Find Yourself, Then Find Me

Find Yourself, Then Me

Warnings: kissing, cheating, piv sexual intercourse (unprotected), riding, back shots, finger sucking, Eddie's rings 🤤, hair pulling, spit kink, spanking, passionate sex, crying, pining, squirting, depression, self doubt, Daddy kink, praise kink, slight degradation, use of "princess" and "babygirl" pet names, scratching, insecurity (m), creampie, multiple orgasms, Eddie needs a hug, reader is 19 and Eddie is 19-20 (canonically)

Eddie didn't have a normal childhood. He knew how to deal drugs at the ripe of 7, thanks to his father who showed him the ropes of the drug dealing world. He didn't have the father-son bond that most kids his age had but it didn't stop him from remembering the few times he did get to spend with his father fondly.

He'd tell me about the days when him and his father would go out of state for spontaneous trips that were really drug runs. Those were the times where him and his father were like the best of friends. As a child, it all seemed like an adventure: Staying up all night in a seedy motel watching horror movies with his dad, eating burgers with a side of fries and a chocolate shake at some diner, going to a house of drugged up people and scary guys with guns... that was the routine. His father would get the "luggage" and they'd go right back to the motel, working to hide the drugs into Eddie's clothes. His father was convinced that if the cops were to do a random search, they wouldn't search a kid.

Obviously, his method wouldn't remain foolproof for long.

Eddie was 11 when his father was arrested and locked away for 25 years for drug trafficking charges. With a father in prison and a mother he never knew whether she'd been dead or alive, Eddie was put in the custody of his Uncle Wayne in Hawkins. His uncle cared for him as if he was his own son, wanting the best for Eddie yet accepting him as he is.

Eddie was always Eddie despite his situation. I've always admired that about him. That he was who he was through and through.

I thank the day we met, Eddie. I'm grateful you sat next to me that day on the bus. When you theatrically rambled about D'n'D to me when you noticed I'd been a fan, too. I didn't say a word to you that whole ride. To afraid to say anything because I never made friends that easily. You didn't seem to care. You still continued to hang around me. You made me come out my shell and see myself. I can't imagine growing up to be who I am today without you.
Which is why it hurts for what I'm about to say.
Eddie and I first started dating the moment we entered high school. He was my first love. My first kiss. And 2 years into dating, we'd lose our virginities to each other. It'd felt like, in that moment, we were bound forever. It was the night we'd exchanged "I love you's". But ever since I grew popular, Eddie looked at me as if I were someone else. We were growing apart throughout our high school days. Things just weren't the same anymore.

We were now sitting at a distance; up-top the picnic table in front of his home. I played with my thumbs, avoiding his eyes.

"You're breaking up with me?" He whispers, voice cracking.

I inhaled, trying to fight back tears. "We're not the same people we were back then. We're not even happy when we're around each other. And it feels like I know what you're thinking every time you look at me. And it doesn't look good."

"How could I think of you in any other way except positively? I think you're amazing. I just feel like you're confusing our relationship being different when really you're the one that's different. You've been that way ever since you started hanging around the conformers."

"It's not that I'm trying to be like them. It's just that I'm trying to figure myself out. I wanna the person that I can be. All my life, I've been in my siser's shadow. So forgotten by my parents that I was beginning to forget myself. I'm finally being who I want to be. I'm being seen. You've been with the Hellfire Club nearly every day. We barely hang out. It just feels like I'm being ignored by you, too."