me and told me he was going home and I told him no he had to stay so he stayed. Then I asked the doctor if there was anything else I could do to help you to feel better? That was when he told me about therapy dogs and how they can help with rape vic- I mean people in your situation and that they can also help with people who have anxiety or panic attacks or disabilities and I was all like wow I didn't know that. ANYWAYS... long story short I went right away after I befriended you to a place that trains therapy dogs and told them what I needed the dog to be able to do and they showed me the puppies that were in training for those things and then I saw Levi and decided he was perfect so they trained him specifically for you and your certain needs and so now here we are and there you are. I hope you like him." She sucked in a deep breath and started bouncing waiting on my response.

I do remember that first panic attack, how could I not? I could still remember how my body had frozen and my chest had constricted as well as how the panic had left this sour taste on my tongue. I remembered how just having the attack had scared me so much I immediately went into another because I couldn't understand what was going on. Just the memory of it made me nearly go into one now but I pushed it back and smiled instead as the tears from the memory rolled down my cheeks. I did love the dog of course and I was definitely grateful for him but unfortunately I sometimes became trapped in my own head. I realized that I hadn't really given a response to her speech, but I guess that my small smile was enough for her because she suddenly jumped up  and threw her arms around me in a tight hug startling Levi in the process.

"I'm so so so so so glad that you like him! I was so worried that you wouldn't and I wanted you to cause I think he might help you feel better and oh I'm just so happy you like him!"

I smiled and shook my head at her.

"Alright Adelaide, let her go so she can get to know Levi and also so she can breath you look like you're squishing her."

"Oh right! Sorry!" She jumped away and sat back next to her brother.

I stood and walked over to them and gave Shiloh a hug in thanks and then turned to go back to my room. Unfortunately Levi wasn't following.

"Just pat your leg he'll follow." -Adelaide

"He's trained to follow both verbal and non verbal commands." -Shiloh

I nodded and did what they said and he bounded off after me. Once down the stairs I found that they had somehow managed to get all of his things into my room without me knowing. I guess Levi really is mine to keep.