What is beautiful about you

Guilt

The sun breaks through the grey colored clouds that have slowly but surely lessening in the recent days. The chill of the winter air still remained heavy, but it didn't keep cephalopods nor any other creatures from finally carving their ways out of their snow covered drive ways to resume life as usual. For most, that was easy. Just go about whatever they usually do within their day to day lives and not really need to think twice about it. 

For me though? Ha, cod I wish that were me. 

"You good?" Uniform asks me as my team and I walk back from our last turf match. It's been about three days since Emperor and I exchanged venom, and I haven't seen or even heard from him since. The silence has been driving me mad. I really don't know what to do or even how to go about doing it other than I know I should apologize. 

"I'm fine." I growl back as we step out of the tower. I've honestly been having a bitch of a time getting to sleep since the argument, and I look about as good as I feel. Not because of some sappy nightmares or dreams or anything like that, just me keeping myself up at night being pissed at myself for blowing up at him like I did. 

"Are you sure Rai..? You were uhm—" Stealth speaks up, scratching his wrists about of nerves. "You were a bit more, how you say, violent than usual today." My co-captain comments, and I look over my shoulder at the other three.

"You look really tired." Bamboo signs out, speaking with her hands before I finally cave. 

"I...am. I am really tired." I sigh, crashing down onto one of chairs next to the crust bucket, sitting on the edge of the seat to avoid letting my exposed skin get froze off by the chilled chair. "Can I tell you guys something?" All three of them nod, sitting at the same table with me. 

I take a deep breath before I start to explain everything. Everything from Emperor carrying me home after I cut open my knee; to him helping me cover up that scar; to our little pillow fight and even my developing crush. That, in all honesty, has only gotten worse since the blow up. Now it feels like I can't get him off my mind no matter what I try. Which really sucks when it's compiled with a crushing sensation of guilt I feel every time I remember that I did the equivalent of kicking him where the sun doesn't shine.

"yOU'RE GAY?" I blink when the most Uniform gets out of my entire story is my implied sexuality, making both Bamboo and I face palm. 

"Well, yes but I think you're missing the important part here." I try to keep them all on track since I'm desperate for any advice. "I really need help. I feel awful about what I said to him, and it's been getting so bad I can't sleep at night. All I do is just sit there and think about scenarios where I try to apologize to him and he doesn't accept my apology!" I slam my head back into the table, feeling my hearts sink at the thought of the possibility that I just ruined a possible relationship. "And that scares me. I really don't want to loose Emp. He, makes me feel something I haven't ever felt before." 

I look up at my team as they sit around, glancing to each other as they all seem at a bit of a loss in terms of any sort of solution to offer me. The awkward air caused by my lovesick ass almost makes me break down and throw in the white flag before Stealth speaks up. "How much money do you have in savings then?" 

"Huh?" I ask, a bit surprised from the sudden question before I pull out my phone to check my balance. "Roughly 800k. Why?" 

Bamboo chokes and I get wide eyed stares from the other two. "You, have that much and you live in that piece of garbage place??" Uniform asks me and I cough into my fist. 

"So anyway I have some money, why do you ask Stealth?" I ask my co-captain as he adjusts his headgear. 

"Well, I was thinking you could buy him a gift! Something expensive to show that you want to make it up to him." 

Bamboo nods to show her approval while Uniform gushes over the thought. "Ohhhh..! You should take him out on a date too!! All nine yards Rider!" She takes my hands with her twin tailed tentacles. "A romantic evening date!! Completely alone with him and engulfed in his heart and mind!!"

"Will you shut the fuck up?!" I hiss at her when she starts drawing attention from her fangirling. I don't want everyone in the damn square to know about my failure of a love life!

Unfortunately for me though, "Ohhhhh this is perfect! You can confess your undying love for him whilst sweeping him off of his feet! Soon that argument will be nothing but a distant nightmare while you two are already long on your way to planning on adopting your two kids after being married for three years!!" 

"PLEASE SHUT UP—" I tackle my hopeless romantic of a team mate, covering her mouth as even some of the storekeepers poke their heads out to see what all the commotion is. "Please just...stop screaming." I deflate, letting Uni go once I awkwardly smile and wave at all of the passerbys. 

I collapse into my chair, my face a brighter green than a bucket of nuclear waste as I look up to Stealth and Bamboo while I leave the romantic to her own fantasies. "W-well—" The other two snicker and laugh at my misfortune, trying not to make my scathing shame any worse. "I do actually think it's a good idea." Stealth adds on, relaxing against the table. "Taking Emperor out on a date would be a good way of showing him that you wanna out effort into changing your habits. And to help secure him as your boyfriend~" 

Bamboo elbows me in the side, grinning slightly as I wave my hand, looking away as I feel a wave of embarrassment. 

Getting Emp a gift? What could I even? A bouquet of flowers? Or, would that be too cheesy and predictable? 

My mind starts to cycle through any and every possibility while my team mates talk amongst themselves about my relationship. Whatever it is, I have to make sure it's something he'll like. Not to mention I have to figure out what to say to him for the apology part of it! And I'm still not sold on asking him out in the same vein. Hell, I'm not sold on asking him out at all!! My nerves are sparking like wires just from the thought of him turning me down. I mean, sure you could probably make the argument that he has at least probably some interest in me considering how he let me sleep in his bed and pinned me down...a-and was always so touchy with me...and used that really, really pretty voice...

"Rai?" My ears go up when Bamboo shakes my shoulder, signing my name out with her hands. "You okay? You're starting to melt." She reaches up and pokes my tentacle that barely keeping itself together into a solid mass. 

"I'm fine!" I blurt out, voice crack and all. What?! So what if the more I think about Emp, the more fidgety I get?? It's just, I've  ever had someone treat me that way!

...

Quit looking at me like that!!

I have to excuse myself from the table and the team meeting as they all start to snicker at my love induced hysteria. Screaming quietly to myself as I chew on my sleeve while making my escape. I have to get some time for myself, I need to figure out what I'm going to do. 

What I'm going to do to get Emperor back.