"Get up you have school xanniah," mom said as I covered my face with my white fluffy sheet, school has never been easy for me....people would always laugh at me or don't like me for no reason so I try my hardest to avoid it, it's not like I don't think it's important of course it is but I like to avoid the people there who makes things harder for me and the teachers who don't have any sympathy and just come to do their jobs.......it's really funny how my mom doesn't notice what am going through it feels like am drowning.....
" get up now xanniahh!!!!!!!" She screams at me making me get up without a single look at her to go to the bathroom and get ready. " ugh I don't know why these kids act like life is that depressing y'all ain't even paying no fucking bills nor working y'all motherfuckers need to get y'all act together" mom says as she walked out of my room to get ready for work......As am I'm in the bathroom I stared at the mirror thinking how ugly I am, I hated my weight I wanted to be thicker.... I wanted lighter skin.....I wanted to be loved.....I wanted to have friends.....I wanted to be apart of something that I could call my own....but of course nobody understands right?
Standing in front of the mirror I grabbed my toothbrush to brush my teeth, I am a 5'2 feet girl... I have very happy hair and it's very short, am a dark shade of brown, my forehead is big and my teeth are very big all of my insecurities are getting to me especially when people point them out. As soon as I got done with my hygiene routine I pulled out a pair of black jeans with a black hoodie to match...then after that I put my hair in a little bun and did a lil ponytail with some fake hair with a sleek like style at the front so my whole forehead won't be exposed....
As I was walking out of my room I noticed that my mom was gone, so I headed outside and went to the park instead of school, as I reached to the park and sat down on the bench I realized how lonely my life is, it's so hard for me to fit in while it's so easy for other people...sometimes I wish someone would see the pain am in and come save me....save me from myself....from this misery called life. As the day was going by I was just sitting alone on my phone reading wattpad or watching Bl's like I always do it's the only thing that really takes my mind off of reality... but I saw three pretty girls walking down the street laughing and having fun sigh I wonder how that feels to be included into something, not to mention i wished I looked like them and acted like them you know those girls who are never afraid to speak up or say what's on their minds....hopefully one day I could be like that.
Surprisingly while I was lost in my thoughts my mom called me" girl why are you not at school I got a call from your teacher saying your absent" these fucking teachers I rolled my eyes and thought in my head "am at school mom am I'm in the nurse office I don't feel well" at least this lie is believable I thought to myself. " then at least let the teacher's know damn ur just too much stress"...." ok next time I'll let them know mom bye" I said hanging up the call as quickly as I can.....I thought to myself I better get to school before my mom comes up there she's honestly just crazy like that.....
Here comes the stress........
Hey guyssss honestly am new at this and I don't know what am doing but this is a very deep story you know and ik some of you guys and myself struggle with insecurities so I want you to know your not alone❤️❤️❤️ let's join xanniah in her journey.
