Chaotic Curiosity

long lasting farewell

Alexei’s POV

I  let my gaze too long on him, while he is leaving the hall. Only after his figure left through the double-winged door, I turn around, scanning the hall for my sister. It wasn't hard to find the platin blond among those fancy people. Alina is talking to the mayor, probably having the best time after multiple weeks of traveling and secretly working. I knew she was waking up way before me, offering our hosts and waitress two hands. My batch of coins grew from 4-7 silver heavier but I never mentioned. I am trying to give the life she deserves, as she's there to help me out with mine.
I reach Alina and the mayor, chatting away about politics and how comedy fits perfectly into it. With a smile, the mayor greets me once more.
      "Mister Makoven! You always mentioned how hardworking you are but never told a soul you had a good pair of hands to help."
      "Alina isn't my assistant, sir" I ruffle my sister's hair, which she replied with a simper.
      "Oh really? So I can have her as mine if you don't mind."
We laugh off, me trying to keep it natural, and don't feel awkward or overprotective over my sister. As much as I tried not to be rude and keeping the conversation short, my sister and the mayor were a good fit. They came up with any slightly related topic to the previous one and continued chatting more. It was draining after almost 10 minutes. So I tried as politely as possible to say our goodbyes.
Alina manages to stuff her face once more at the dinner wagon, before flying out the door. At the steps she grabs my hand and jumps from the 5th step, making my heart drop and yerk after her. Having already decades behind us, I still bark at her for giving me such a fright.
      "It's not like you drank something and could've broken your ankle from that height," she says innocently.
      "Oh, that is just what you want, don't you? Hoping I would hurt myself so we can stay here until the festival is over"
She replies with a smirk and starts wiggling around to the music which is playing near the statue. I shake my head and give her my coat, trying to keep an eye on here while scanning my surroundings for Lazarus. Weirdly enough I can't find the blue Tiefling anywhere among those extraordinary people. Alina is back in her spirit, dancing with anyone she can keep eye contact with. Minutes after minutes, Lazarus was nowhere to be seen. Alina warms her self up with dancing and my fur around her shoulders. But I'm just standing in the cold, helplessly looking around, folding my arms around myself.
For a moment my hopes shoot up, after hearing a voice near me. But my expectations dissolved quickly by looking into two eyes of a stranger.
      "T'music is playing, but you decided to stand around and keep any warmth left in you with a hug. You must be a bad dancer." The big hunter says. I saw him before with a group of dogs. Glaring at the leader, making people shiver.
      "Just slightly. I learn in my free time and in the presence of my sister. But I guess her joy of dancing isn't patient enough with my stumbling feet." I say almost too tired.
      "Why not go inside? You must be freezing your toes off. So brave to stand around in your undergarments"
I leave a scoff and look at my sister, trying to avoid continuing the talk. But this man isn't getting the hint.
      "She is a good dancer. She fits just right in with her energy"
I nod.
      "Not much of a talker, hm? It could keep you warm if you laugh hard enough."
I couldn't resist a chuckle, which causes some hope in this man.
      "See? Ain't that hard to survive this nasty winter"
      "Yes, you're right. But I actually don't need so much fur. Not even if it was my own"
His smug look keeps my smile a bit longer. Ruffling his short beard makes him look ridiculous.
      "I'm just trying to survive. Even a bear needs company at night"
      "Do they?" I ask stupidly.
      "At least I do"
Only now did I notice how smoothly he managed to corner me up against a pillar. Luckily my cheeks were red from the cold, but I couldn't Image how much redder they got.
      "Sorry to hear. Your nights must have been cold to be so desperate to search around a living source of heat."
      "You got me. I imagined the search to be endless and impossible. But here I am. Standing in front of a man with just a shirt around his smooth skin. I hope this search was worth it." He winks at me, leaning more in. It leaves something comfortable in me. I force myself to look after Lazarus once more.
      "L-Like I said. Sorry to hear, because I am busy tonight."
      "Must be a lucky woman"
      "Not really. My sister hates my snorting. Besides... I still have to look for a friend, which seems to have left and forgotten me." I admit, finally escaping this heart beating trap. I swing around him, mistakingly having my back towards Alina.
      "Your friend is a dick then. Maybe I was standing here long enough to notice your friend. I can direct you if you tell me how they look like." It seems like his desperate need for a warm night has finally brushed off. I accept the help, once again stupidly.
      "He's a tall Tiefling, with beautiful blue skin, curled horns, thin tail, and outstanding clothes. But I guess everyone here is a catch into the eye."
      "A blue Tiefling? Does he have a golden accessory at his left horn? Sluggish smile, purple hair?"
      "Exactly!"
      "So we are talking about the same Lazarus."
I raise one eyebrow by surprise. "You know him?"
      "Yes. Not really a dick friend to me. Though he has a nice grip to it."
I stop for a moment to repeat his words in my head. Foolishly trying to get different context out of it, to avoid the image in my mind.
He seems to notice my off behavior, mimicking a cop a plea.
      "Pardon me. This was inappropriate to say... I thought-"
      "You thought right" I cut him off "Lazarus and I are just... friends. We met six months ago and haven't talked that much. He's just helping out with a spot my sister and I could stay at."
I manage to give him some relief, which wasn't good on my part "So, you and Lazarus are...?"
He looks at me slightly confused, probably waiting until I finished my sentence. But he catches up eventually.
      "O- hookups. We're just hookups. I grew bored of the brothels until I met him. He was in my line pretty fast."
I could sense a lie. But I didn't know about who he was lying. Himself or Lazarus.
My mood switches to awkward again. The stranger continues with his story.
      "It was in his tavern we met. Well not really his tavern, but that's where he mostly stays the night at. I just went there to see if I find someone interesting and I did. Two times we went to my place-..."
Finally zooming out, I look around to see my sister getting exhausted. She is huffing and puffing noticing me with the stranger, waving shortly. I turn back to him and stop his talking.
      "It was nice meeting you, but it surely is getting cold. I'm just going to the next inn and stay there the night" I sound tired again.
      "Do you need directions or a leader? I know some good pla-"
      "No thank you. We will manage"
He finally gets the hints, bowing his head as a goodbye. Curiosity takes over as I call for the stranger.
      "What's your name?"
He stops in his steps, looking over his shoulder with a smirk.
      "Say Lyth talked to you. And if he gets bored with your softness, just bite him. He will moan more for your pleasure"
With that, he leaves and Alina strolls back to me, asking who this stranger was. Yet Lyth never answered my question on where Lazarus was.

*

Currently, this information wasn't needed. Lazarus comes running towards Alina and me. Half explaining his missed presence. I simply brush it off, following his steps back he just created in the snow. Lazarus tries to bring up topics to talk about. I passively refuse to talk. Too much is taking up in my head, unable to comprehend even more information. Alina keeps playing my hero by taking up my spot of talking with Lazarus. We reach the tavern where Lazarus apparently stays at. I finally can put the place in the copied map I keep in my head. One foot in and Alina is demanding for a room. Without hesitation, I reach for my bag of coins, letting her sprint through the tavern. The night already seems like a blur to me. With Lazarus' talk and the loud noises, I can't think straight or even listen well. Alina doesn't take long to bring the keys to a room. Because Lazarus' plans always contain to drink one or two glasses, I send Alina up to the room, only to run after her to get the bag of coins back. It is probably the only opportunity to run from all the stress that is crashing me through the wooden floor. And because my sister is a perfect angel, she notices my misbehavior.
      "Headache or was it the big hunter from before?"
I close the door behind me, to lurch over to her, hanging myself over her shoulders. She wraps her arms around me, squeezing me tight.
      "The hunter first. It's still early for a headache..."
      "Are you staying in a different room tonight?" she asks, while I get off of her and take a quill and some paper out of my bag. She hands me the pouch with lesser coins.
      "I don't know... I... I really hoped to see him once more, before going to O'riven. But now... I... I think... I..."
      "You are scared..?"
I look at her unsure. I just shrug and open the door, the noise from downstairs comes first into the room.
      "I will come to check on you. Don't wait, just rest"
She nods and taps back to me, to give another bear hug. I accept it and hug her back, before closing the door behind me and leaping down to the bar. Lazarus for once didn't disappear on me.
He gives me the choice of choosing the drink. I keep it low, so I can think straight enough to avoid regrettable things.
We talk. It feels different. Weirder now that I know he probably moved on over the thing we never really had. The whole time I feel foolish. I feel foolish about my hopes I kept after the second day we met. Going to Taverns, believing I would see his glittery eyes somewhere in the corner at a table. And even hearing all these rumors, him betraying the king... stealing the egg and the money. He indirectly admitted to some sort of crime. I still had faith in something, which was obviously one-sided.
I am barely listening to him. Answering questions about my trip to O'riven and that sort of thing. The minutes are dragging on and the Ale is sitting heavy in my empty stomach. With some excuse to just stop talking, I was offering him to dance. Weirdly enough he declined. As if the world is turning against me, my mouth starts blathering about Lyth. Breaking the bomb to shut him up about trying to get in bed with me. After Lyth, I understand what Lazarus was all in for. And Lazarus gets my hints easily. Now the whole awkwardness switches unto us both. I am the first to break free from it, to go upstairs. But some sort of need of mine stops me two times. I'm not even sure what I am telling him. Maybe it is the caring side, wanting him to do actual sports to sober up. But the other part... I blame it on the heavy ale. I walk up the steps, looking back at him three times, before entering the room of me and my sister's. She is sitting in candlelight, already undressed into her undergarments, scratching on paper.
      "That was fast" she whispers.
I walk to her and before doing anything else, she rises and gifts me her warmth with another hug.
      "We will leave tomorrow in the morning. Don't unpack too much" my voice rasping.
      "Alex, as much as I'm used to your presence at night... at least try-"
      "Just forget it. He isn't good for me"
She loses the hug to look at me "I should be the one to tell you this. But I'm not. You were desperate after finding out Thenix was here. You finished a map in four days! And Forest Walltes isn't just some small village nor a town. It's the second-largest city in Manteaush. You prayed even to see him again... please don't throw it away. At least not the four days of hard work."
Now I get why Alina whispers bloody week from time to time. I can be an emotional mess after working too much. Just barely I manage to keep myself. Well... not really. Alina wipes off the tears of my cheeks and stretches them to make me smile. I pack some things away into my bag and try to organize it for tomorrow. Alina has other plans and pushes me out of the room, closing the door and even locks it clearly. I huff until I notice a figure coming upstairs. I lean against the door, looking at my feet. I thought Lazarus would be still downstairs, just flushing his throats with whiskey but then I hear his voice. I should've recognized him on the spot with his heels.
      "Waiting for someone?"
I look up and keep my tone quite, hoping the shakiness in my voice fades into the tavern music beneath us. "Only if I'm getting invited" I smile.
He steps aside and offers me his arm. Trying not to seem to helpless, I grab him under the arm a little roughly, Lyths words playing in my head.
We go upstairs and halt at the fourth door. "Careful, the ceiling is low," he says and opens the door. But I'm not stepping in. Instead, I fold my arms in front of my chest and bring back some memories.
       "What was the first thing I said to you?"
He blinks at me a few times before answering "It was something of assuming the drink was meant for your sister I have given you if I recall correctly".
To my surprise, he got the thing right, the last time he got wrong. I smile uncontrollably.
       "You got it right. That's surprising if I think back how you got the last question wrong."
       "The answer is burned into my brain after that night" he chuckles.
To just enjoy the memories, I fold my hands behind my back, a wide grin is stretching over my cheeks.
       "Shall I continue with the question-" before I could finish the sentence, hands are on my cheeks and his lips pressing against mine. I close my eyes and commit to the feeling, getting lead by him. His hands are brushing over my cheeks to my neck, makes me go wild, even though my stomach is empty. All the butterflies are hitting me at once, losing all sense of logical thinking. I feel how one of his hands is moving to my hair, pulling off the ribbon, setting my curls free.
At this point, I don't even know what my hands are doing. They somehow reached his leather pants, pulling him closer to me. My lungs started aching because of the lack of oxygen. So I lose myself from him, surprised I am able to do so. My cheeks started to hurt right before I noticed I am grinning. My legs lead me to his bed, where I slowly sit down and move back, as he climbs over me, demanding more kissing without a word. I lean back into the multiple layers of sheets. Probably the comfiest I had so far in the last one and half-moons.
His tongue was hot, his body warm from all the clothing he was wearing. As if I didn't have hands anymore, they walk their own way up to his chest, down his sides into his pants. My heart was beating up my throat, choking me with nervousness and lust.
[written until 2:24 am. Will be continued]
I am feeling every bit. The wooden planks under the layers, his hands holding himself up beside my head, while the other one is brushing against my stomach. Goosebumps are crowding me with every minute passing. Lazarus seems to know what he's doing. Of course. My clothes didn't stay on for long and from all that kissing, I didn't notice how Lazarus managed to lit a fire in the room. It is good to have some warmth, though we should heat up quickly.
My hands are shy, only touching around his... well. I couldn't handle this much of him. It almost seems like I'm in a dream. Too much is happening today, making it seem unrealistic. Lazarus isn't having my shyness, because, with a helping hand, I was suddenly petting his hump. My face starts to burn and I really want to pull my hand out of those tight leather pants! How is he wearing them comfortably anyways?
As Lazarus' breathing becomes heavier, his... friend becomes stronger. Of course, he wasn't the only one. After all, he was providing some good movements with his legs against my member. I could feel the blood flushing through my veins. Even seeing it while Lazarus is brushing off my clothes. I didn't want to lay around helplessly, so I helped him. I untied his shirt and bringing it over his head, as he is with mine. After a while, we were both half-naked, still making out. I am questioning if it isn't uncomfortable with the leather so tight around his thing. Maybe I was looking too often down because Lazarus suddenly asked,
      "You want to help me with that?"
I swallow hard and break eye contact by looking at the ceiling past him. Even though I wasn't looking at him, I could see him smirking. He lifts himself up and climbs off me. For a moment I believe I messed up. I sit myself up straight, just to see how elegant Lazarus is stripping in front of me, making me blush until the sun gets jealous. He says something which I couldn't hear. My eyes are just focused on that standing... blue thing. How does it work between guys again? Swallowing again, at least trying and failing at it, I knew this will be very weird, maybe even for us both.
Slowly Lazarus is approaching me. My eyes fly up in embarrassment but he handles me well. He pushes me back down but doesn't hold himself over me this time. Instead, I feel his lips touching my chest, kiss by kiss going down. He must be using his magic because my body is heating up rapidly. Opening my two belts and untying the leases, my muscle tenses. I lift my head before panic could flood me, but Lazarus is faster with his hand. A warm grip and a wanting smile. Regrets are overwhelming me. Maybe I am not ready? Even after 6 months... We only knew each other for two days, why are we doing this after meeting again?
My thoughts stopped as something really hot a slippery touches my wood. I gasp for air, making sounds I didn't know I could do. With pinched close eyes and my hand pressing against my mouth, the heat is covering the whole thing as the movement continues. Knowing what Lazarus is doing to me, I shift in the sheets more and more, clinging to the layers until my fingers under my nail hurt. A sudden pulling as if he was trying to suck the soul out of me, forces me to remove the hand from my mouth and grab his head. I have to bite my tongue to stop my moaning, but Lazarus is just going for it, not stopping.
I start to lose my sense, gripping one of Lazarus horns, but leaving them be shortly after. My hips are lifting against his head banging and before my body could reach the point he suddenly stops. My lungs are on fire and the room is now too hot for my liking. My thoughts of finishing it myself overtook me. I reached down to continue but Lazarus catches my hand midair. I look at him confused.
      "You didn't... finish"  I comment ignorantly.
      "Because I'm not finished in the slightest"
I don't know which color my face decided to turn in, but my head starts to feel dizzy so I laid down again.
Two hands reach my thighs and push them uncomfortably up to my chest. Maybe he thought I was flexible like a skinny boy should be. But sitting at the desk for most of the day, my legs can only stretch away from my body.
      "You are very stiff" I hear. I try to shrug, but the tensity is still there. Every brush or move could make me explode.
My eyes drop close, squeezing them shut as I feel something cold against an opening.
      "It will hurt..."
      "I know" I reply quickly, just wanting to get it over with. It does hurt. And it does feel unpleasant. But Lazarus is there to calm me and make me relax, even though just minutes ago he was pushing me to the edge. It starts to slide easier in and at some point it was more than one finger. Minutes of stretching, like my legs, I am in a relaxed state and letting Lazarus do whatever at this point.
Once again he stops midway and pulls himself away. I lay still, this time not looking at what he is doing. I feel movements next to me, followed by a pulling. I simply move along, because I was already halfway through, why stopping now?
He put me in a potion in which he was sitting straight legs and I kneel above him. My heart beating louder as I look at him.
      "Just slowly-"
I don't know what stupid thought I could have to shove myself on him, whimpering about the pain. Though I did manage to make Lazarus moan unexpectedly. He gives me a minute or so to calm down and relax more, so I wouldn't be in more pain. His hands holding my buns, carefully leading the movement. I hate every minute of it. It is uncomfortable, pulling too much, and makes my stomach turn in an odd way. But time passes and it gets easier. I catch up to the movement so Lazarus doesn't have to do all the work. And finally, we connected. I grew more confident and faster until we both are moaning. I grabbed his neck gently to feel his lips again, but couldn't keep up with the breathing.
A thought flashed me, I wish I have forgotten it. I bend down to his neck, first shyly kissing it before full on biting. From years of chewing on my quills, I know how gentle or harsh I could be to not break it. So as with Lazarus' neck, it should be. This sets off a new pace and Lazarus now shoving it into me. The pain comes back and I really don't want to be a tool of him, so I push him into the sheet, sitting up myself, of course. Lazarus is trying to push his way back up again, nevertheless, I hold him down with both of my hands.
      "...stay" I whisper, moving my hips awkwardly in circles. He calms, looking at me unsure. It takes practice to get the shaking move into a proper circle, but I manage. I dare to lift my hips to his moaning and continue riding him. I watch his pleased face, wishing to touch his lips. It seems like I was staring. Lazarus opens his eyes and grins.
      "stalker"
I burn in embarrassment, as I move faster to distract. Lazarus closes his eyes joyfully and blindly reaches for my hand. I take it with a smile but instead of holding him, I lead him to what he hasn't finished yet. I sensed a glance, maybe a smirk. The good thing is he obeys and follows along. My hips are passing with his hand and for last and probably loudest I finish first.
Lazarus lifts himself up to catch my back and continue the tense moves. My senses are going wild, my head spinning extremely. I thought something like this would end nicely. Instead, I got filled with an unpleasing feeling liquid.

The fire was out, the room almost too dark. Only one little moonshine through the besnowed window is letting me see my own hand in front of me. My finger tapping on my still twisting stomach, I am counting the seconds and minutes that are passing. Lazarus holds me with one arm close to him, his breathing calm. I don't think I can sleep after something like this. It's too fresh. Too much to think about. But Lazarus must be used to it.
      "Are you sleeping?" I ask, nearly impossible to hear. Still, I get an answer.
      "No. But you should be"
I wait, fidgeting with the thought of asking him right now. But I would hate the world if I wouldn't do so and go on with my journey.
      "what does this mean to you? Being here with me, after so many months... sleeping... a such, "
      "What is it to you? You will live hundreds of years while I will be ash, my soul still probably suffering in hell, "
I breathe out silently to his reply. Hating it when people don't answer my questions.
      "Please don't make it about me now. I never wanted to have so many years on my back. And even if I can beyond your lifetime, it's not a must. The world is crazy, even if I am able to live through them." The ceiling is filled with swirling thoughts of mine. Hoping to distract me, I turn to face Lazarus, memorizing his profile I have clearly kept in my memories. To push the conversation I answer first.
      "It means something deeply for me. Something I have the first experience with you, but it will lose it's meaning if this all was for the purpose of satisfaction..."
He turns his face slightly to me, his eyes shimmering in the dark.
      "This means something but... it all goes away and fades with time, doesn't it, " he turns his face away again. Probably afraid I'm going to see something in his expression "I wish I could remember the faces of my parents or dead friends but I don't. And your face will fade into that void too,"
My jaw clenches until it hurts. My thinking is stupid but I still continue to talk.
      "If that is for you, I will take it." being desperately in love never was something I was looking for, being a big brother, a cartographer, a traveler. Especially I should know a romance isn't something for me.
      "I tried not to like you... No that is even understated. I tried not to love you. Forget your face, your smile, " My throat becomes dry, just as my voice becomes raspy. To regulate my breathing and not to look at his features, I set myself up, looking at the sheet.
      "I tried to forget everything we had in those two days of nothing but just talking, kissing... Now, look at me. Canceling plans because I knew you were here. I crossed half of this country to see you. Lazarus, you won't fade away. Not for me." I pulled myself closer to the edge, letting my feet touch the cold wood.
      "I am pathetic to believe there could be something between us. Something more than just... This"
      "Tell me how you saw this working out. Between us, " he suddenly says, assuming sitting up too. I don't know, I can't look at him. "Drop everything and go with you to O'riven?"
I turn to face him, my lips and words trembling "wasn't that your plan anyways? Because I surely did drop everything just to see you once more. Knowing exactly you're no one to settle with. Like I said. I'm pathetic" I barked at last
      "You dreamed even enough to believe--" Lazarus cut himself off and turned his attention elsewhere as he spoke, "I'm poison and anything you could have with me would be tragic. Everyone who loves me dies sooner rather than later," he muttered the last sentence.
I turn away, hunching in defense. I feel my throat clenching shut, my sight going blurry and my frustration building up. I knew it was a mistake to come here. To try to find Lazarus. To chat with him. To dance, to drink, to go upstairs, to enjoy every bit with him.
I brush my wrists over my wet cheeks, keeping most of the sniffing in. The ceiling hasn't served me well today.
I hear how Lazarus is moving from the bed. The wood cracking under his feet, walking into my sight. Surprisingly he kneels in front of me, and I return his look.
      "I'm sorry it has to be like this. I wish it could be any other way for us," he whispers and reaches for my hand. Tears are flooding down. I never felt so shaken up before and even Lazarus touches startle me. I see how he lifts his second hand to my cheeks. I scare away at first... but my wish to feel his touches leaves me leaning into it. With a soft warm brush, he whips away the tears, smiling slightly. I stay hunched like this for long, looking at him, wishing it would be the other way.
      "I will make it the other way" I promise almost deaf to the ear. Finally, I give the feeling in and lean forward to pull him into a passionate kiss. He rises to get back on top of me and the night continues while the sun rises.

[Without sleep, Alexei stayed the whole time besides Lazarus. Talking about his last and next journeys and commissions. Lazarus helped him out with everything. Packed Alexei things, helped him with walking, getting a quick breakfast before carrying the cartographer to his carriage. Alexei gives his goodbye kiss and gets taken away. A man bumps into Lazarus, excusing himself. Lazarus almost mistook him for Lyth, but the man was taller bigger build. Even had a full of himself look. He seems to hold back a comment, before leaving with just a pardon] [0:51 am]