Gru and Lucy have broken up. He is sad and so so depressed. But what will happen when a ginger and a brunette show up in his kitchen one tuesday morning? And most importantly, how will they defeat the toughest villain of all time?
A special story fo...
Minions. What do you think of when you hear that word? Perhaps the definition given by oxford. Perhaps Sues Cheerios in the best tv series of all time (Glee). But do you think of small yellow 3d ovals? If you do, this story is for you.
Gru was a normal kid. His parents kinda hated him, and he wanted to be an astronaut. But one day he found a new dream. Supervillain. And what do all supervillians have? Evil minions... So he went and got some. And when I (the narrator) say some, I mean MANY. He found MANY minions. How? If you want the answer for that question, you are going to have to go watch Minions and Minions 2. I dont know because I've only seen the first one. ANYWAY. He found a bunch of minions and built a super lair under his ordinary looking suburban house, without attracting any attention.
Or so he thought.
It was Tuesday. Gru hated Tuesdays, because they were the day after Monday and the day before hump day. He was awoken by Bob, the most energetic minion of all, jumping on his bed.
"BOB!" Gru yelled "I have to have my beauty sleep! This is why Lucy left me and took the gorls!" Bob stopped bouncing and sat still. Then he silently got up and left the room, sure to close the door behind him. A tear trickled from Bob's left eye and got trapped in his goggle.
Oh well. Gru was awake now. He might as well just get up. So he did. He scratched his booty crack - or grussy - and walked towards his dresser. He reached in and pulled out his lucky jocks that Lucy got him for their second anniversary. He pulled them on, not realising which knickers they were and trudged to the cupboard, where he pulled out his outfit for the day. A fluorescent mankini and his kate bush fan t shirt. Then he made his way down stairs.
As he reached the bottom of the stairs, he was bombarded by an array of brightly coloured rings. they twirled through the air and a couple got caught on his long, pointy nose. He was sick of this! Sick of being treated like a hoyts game! But he let it slide. It wasn't the minions fault he looked like one.
"Haha, very funny." He said, solemnly, before entering the kitchen. He didn't even notice the men sitting at the kitchen counter. He walked straight past.
"Ello sir, you must be Gru? I am Harry." The man said. Gru didn't even sneak a peek, but this is what the guy looked like:
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"Yez Yez, Hello Harry. What are you doing in my kitchen." Gru asked, and then all of a sudden, he whipped out his freeze ray and pointed it straight at Harry!
"Woah man, I mean no harm, I'm just here with my friend Ed" Harry gestured to the ranga sitting beside him. This is what Ed looked like:
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"OK. That did NOT answer my question. What do you want?" Gru answered. Then he whipped out another freeze ray from his mankini and pointed it at Ed.
"Ok. OK. Hear us out, man. We're musicians; Ok?" Ed started.
"And I mean have you heard the news?" Harry continued. Gru shook his head. "Well there's this menace. And no one knows who he is... but he is going around and taking musicians hands. We didn't know who to go to, but you saved the moon, so we though you might be able to help us with this."
Gru frowned. Then he grabbed Eds coco pops and had a big gulp. "Hmm OK. But I want to be gifted with a free concert as payment.
"Of course." Harry and Ed chanted at the same time. "Anything for you Gru!" they continued.
"I mean now." Gru said. "Right now."
"Dam ok bruv." Said Ed, whipping out his guitar. He begun strumming the chords to Bad habits, before him and the minions broke into song
"My bad habits lead to wide eyes stare into space
And I know I'll lose control of the things that I say
Yeah, I was lookin' for a way out, now I can't escape
Nothin' happens after two, it's true
It's true, my bad habits lead to Gru
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
My bad habits lead to Gru
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
My bad habits lead to Gru
By the end of the song, Gru was blushing. Dam, he thought, am I really THAT sexy? Next was Harry. Harry whipped out his flute and played a cute little tune (not as good as Eds.)
"Ok cool!" Said Gru. They were now ready to go. So, Gru and three of his favourite minions led Harry and Ed to the Grumobile. They all hopped in and away they sped. They were gonna track this hand stealing freak down if it was the last thing they did.
"OK. So we're gonna have to set up a trap. One of you is gonna have to preform to get this creep to come steal your hands." Gru said. Secretly he was hoping Harry would volunteer.
"I volunteer." Ed said.
"Oh."
"OK." Said Gru. So they went to the stadium. Ed stood on the stage, the crowd of millions spread before him. It was a magical sight. As Ed performed his number 1 hits, Gru couldn't help feel a tear form in his eye. But that's when he saw it. A figure shroud in darkness slinking through the crowd.
"That's him!" Gru called. Harry sprinted out into the crowd and grabbed the man, dragging him by the toes backstage. Gru, Bob, Kevin, and Barry sprinted behind (Stuart had died a week before #rip). When they reached backstage, they saw that Harry had pinned the figure to the wall. Gru walked over and tore the mask of his face. It was Liam Paine!
"If you do not remove those hands, there is a high likelihood you will never use them again." Said Liam nonchalantly. Everyone gasped, and Harry accidentaly droped Liam. Liam started stalking towards harry, ready to remove his hands.
"Oh, and its not Liam Paine anymore... Its Liam PAIN." He lunged at Harry, and just as he was about to remove his hands, Ed Sheeran smacked him with his guitar. And he just kept smacking!
Smack. Smack. Smack
And just as the fourth smack landed, Liam transformed into a vampire bat and flew away. He wouldn't be stealing hands for a looooooooooooong time.
