Willry/Helliam stuff- help

[Letting Go]

(Warning: mentions of substance abuse, self harm, and other sensitive topics like suicide)
{Sleep deprivation is catching up slowly lol}

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"I hate how uncomfortably quiet is here..." Dave said to himself, trying to fill that silence in his room as he lit his cigarette. He didn't have anything else to really do anymore besides take his shifts at the mall as a security guard or stay home alone. Either way he was by himself.

"I miss your company, dear.." he lowered his voice as he picked up old photographs of an old business partner he worked with over the last three decades, then out of the blue he was dead. A long and deep stab wound went up from his abdomen to under the ribcage from Dave's recollection of the body.

No man had done that, not even Dave himself for he had killed numerous individuals. No man had done that to Henry, not just from the kind of opening but because of that prototype Henry had made. Dave always knew his best friend was suicidal but he didn't think that he'd want to go such a painful route. Was it because of how his own daughter was found dead with her guts out? It must've been. Poor little girl. Poor Henry.

The Brit sighed heavily, feeling his eyes begin to water remembering seeing his friend's body. He was the very first one to have found it before Henry's sister, Jennifer. He saw all the damage that he had caused by one death, the death of Charlotte.

Dave continued to look through old pictures of the man he told himself that he loved. He could only tear up more thinking about all of those memories that could've been made were now lost forever from reality. Lost in the abyss of Dave's obsession. Lost in his head where reality wasn't such a thing.

Dave looked at each photo carefully, trying to smile at the pictures when Henry was most happiest with him. Such as trips they would take during the summer when they were in university or going out to dinner with just the two of them. Anywhere away from the public was the happiest moments for them, especially for Henry.

Anywhere away from Henry's homophobic family was the happiest. Anyway he could be alone with Henry was the happiest moments for William himself. Henry and William versus cruel society.

The Brit rubbed his thumb over the handsome face in the picture frame once again, feeling anger build up inside him about how he couldn't ever have the man he continued to think he had loved. The man he wanted for himself, the man who he wanted to be.

"I wish you were still here. It's lonely here.....too quiet. I'm all alone with my thoughts now. I have no one else to be around because they fear me. I'm sorry I pushed you to your lowest. I'm sorry that I ruined what we could've had together. I'm sorry I was envious
....and idiotic." His voice was shaky, feeling the gap reforming in his enraged-filled heart.

"I'm so alone...I miss you. I miss seeing you close in person, I miss holding your face in my hands when you cried to me. I miss when you held onto me. I miss you. I miss everything about you.." he said, finally being honest for once in his life time.

"I drink away the pain everyday to not remember seeing your body in the way you presented yourself. I hate remembering your  insides and how all you could do was lie down on the floor giving up. I drink away the pain. I have to be high to forget. I have to be drunk or I'll start crying again like I am now. I hate myself for not being real. I hate myself that I couldn't save you. I hate myself just like you hate me for the death of your child. I hate myself. I hate myself so much..."

He stumbled over his words as he began to break into loud painful sobs.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you, I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. Maybe if I had self control you would still be here" he spoke again to the empty room. "Maybe if I listened to my gut, maybe both of you would still be here..."

"I just hope now you have your daughter again like you always wanted. I hope you're happier now than ever, and same for your little girl. Tell Charlotte that I'm sorry for hurting her too."

He hugged the picture frame and lied back down, head on the pillow, crying for the rest of the night. Here and there taking jugs of alcohol and taking a few medications with them, hoping to over dose in the next few hours but nothing. Still nothing. He was just made to suffer now with a worsened addiction problem and with his guilt of all of the actions he committed.

"I'm sorry" is the final words that slipped out from his mouth before drifting off to sleep, an emptied bottle lying beside him and the picture frame in his arms.