𝐃𝐢𝐥-𝐞-𝐙𝐚𝐚𝐫 (revamped) | ✓

thirty four

I woke up around five -- am to pray Fajr. Zaroon was peacefully sleeping when I woke up and went to make wudu.

I prayed Fajr and asked for the safety of my child and the happiness of Zaroon before standing up and softly blowing over him.

I sat on the edge of the bed, my hand pressing against the bed by his side as I stared at him.

He looked so innocent while sleeping. It made me chuckle and wonder if our baby will look the same.

He slowly woke up as if feeling my body heat next to him. I smiled, softly, as he blinked and then fully opened his eyes.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me on top of him, instantly, making me gasp.

"Pregnancy mai tumne stalker career choose karliya?" He asked, in his rough morning voice, smiling a little.
(You chose stalker as a career in your pregnancy?)

"Stalk nahi kar rahi thi. Bas dekh rahi thi." I said, smiling as I tilted my head.
(I wasn't stalking. I was just watching.)

"Says every stalker." He said and I laughed.

"Aaj check up hai." I reminded him as I played with his hair.
(Today is check up day.)

"Yaad hai." He said, throaty.
(I remember.)

I hummed, softly leaning and kissing him, before rolling off him and laying on my side, my back turned to him. He hugged me from behind, his face hidden in the crook of my neck.

And we both fell asleep.

━━━━━━━

Around noon, I was awake again. This time by Zaroon who was caressing my growing stomach.

"Let's have breakfast." He said when he noticed me awake. He pecked my lips before helping me sit up.

After having breakfast with our family, we got ready for the doctor's appointment.

I wore a floral shalwar kameez with a georgette dupatta and Zaroon wore a simple navy blue kurta shalwar.

We walked to the car and I settled inside the passenger seat and he sat down in the driver's seat.

"Who do you think the baby will look like?" I asked. He shrugged.

"Whose eyes will the baby have? Mine or yours?" I asked.

"I'm sure our daughter will have your green eyes." Zaroon answered, looking at the road.

"We don't know the gender." I smiled.

"I have a feeling it's a girl." He smiled a little.

We reached the hospital and after waiting a while, it was our turn. The check-up finished and I sat up, bringing my shirt down, the residue of the gel made me a little cold.

The female doctor pushed the curtain to the side and sat on her seat while I sat beside Zaroon.

"The baby is healthy." The doctor said but there was a hesitant look on her face which we failed to notice.

We smiled at each other and held hands before the doctor spoke again, "but.. this pregnancy is complicated. It causes alot of risk to Jannat's life."

"The first and second trimester can be gone by easily but the third trimester is very hard. It's very dangerous for both of there lives and the childbirth can.. risk her life."

We sat there in silence for a couple of minutes before Zaroon stood up and left.

"Sh-shukriya, Allah Hafiz." I told the doctor, quietly and stood up, picking up the documents.

I walked out of the room and through the empty hospital, thinking of everything I had been thinking of for the last months.

My fear came true.

I tried not to let it get to me. This was life. Anything was possible in life.

Sab Khuda ki marzi hai.

I didn't panic nor was I shocked. I only walked out of the hospital to the car where Zaroon was sitting in the driver's seat.

I sat down in the passenger seat, staring in front of me. I glanced at his hands which had turned white at his deathly grip on the steering wheel.

And then he started driving.

We didn't talk at all. We were quiet the whole ride home. We just sat in silence. We reached home and he parked the car before both of us got out and walked inside.

"You're getting an abortion." He told me, without stopping as he walked up the stairs.

I froze, my blood running cold at his words. 

"I'm not getting an abortion, Zaroon," I said, walking a few steps up the stairs. He had reached the top of the stairs when he stopped and turned to look at me.

"We're not having a conversation about this, Jannat." He said.

We stared at each other for a long while, coldness and hurt in his eyes and a stubborn fire in my eyes.

Tayi ammi walked out of the kitchen and saw us shooting daggers at each other.

"Kya howa? Aaj check-up ke liye gai the na?" She asked.
(What happened? You two were gone for a check-up, right?)

I looked away from Zaroon to the floor. Tears were brought up in my eyes, I blinked them away and tried to be strong as I looked at her.

"Doctor keh rahi thi keh is pregnancy main complications hain aur meri jaan ko khatra hai." I told her, hearing Zaroon's angry footsteps fade away.
(The doctor was saying that this pregnancy has complications and that my life is in danger.)

Her reaction, her tears, and her words were all a blur to me. I don't know what was happening around me it felt as if I had blacked out when she told my parents and dadi jaan.