borhap + queen imagines

ben hardy - please don't leave me

TW: mentions of self harm 

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dear diary,

before social media, i was happy with my life. i didn't care about criticism or hate towards me. i would always shrug it off and move on. i wish i still did that. social media can be dangerous. social media can make you think things that aren't true. social media can scar. 

ben and i have been dating for 3 and a half years now and we decided to come out publicly a little over a year ago. i was happy knowing we could hold hands in public, kiss in public, go on cute dates without feeling the paparazzi were everywhere. it was amazing. the whole world knew i was his and he was mine. the hate didn't start piling in until around a few months ago. there could've been hate before then obviously but i haven't started noticing it until recently. people can be mean. 

i've had tons of threats from so called fans of ben's telling me that he's only with me because he feels sorry for me. that he doesn't actually love me. they call me a slut, an attention seeker. that i'm using ben for the fame. ben and i have known each other since i was 16 and he was 18, we were best friends before were even dated. but yet, i'm using him for fame apparently.

i've had much worse things said to me but i'd much rather not say them, they're that horrible. i hope things start getting better. 

- y/n

i close my diary with a sigh and place it back at the bottom of my underwear drawer. ben walks into our shared apartment and walks into our bedroom. i quickly hide my diary amongst my clothes and shut the drawer. "hey baby." ben hugs me from behind, snuggling his face in my neck. "hey." he lets go of me and i turn to face him. "you alright?" ben asks, worriedly. i hiccup and nod. "yeah why wouldn't i be?" i lie walking down the hall and into the kitchen. ben follows me. "i don't know, you seem odd." i shake my head, putting the kettle on. "nope i'm all good." i smile. hopefully i reassured him enough. "i'm gonna take a shower, you wanna join?" ben smirks. "i had one before." i laugh. "okay." ben kisses my forehead before walking towards the bathroom. 

A FEW DAYS LATER 

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i can't take it anymore. the hate is becoming more and more worse and it's starting to get to my head. ben's out with joe and gwilym and i'm home alone, crying, scrolling through comments. i read a comment that hits me like a boulder 

user 1: no wonder her parents didn't want her, they probably wanted to die on that plane so they never saw her again hahahahaha

my parents couldn't afford to take care of me when i was a baby so they gave me to my grandparents who took me in. later on in my life when i was 15 they died in a plane crash. my whole world crumbled apart that day. putting it on social media wasn't the smartest idea but i felt like i needed to put it out there since i felt it would be kept quiet and left alone. i guess not. 

i throw my phone across the room, breaking it entirely and i run to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. 

ben's pov:

i came home to the house pitch black, curtains still open and the tv on. it's 1am but i promised y/n i'd be home by 10. she's probably mad at me. i walk towards our bedroom and can hear faint crying. shit. i walk over to the bathroom, tapping on the door. "y/n, baby. i'm sorry i'm late." she stops sniffling and i can't hear anything anymore. "y/n?"

"go away ben please." she cries. my heart breaks for her. "y/n. what's wrong love?" i try and open the door but it's locked. "y/n? open the door." i frantically say. "for fuck sake ben go away!" she screams, making me stop, i walk away and sit on the bed, still looking at the bathroom door. 

y/n's pov:

"for fuck sake ben go away!" i scream when ben tries to open the door. he stops and i hear him walk away. i curl up in a ball, my arms stinging. 'why did i do this?' i ask myself in my head. it hurts so bad. 

an hour later i walk out of the bathroom, quietly. ben sits up and looks up at me, concern written all over his face. "hey, are you okay?" he stays seated on the bed. i nod. "yeah i'm okay, just a rough day." i answer, trying to keep my voice steady. "okay, come here." ben lays down and moves over so i can lay next to him. i pull my hoodie sleeves more down my arms so i don't expose myself. i lie down next to him and ben laces his arms around me, kissing the back of my head softly. he doesn't say anything, we just lay there and end up falling asleep. 

i wake up the next morning to ben sitting down next to me, his back facing me. i sit up a bit and lay a hand on his back. he doesn't turn around, he doesn't even flinch, he just looks down. "ben, are you alright?" i sit up fully and see what's in his hands. my diary. i snatch the book out of his grasp and spring to the other side of the room. ben stands up, facing me. my heart shatters when i see his teary stained cheeks. "why didn't you tell me this is how you feel?" ben asks me, pain in his voice. i sigh dropping the book on the bed, running my hands through my hair. "because ben, you've been so busy with filming and interviews, i didn't want you worrying about me." ben walks over to me, pulling me into him. "hey, hey, hey, i'll always worry about you. i'll always be here for you, you can tell me everything. please y/n please don't say you've hurt yourself." ben's voice cracks at the last sentence. 

i look down at my feet, avoiding eye contact. "y/n." 

"i'm sorry." ben sobs which causes me to look at him. all i see is pain and sadness is his eyes. "what did you do?" i stand away and pull my sleeves up. ben covers his mouth with his hands. "no baby no." he sobs, sitting down on the bed, head in hands. he starts crying heavily. i walk over to him, and move his hands so i can sit on his lap. he holds me so tight, almost like he never wants to let me go again. after a few minutes of silence, ben tilts his head up so his eyes meet mine. i wipe a few loose tears away and kiss him softly on the lips. "please don't leave me." 

"no ben, i'm not going to leave you." i whisper, pulling his head into my chest. he moves his head up to kiss my collar bone and neck. "promise me something?" i look down at ben. "yes?"

"please don't do this again? please?" i kiss the top of his forehead. "i won't, i promise you my life." ben kisses me passionately and pulls me onto him more so i'm straddling his lap. he wraps his arms tightly around my waist. "if i could, i would kiss away all your sadness." ben whispers into the kiss. "i know."

A/N: this is so bad i'm so sorry. i got this idea from something on pinterest. i hope you kinda liked it. 

danielle <3