Walking into school with my head down, taking deep breathes telling myself everything is gonna be alright trying to calm down my anxiety but all I feel at this moment is my stomach turning and cramping from nervousness.....have I always been like this? Yes I have especially since I started high school am in the 12th grade now and nothing has gotten better...school just gives me deep anxiety and depression.....why do I have to be like this I thought to myself....As I walked into my third period class, I sat down without even saying anything to my English teacher Ms.Wong.
"It's good you finally came to school xanniah, your failing and need to catch up" I rolled my eyes at her knowing she could've said it to me in private instead of in front a whole class of students. Some people were in the back laughing especially these two girls called Anna and laysha. "Look at her shoes" Anna laughed to laysha.."where are her edges let's talk about that" laysha said making everybody laugh especially the boys. I felt so hurt and embarrassed thinking what did I do to deserve this? Why are people so hateful? Does putting down someone makes them feel better?
God please save me am drowning I said in my head as I put my head on the desk thinking about how I can escape all of this......I don't wanna be here anymore I walked out of the class with Ms.Wong screaming my name.
But I didn't care I just walked out with tears in my eyes and anger fuming deep in my soul....I hate myself....why didn't I say anything to defend myself....am weak.....am hopeless.....am sick of trying....why couldn't my life be good, why couldn't I be happy, why couldn't I be pretty maybe then they would wanna be my friends....sigh am tired of trying.
As I walked out of that horrible ghetto ass school i went to the store to buy a lighter...as I payed for the lighter I went in the gas station bathroom...I closed the door and started crying, taking out the lighter that I bought and burning myself with it on my arms, the physical pain just makes me forget about the emotional pain... but what's the difference right??...... it's still pain at the end of the day.
Wiping my tears away, I went home to sleep I was drained and tired....I had no energy nor did I want to wake up to see tomorrow.
Guys honestly these chapters are prolly gonna be short...but what do you think I am do to improve my writing? And what do you think of the story a far?
