The Best Agent is who now?

Chapter One

Ray’s POV:
“What does Mrs. Archer need at 6 in the damn morning?” I asked. “Who knows?” Pam replied. “Maybe it’s a gangbang?” Cheryl asked. “Oh for the love of gawd. I called you in here for a job,” Mrs. Archer said. “Mother, what’s so important that it couldn’t wait til later in the day?” Archer asked. “My best agent is currently in bad condition,” Mrs. Archer said.

“But Lana is right here,” Pam said. “Where’s Krieger?” I asked. “If you would let me finish. She’s in the infirmary,” Mrs. Archer said, ushering us toward the elevator. “Why not the hospital? And what’s the job?” Lana asked as we all piled into the elevator. “She was deep undercover, but it was blown.

“I have no idea about how long ago she was outed, but she barely made out with her life. She can’t go to the hospital because she has mafia out for her head. Ray, you’re gonn-“ Mrs. Archer started, but the doors to the lab had opened where we walked to the infirmary and laying on a gurney with a heart monitor on her finger and nasal cannula was…

“Mary Jane?” I asked, rushing to her side. “Ray Bear!” she said, hugging me. “I’m lost,” Cheryl said. “Team meet our greatest agent, Mary Jane Gillette,” Mrs. Archer introduced. “Are you still married?” Pam asked. “Wait, Mary Jane as in Mary Jane Cannabis?” Archer asked. “Still confused,” Cheryl said, shrilly.

“Mary Jane is my twin sister. Who I thought I lost and who looks stunning. As usual,” I said, indicating to her red plaid button up blouse and skinny jeans. “I’m sorry. I had to take the assignment,” Mary said. “What about the twins?” I asked. “Those two monkeys are in the nursery,” Krieger said. “We have a nursery?” Pam asked.

“Why would they…. Wait a minute!” I exclaimed realizing what it all meant. “Congrats Uncle Ray,” Mary said. “Now I’m really confused,” Lana said. “Go debrief them. I need to rest,” Mary said. “You sure?” I asked, eyeing Krieger. “I’m in good hands. I promise. Tell them everything,” she whispered. “Ok, but first I’m taking my niece, nephew, and?” I asked. “Niece,” Mary replied. “Newborn,” Krieger chimed in.

Mrs. Archer led me into the nursery where the twins were instantly on me. “Uncle Ray!” they screamed. The baby squealed in delight. “Oh my gawd! They are adorable!” Lana exclaimed. “The baby is Raylene!” Krieger called. I started to tear up. “And who are these two other angels?” Pam asked.

“I’m gonna ask the question that I’m sure everyone is thinking. Is she lesbian?” Cyril asked. “She’s bisexual,” I replied, picking Raylene up gently. “I’m Michael and this is Melody. We’re twelve,” Mikey said. “Let’s debrief in my office. You two don’t touch anything,” Mrs. Archer said and we went upstairs to her office. “Ok, to clear up any confusion. Mary is the queen of Cannabis. Has been since she was seventeen.

“Anywho, she broke from the family business and started growing and selling her own weed. Michael and Melody was the reasons she did. Our father tried to rape the lesbian out of her when we were fifteen, which resulted in the twins.  I sort of lost contact with her a couple of years ago. Now I guess she was deep undercover,” I explained and Michael went to sit on Mrs. Archer’s lap. Which she obliged and I smiled.

Melody tugged on Pam’s arm and opened her arms wide. Pam lifted her onto her lap. “Mary was undercover to take down the mafia boss Arnold Moss,” Mrs. Archer said. “No fricking way!” Pam exclaimed. “She managed to smuggle out a ton of documents and she has a usb with everything to take him down,” Mrs. Archer said. “And I assume we are to babysit her until he’s caught?” Lana asked. “Correct. Is that a problem?” Mallory asked. 

“Nope,” Lana asked. “Twenty bucks she dates Pam,” Archer said. “My money is on me,” Cyril said. “Oh my god. I hope she screws me!” Cheryl squealed. “I say Archer,” Pam said. “Are you guys serious?” I asked. “I got money on Krieger,” Mrs. Archer said and I sighed. “We agree,” Michael said. “Yup, yup, yup,” Melody said.

“I’m taking my leave,” I said and headed back to the infirmary with Raylene. When the doors opened, music blasting greeted me. And laughter. Mary was propped up on pillows, laughing at something Krieger said or did. “Oh hey Ray! Krieger was just telling me about your missions,” Mary said gleefully. “Really now,” I said, hopping on the gurney beside her. I passed Raylene to her.

“Yup,” she said and Krieger slipped out of the infirmary after turning off the music. “I missed you. I was so worried about you,” I said. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could have told you, but Mallory said I couldn’t. The twins were put in a safe house where I could visit. Mallory made sure they were taken care of when I had to go away.

"Pam helped take care of the twins,” she said. “She gave the best fingering of my life,” Pam said, from the doorway. “Oh my gawd. This is my sister you’re talking about,” I exclaimed. “Sorry to interrupt, but the monkey’s are hungry,” she said. “You guys dating?” Cheryl asked. “We were friends with benefits,” Pam replied.