Chaos, You and I ( english traduction )

5 Lost

Tessa

I felt like this again this time, "lost", the word that most represented my life, I did not remember beautiful days, only some that were then covered with painful moments, and even at that moment I felt lost, slumped at the door after having railed against a poor boy who, after all, just wanted to be my friend, but I couldn't trust anyone, not after my past that always came back knocking. After half an hour crying I decided to get up and settle down but I felt so tormented, Hero had come so close and classmate to make himself known and in the end I had treated him so badly, he must have thought that I am crazy, myself I would think so. But what could I have done? Go now and apologize? Well I would seem crazy but at least I would solve it, but then what does it matter to me what he thinks? Just because he was kind, I should now think that he is good, maybe as Erik was, he too made a very good friend at the beginning and then .. but I'll talk about this another time ..
In the end I decided that the right thing to do was to get a good sleep and that Sunday would be better.
After doing my classic night routine, I put on my pajamas and decided to go read on my terrace, reading was the only thing that relaxed me in the most absurd and painful moments and in that moment it would have helped me calm down.
While I was curled up on my sofa looking at the stars and that beautiful full moon I thought about my father, he had been my light, if he were here now I would probably be a happy girl and I would not have all these problems, I remember the chats when I was baby, as we sat on the porch of our London home, while we looked at the stars thinking about when I would be big, he always told me he was proud of me, who knows if he would think so today, I missed his closeness so much, his love, his advice; I am sure that if he had been here today he would have said to me "hey Tessa what did you do, go immediately and apologize, you don't treat people like that", I fell a tear thinking of him, of his goodness, he only saw the good of people and the world, he did not see the rotten, I'm sure that looking at Hero with a single glance he would have said "that boy is so good, he's perfect for you Tess" as he called me, affectionately.
But the reality was very different and I no longer had faith because having too much had only inflicted pains and wounds on me that I was still trying to heal.
As I stood there reading I finally fell asleep, thinking back to my childhood and my beloved father.

Author: Hello everyone, sorry for waiting but I could not update before, I will try to be forgiven by publishing various chapters as soon as possible. Various updates await you, I hope you are enjoying it 🧸